Losing My Religion ((OPEN))

[mehra1993]

Sharivah dried her eyes and got up from the bed she'd been sitting on. There was no use in crying anymore for this unfortunate situation. What exactly could she do, being here in Hogwarts, and Brighid being there in London? There wasn't, realistically, anything she could do, so crying more would be too dramatic. Fits of practicality had been raining on her as though they were overcast clouds above the English countryside in June. In short, to dwell anymore on a thing she could not change would be ridiculous. With this in mind, Shari slid off the bed and crossed out of the room to the Girl's Dormitory Bathroom. She hoped it didn't look as bad as it had days before, when it seemed that nature had made it's monthly visitation to more than half the female population of Ravengirls. Hers could wait another week or so. Thank Merlin for that too! As she pushed the door open and entered the washroom, she realized she was holding her breath, as though it would change the outcome of the room. Luckily it was not horrible. There were a few wrappers here and there, but considering how much it had resembled a disaster zone the few weeks ago, this was Paradise on Earth... and a few wrappers. Perhaps they'd come to their spots from an errant toss or a rushed exit. Who could know?

Shari headed for the nearest sink and looked at herself in the mirror. Tears had left their marks upon her face, and her eyes were a little blotchy and bloodshot. Well what more can you expect from someone who'd cried steadily for fifteen minutes? A little soap and warm water would clear away the tear streaks on her cheeks, but her eyes... well it didn't matter. There were so many people crying in dorm rooms or empty classrooms nowadays that one more second year girl with bloodshot eyes and blotchiness shouldn't stand out among the throng. She turned the faucet and watched as the water cascaded rapidly into the bowl. In India, she was thinking, water running freely like this would be a blessing. Suddenly swept away on the current of reminisce, Shari tarried not long with the water shortage in Jhansi. Jhansi, her hometown, was in the Northern State of Uttar Pradesh. Uttar Pradesh was close to the Indian-Pakistani border and daily Muggles were leaving because of their struggles. There had been talks; Papa had been philandering in the world of Muggles to find out how safe things were around them. What was it Granny had said?

"Be wary of your dreamlands, Sharivah... Mehkalah... be certain they do not interfere with our waking one."

Granny was full of infinite wisdom, or at least until her passing, she had been, but this piece of free advice didn't seem like wisdom of the wise; it sounded like madness from the paranoid. Some people had visited the night before Shari made the decision to return to the West: some men in Muslim garb and turbans (not that either were foreign to the streets of Jhansi or the state of Uttar Pradesh) that had left her with an unsettling feeling. Maybe it was because her mother had cried herself to sleep that night, her wails cutting through the mandatory silence of Jhansi like an angry butcher enacting slaughter upon his bovine. Lately the word Benizair had been passed around like it meant something... whispers offered it reverence... the secrecy it was shrouded in felt - off to say the most - and left Shari with that awful wailing in the night while she had attempted much needed sleep. The thought of crying brought her back, swiftly, to the present, seeing the bowl below her filling with the water she had let run into it. Strange that a simple arbitrary interaction could bring her back there without notice. She shook her head as though to say... "What's past is past." ... and to leave it at that. She dipped her cupped hands into the bowl and brought them up quickly, letting the water crash upon her face like when ocean tide meets rocky cliff side. She closed her eyes and let the warm water drip down her face, chafing away the tear streaks, then she turned the faucet off and watched, meditatively, as the water drained out of its basin and out of sight... the drain gulping as it drank down the liquid.

Turning, Shari made for the door again. She'd head to the Great Hall in hopes that an owl would be waiting for her, in the rafters albeit, with some news from the East. Opening the door, she assumed a businesslike demeanor as she strode from the washroom to the stairs leading down to the common room. With any luck, no one would be around, but she never counted on any luck as she had little of it. Through the portal, moments later, Shari appeared on the top floor and made her way down the hypnotically winding stone staircases. She always tried to count the steps, but she always lost herself in the attempt. There were either too many or it wound too tightly around for much concentration. Perhaps she ask Arianna, later, if she knew how many steps there were. Would the older Eaglette know?

