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Post by scottmichael on May 6, 2006 13:04:53 GMT -5
Scott was quiet for a moment as he thought about what just Lily said. "While she may need you, you need someone else. I'm sorry if this sounds rude or out of line, but you can't help another unless you have a way to help yourself first." Scott meant what he said, and although she had agreed to teach him a spell that she didn't think she could perform there was reason behind it. Scott knew she could teach him, she just needed a bit more confidance in herself to do it. If she did help him, she had a way to help herself, by letting him help her.
Although Scott didn't know what happened on her trip, his interest didn't lay in what she had allowed him to assume with what happened, but instead it laid where it came to her. he wanted to help her in any way he could, but it was something she had to want before he could.
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Post by hermione7lunaroc on May 6, 2006 13:12:01 GMT -5
"I know. I learned that." Lily said quietly. "But how am I to help myself? I've tried and tried and I know in some ways I've gotten better, but in some ways that makes it worse. I'm not making any sense again, but I know that I've gotten better in some ways, because I've stopped doing some harmful things. But I wish that I could do those things again, oh how I do. And I know I shouldn't. There's so many things that I know I shouldn't do, but I let them happen anyways. I beat the voices once, but now with them coming back, it's almost like I do. It's almost like I let them come back."
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Post by scottmichael on May 6, 2006 13:37:32 GMT -5
"I doubt you let them come back. There are some things that don't just go away, no matter how hard you try to get them to leave, they don't." Scott sighed lightly, he didn't know what to say to make her feel better. he wasn't going to lie to her, because then she could blame him if something didn't go right. "And as for finding help for yourself, that's something you have to figure out on your own. I would love nothing more in this world at this moment to tell you it's easy, but it isn't."
Scott shifted his body again, moving closer to her. he tightened his grip and more and bent his neck so his cheek was against the back of her head. Scott continued to breathe in her scent, she was a beautiful flower, and she was his just Lily. he just wished there was more he could do to help her at the moment. The most he could think of was to just be there for her when she needed someone, but not even that helped sometimes.
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Post by hermione7lunaroc on May 6, 2006 16:56:46 GMT -5
Lily was very aware of his presence and for a while she said nothing. All she did was lean against him and wish that there was a happy ending to her story. He was already very special to her, and Lily hoped he would continue to be. She wondered silently for a moment if she was falling in love, but then thought nothing further on it.
"I feel sometimes as though I'm being controlled by a very cruel puppet-master," she said. "Someone who likes watching me suffer and struggle with something that every day people take for granted. All of them take every day things like friends and family for granted. I cherish the few friends I have and somehow still manage to alienate most of them. Whereas though who've had friends all their life, think it's only natural they would, and they manage to stay friends."
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Post by scottmichael on May 6, 2006 17:23:30 GMT -5
Scott continued to hold on to her as he listened to her speak. A puppetmaster? Who would want to sit watch such a beautiful thing being tortured? he asked himself. Scott didn't know what to say this time, he was scared of hurting her, and scared he'd say the wrong thing. That was something he didn't want to do, hurt her. Silence seemed the best way to not do the wrong thing. he decided he would let her continue to talk without interruptions from him. Scott went back to inhaling her scent, it surprised him that it was something he enjoyed.
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Post by hermione7lunaroc on May 6, 2006 17:36:41 GMT -5
"I blame a lot of my struggles on my family and the guys in Germany." Lily said quietly. "But a lot more I suppose I have to blame on myself. Maybe - Maybe I should stop trying to blame people, but it seems I can't help but blame people. When I blame people, that makes it seem better, but I know it's not really any better."
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Post by scottmichael on May 6, 2006 18:25:47 GMT -5
"Putting the blame on another does make you feel better, but you're right, it doesn't really make it better." Germany was still a mystery to him, but he was learning a little bit more about it, and he didn't like what he'd heard so far. "Just Lily," he began. "I want you to know, I'm here for you if you ever feel like you need someone. Really, at any time of day or night, come get me, we'll talk." Scott moved his head a bit more and gently nuzzled his nose against her ear before he kissed her cheek. "No matter what's going on, I'll drop everything for you. I promise."