Minutes evaporated into disconnected moments and before long, in what seemed like a blink of the eye, Sharivah was standing outside the Great Hall. Why she'd stopped in front of it, she couldn't tell, but she chose to proceed in, get a bite to satiate her sudden hunger, and then wait for an owl. In the back of her mind she had a strange certainty that there was one waiting for her. She proceeded in.

[Fyona Richards]

Morning. Fyona didn't like mornings when they occurred on weekdays. More specifically she didn't like them when they occurred on a weekday when there was schools, all other times were fair game as far as she was concerned. This morning was better than most mornings because it was Saturday which meant no classes. This fact alone put the twelve year old in good spirits as she woke up with a small yawn in her warm bed. Sitting up and rubbing her eyes she smelled something horrible coming from the bed beside hers and had a sudden urge to kick the blonde girl in the next bed but refrained. It was morning after all and Fyona had woken up on the right side of the bed so there was no need to spread misery to all those she came into contact with. At least for no reason anyway. Fyona slipped out of bed and dressed slowly, surveying the rest of the beds. So far only one other roommate had decided they had gotten enough sleep to satisfy them for another day. Holding her shoes in her hands Fyona trekked down to the common room where she was met by several of her house mates. She never knew what to say to most of them. Some of them were mean and nasty for no particular reason. These were the ones who hated life in general and felt like the world was out to get them. Fyona preferred not to speak to theses Slytherins but some things could not be helped, but often speaking to them made her angry as well. Smiling unwillingly at one such type of Slytherin Fyona went to the nearest chair and at down to put on her shoes.

There were also the other Slytherins who could careless about anything or anyone, Fyona didn't mind speaking to these Slytherins. They were easier to get on with than the other type. Plus they were often more.....Often more.... Often more something than nothing and this Fyona liked. Finishing up with her shoes Fyona walked out of the common room leaving all the other snakes to do what they wished: wallow in loathing, bully the smaller snakes, make plans for getting back at students, or just making plans. Whatever suited their fancy, it didn't matter.

This snake however was on her way to the owlery. Her mum had made her promise to write at least one letter a week ever since the whole school take over thing had come and gone. The red-head thought it was a bit much but there was no arguing with mummy. Whatever she said went and it didn't matter how trivial the thing may have been. Her dad hadn't been much of a help either since he almost supported her mum. They didn't know how trying it was for her to get up the energy to write a letter every week. Especially since things didn't happen to her every week. One letter would go: Dear mum and dad, things are going well here. I haven't gotten lost and nothing has reached out to grab me in the dark. No animals have chased me down the halls either. What a relief that is. My marks are good and no one has come to capture me. Signed your daughter Fyona. Then there was: Dear mum and dad, Things are going well. I have not been attacked and my grades are staying up, signed your daughter Fyona. And so on and so on. They all sounded the same and they all were pretty much empty of feeling. How could she sincerely write the same thing over and over again? It just became routine after a while and Fyona would have thought nothing more of the letters if it hadn't been for her parents also sending her letters saying how proud they were of her, and how they were glad she was doing fine, and how they missed her, and blah blah blah. She wondered what would happen if she wrote to them about how bad her marks really were. About how she either slept in class, in bed and missed class altogether, or was just a failure.

She could do well. If she applied herself and tried to do the lesson, but she just didn't care anymore. What did it matter anyway? She wasn't completely failing...Not yet. It was more like a few grades were not as good as they could be. Way below her normal standards actually. Herbology was no problem for her, plant a plant. No big deal. Charms was okay too. It was potions and transfiguration that was giving her the pain in her backside. She could do the coursework. It was just that..... Gah! She didn't want to think about this right now.

She continued to walk to the owlery and after sending off her letter she figured it was time to go to breakfast. With almost every step though she would think, Letters, potions, parents, grades, transfigurations. Like a chant or something. She was almost unaware that she was doing it but almost was not a sure thing. She didn’t even see Shari slipping into the Great Hall, not until she was about to bump into her that was. She stopped so abruptly that she lost her balance, wobbled, and fell forward into the girl anyway.

[mehra1993]

"Woah! Watch-et!" Shari scolded as someone plummeted into her from behind. She was ready to turn around and wallop the offender, that is until she saw it was Fyona! Stopping her swinging hand, she grabbed the girl and prevented her from falling, a laugh escaping her. "You alright?" She giggled at the clumsiness of her friend. It wasn't Fyona's fault. She seemed to be a delightfully distracted Slythergirl. But she was Shari's oldest friend and she deserved the respect of remaining upright in her stumbles than face down. It must be hard to be a Slytherin and to be stumbling all over. For a house with so much pride and vanity, a stumbling, bumbling second year must be quite the inconvenience, and the Ravenclaw within Shari took pity on that.

Righting her friend on her feet again, Shari looked at the girl. She looked harassed. "Are you okay, Fy? You don't look too good."

[Fyona Richards]

Fyona was grateful for the hands that reached out to steady her. Taking a hard one to the floor wouldn't have been very graceful, nor would it have felt like a day at the beach either. She wasn't even sure who had grabbed her until she heard the voice. Shaking her head clear Fyona took several seconds to comprehend the question and statement. "Er," she began. She wasn't quite sure if she wanted to tell Shari what was on her mind. Then again Shari was her only female friend. The things she thought about weren't really conversation pieces when you were trying to look like a princess in front of boys like Art. "Hmm, no. I guess things aren't all right."

A boy, a fifth year by the looks, came into the Hall and nearly bumped into the two girls standing there. "Let's get out of the line of fire and grab something to eat." She was was hungry but not starving. Eating would allow her to focus on other things though. Letters, potions, parents, grades, transfigurations. "What is wrong with you ?" Fyona said not moving an inch and noticing her friend's eyes. "You don't look too good yourself?" Her brows crinkled in what could have been taken for concentration or concern.

[mehra1993]

Fyona seemed to see that thing Shari was trying to hide. Names... random at first, falling into place like magnetic Muggle Poetry... fluttered like owls' feathers in front of her eyes. They vanished, they sprung up again, cats with eyes of fire, dogs the shade of black that envelopes the soul, screaming. The void opened before her and twisted its iron lips menacingly and seductively, beckoning for her to slip between their ivory teeth and disappear for ever!...

"Let's get out of the line of fire and grab something to eat."

Shari snapped back. No void, no firebreathing cats or grim-like dogs. No iron and ivory lips and teeth. Just the great Hall and the banquet tables. Food would be great. Food would be awesome. Shari smiled at Fyona. "Hey lucky you didn't fall there." She managed. Fyona didn't look good. Shari decided she would let the girl say her bit if she wanted to, on her own time though... nothing forced. As for her own troubles: as long as the names didn't pierce her existence she'd manage to make life pleasant.

"I'll be fine." she replied to the latter question. She checked to make sure the walls were solid and the floor was stone. It seemed alright. but the name shot back into her mind: Bhutto. What did it mean? Bhutto? It wasn't Hindi. It might be Farsi. But it was the reason for the Northern Exodus from Uttar Pradesh, as much as Shari knew. Food would be really really good. Least before she lost her appetite. "Let's go get something to eat, Fy. Can we talk over food?"

[Fyona Richards]

Fyona sighed. "Yeah lucky..." She wasn't so lucky though. Not in the least.

I'll be okay.

The first step to solving a problem is first admitting you have a problem. Now if only she could listen to the advice that consistently popped into her head. Maybe if she had done that in the first place then she wouldn't be in the situation she found herself. "Right let's go eat," she said moving towards the nearest table and scooting a first year Raven over and making room for herself. At first she just stared at the food, but then she shook her head and started to pile bacon, eggs, toast, biscuits, anything that her hand was within reach of unto her plate. She looked at her friend. She could get it all over with now. She could blurt out everything over a goblet of orange juice and buttery toast. All she had to do was open her mouth and speak. Shari was supposed to be awesome in potions, she sure wouldn't mind getting a chance to show off those skills and help her out. Right? Ugh! No, Fyona would sit here and eat. She would go on ignoring her problems and Shari would go on ignoring hers, whatever problems she could have that would make her eyes go red --surely from crying-- before breakfast.