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Post by hermione7lunaroc on May 6, 2006 18:29:27 GMT -5
Lily was quiet. She wanted so very much to accept his offer, but she had to make sure he was willing. "Are you sure about that?" She asked quietly. "I don't want to hurt and alienate you too, but that seems to be the only thing that happens when I let myself get close to people. There's a part of my heart that wants to get close to you, but the other part knows that it will hurt to much if something happens."
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Post by scottmichael on May 6, 2006 19:44:17 GMT -5
"I really mean it. And since you've told me about your alienating problem, I won't let it bother me. If I feel like I'm being alienated by you, I'll tell you." Scott meant what he had said, Lily was his first friend at Hogwarts, and he wasn't going to let her push him away without a fight, or a chance to know her better. "If anything happens, it means it was meant to be, but I'll never hold it against you. I don't hold grudges, makes life too hard. If I have to remember all those I have something against, then life isn't fun. I'd rather live life by the minute and just see what happens." Scott pulled back away from the flower and smiled at her.
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Post by hermione7lunaroc on May 6, 2006 22:08:28 GMT -5
Lily smiled back at Scott. "I think sometimes people need to tell me when I'm doing things wrong or I'll never know that I'm doing them. A lot of the time I do things without thinking." She thought for a moment about things being meant to happen. "So you believe in destiny then?"
Lily sighed. "I don't want to go back to the common room tonight." She said. "I don't want to have to go back there and face them all. It's just too hard. It's just too hard." She repeated softly. "I can't do it."
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Post by scottmichael on May 6, 2006 23:32:38 GMT -5
"If I ever think you're doing something wrong, I'll let you know just Lily." he winked at her lightly before he continued. "And yes, I have a strong belief in destiny. Everything happens, or doesn't happen, for a reason. Most of the time I don't know the reason, but I believe there is one." Scott heard the plea she made, she didn't want to go back, though he really thought she could.
"I don't believe you, I think you can but at the moment you're too scared to. However, that doesn't mean we have to go back now, or even at all tonight." Scott's arms were still wrapped around Lily as he smiled at her again. he didn't mind staying out of the common room, he'd felt cooped up lately because of the lockdown, and was more than happy to be out of there.
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Post by hermione7lunaroc on May 7, 2006 6:23:40 GMT -5
"There's a secret room here," Lily said quietly. "I noticed it was hollow the day that I broke up with Nic. I came back later to find it again. I don't think it changes or anything special like the room of requirement. I should be able to find it now. I'm thinking a bit clearer."
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Post by scottmichael on May 7, 2006 9:45:59 GMT -5
Scott nodded his head at her and squeezed her in the grip he had her in before he let go. he leaned back with his hands behind him and smiled at her. "So, there's a secret room up here. I seen you tapping on the wall, I suppose that's how you get to it?" his grin was plastered on his face, although what they'd talked about wasn't the funniest things, he loved to smile. And what was more was he had someone to smile about.
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Post by hermione7lunaroc on May 7, 2006 10:03:18 GMT -5
Lily nodded. She stood up and went over to the wall. "I just found this mind you," Lily said. She counted 5 over from the torch and tapped the brick three times and then tapped the one above it. The wall pulled back revealing a room with a bed, a chair and a desk. Three notebooks rested on the desk. "I think someone used to live here," Lily said. "I haven't touched the notebooks."
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Post by scottmichael on May 7, 2006 10:29:04 GMT -5
"I would have to agree with you," Scott responded. It did look like someone had lived there at some point. Scott stood and walked over to the opening and glanced around. "Haven't touched 'em out of respect or just haven't felt like it?" he asked with a grin. If he'd found 'em, most likely he wouldn't have touched 'em either.
Scott smiled down at just Lily, the place seemed rather cozy. he waited for her to step in before he did as well.
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