What good friends they were for letting each other go on in misery. What good friends they were for letting their situations stain their persons like a spot that one just can't get out. I can tell her now. Now would be a good time. She forked a sausage into her mouth and then tilted her head to the side a bit. "Are you sure you'll be fine? You don't look like the Shari I know right now." The Shari she knew. True enough, the Shari she knew was usually in good spirits but this one here... This one here was not on the same planet with her. As seen by her ‘spaciness’ only a few moments before. Right then a thought popped into her head and she couldn't keep the next words from coming out. "It doesn't have anything to do with Scorpius does it?"

Good good. Just keep the conversation away from yourself. Deny everything you feel and continue to spiral downwards. She would.

[mehra1993]

Following her friend, Shari sat at the nearest table with her, piling some food here and there, really not intending on eating it all. Fyona seemed quiet... not just vocally... physically. Shari wanted to be content with the idea that the Deva issues still persisted with her friend, but it rang wrong. It didn't sit. But Shari did. Fyona seemed a little antsy. She grabbed at anything and everything she could reach. It was, in a way, comical to see the Slytherin reach out, grab and deposit food before repeating the action. She started so suddenly, and suddenly she slowed.

"Are you sure you'll be fine?" Yeah... no.
"You don't look like the Shari I know right now." Well that Shari hadn't been attacked by faceless Deva; that Shari hadn't been abandoned by her own family. This internal dialogue had to stop. Speaking would help. If it helped.

"Honestly..." she began, figuring friends were supposed to help. "honestly, things have been really messed up of late. I couldn't quite tell you where it begins but I know I've been messed up since the attack..." she had to stop to take a drink. Maybe it wasn't there that it started but it was a good vantage point. The breakdown was older than that, she was fairly sure.

"It doesn't have anything to do with Scorpius does it?" Shari let the sudden burst spew out some juice. It was rude, she knew, but it was far too funny to hold it down. She felt a little bad about the first year who sat closest to her from the other side of the table. SCORPIUS! SCORPIUS! I haven't seen him in months! Goodness gracious! "Oh good Merlin, no! Ha ha! Scorpius is the least of my worries!" Shari laughed. It felt good to laugh. The spell must be breaking.

[Fyona Richards]

Fyona looked at her with eyebrows raised and played with one of the sausages on her plate. She didn't see how the question could be that funny, but maybe in Shari's mind it was ridiculous and stupid. Fyona smiled, Okay, maybe it was a little a ridiculous. The auburn-haired second year hadn't seen much of Scorpius herself, but his absence didn't mean all that much to her truthfully. She thought it would to Shari though since the boy had given her a kiss....It was good to see her friend like this though. Laughing. Like whatever had been disquieting her spirit a few sentences ago was now asleep for the time being. This was allowing Shari to open up to her and for this Fyona wasn't sure if she should be grateful or give into the dark forces that were forcing her farther and farther into a corner. For what Shari had to say couldn't make her any happier, yet it was good to see that someone was going to lay down their worries. Despite it being over this breakfast table with two first years on the other side of them talking about nonsense. Speaking nonsense is better than sittingin silence.

Fyona crumbled one of the biscuits slowly as she thought back to the night when the faceless people blew open the doors to the Great Hall. You can't just blow open doors without coming through with henchmen, nor can you blast open a door without a purpose.… "Yeah..." The one guy, Shaw who was and still is being displayed in newspapers everywhere had been trailed by more faceless people as he came into the Great Hall. Fyona remembered feeling surprised and then nothing for a long time. It wasn't until later that she had gotten enough courage to lead herself, Scorpius, and Shari to a safer place out of reach of the malevolent animals that were keeping them hostage. In her dreams they were more than just animals though, or were they less? "I... I...," Go on tell her , "I want to hear it. Maybe I can help, and if I can't then I think I can say I can empathize with you. If only a little," Fyona continued to crumble her biscuit but looked into Shari's eyes.

She was sure she wanted to help because then it would keep her mind off her own fears and problems. If she got lost in someone else's memories then for a little while she could erase her own.

[mehra1993]

How kind of you... how incredibly good Shari thought and felt. It was. Fyona was trying to help her. Who else would do that? The biggest question was where it must begin.
Does it start with the summer? Seeing Shane and Brighid happy together? No: that reveals jealousy - want; I am jealous but I can't give that away she resolved.
Then where? She'd mentioned being messed up since the Deva attack, and perhaps that is the place to begin? I mean it's the most relevant screw up around here since..................... well, thats not true: India and Pakistan are major screw ups too, but no one seems to have had a handle on them anyway Shari decided. A funny thought then passed into her head, It's funny that whenever I think, I never imagine a period at the end of any of my dialogues! Maybe there's an exclamation point here and there, maybe a semicolon, maybe a question mark or comma, but never a period, and I wonder why that is? It must be because I never end a particular thought! It's always there... and a smile flicked across her face at the ridiculousness of this. But back to the question on hand:
... yes, I ought to begin the confession where it picks up in relation to Fyona; I ought to give her a chance to help me... but more than that, I ought to give her a venue to vent to me also, because this really only works when it's going both ways and that was the honest truth.

"Well, if you're up for it, I'll tell you: but there can be a short version versus the longer?" Shari said, lowering her voice so that the first years nearby didn't hear her. It wasn't that she cared about privacy - whatever... this was Hogwarts and someone sooner or later found out everything about you and let the rest of the world know... she was better than that - but more so an opportunity to be able to say anything and not be conscious of other people around her. "It's only if you're up for it..." she said again and chose to add "but venting really only works when there's something going in and something coming out." and of course, by this she meant that the boat easily sinks when the weight is on one side only.

[Fyona Richards]

She would make no promises. Could not, in fact, make any promises.

"I think....," she sighed. "You say true, but you can't pour ingredients into a potion without planning and careful deliberation." Of course referring to her own thoughts of swirling madness inside her head. All the confusion and murky feelings that she would have to sort out before she could even begin to tell her friend. Just as she was sure that Shari's story and confessions were not just going to flow out of her mouth like a fluid liquid. No, her story was going to come out hesitant, unsure, perhaps second guessing her choice of words or events. It may seem strange that a twelve year old may know all this, but when you were stuck inside of a castle for months with only about two people to talk to, things got lonely. When things got lonely one wandered and learned to become a careful observer of all things and to keep a sharp out. AT this moment who would be so stupid enough as to walk around anywhere idly anymore? It wasn't even until about a month after it happened that it had hit Fyona anyway.... Since then, well, since then she had withdrew possibly even more from people and things. People and things had a way of appearing to you faceless in you dreams.....

Faceless in my dreams but dreams have a way of leaving their remembrance with sweet vile kisses. Yes, sweet vile kisses... Fyona didn't want to think right now, but thinking was unavoidable. Just when she believed she had found a quiet place in which she could just...Be! Bam! She was off thinking about how nice a place she had found and how it was going to be good that she was all alone, and so on and so on until she was thinking of other things. The very things which she was trying to block out. Not all her dreams were bad but there were some that were. She supposed everyone had a nightmare or two but she couldn't get the spotlight of herself for a moment to believe this. That may have explained how the troubled look in Shari's eyes caught her attention. If something was wrong with Shari then that alerted her to her own situation even more. That was something she could not let happen. She loved ignoring her problems for now. It kept her from dealing with the bad parts, who cared if the good parts suffered?

Hehe, and this is why I am not one of those Gryffies. I will sacrifice the good if it means keeping the bad out... But this also makes me a coward I guess. No matter just another reason as to why I am no Gryffie.

"I'll take whatever version will best suit your purpose," she answered the Raven's first question. Shari would know her reasons for spilling to Fyona. For redemption? Whatever it was then Shari would have to tell the parts that would help her get that.

[mehra1993]

She's got a few good points there, Shari thought. She could feel the internal dialogue rearing its familiar face into view. Would it be another of those Jekyll and Hyde moments she had found herself so familiar with over the past year? It was for certain, Mehka was Hyde and she was Jekyll, but did the relationships change when other "ingredients" were tossed into the "potion"? Shari did not want to think of herself as a Hyde, but it was always a possibility. But no matter on that - to choose where to begin would help - this finely woven fabric that was her life story of the past year needed some thoughtful reminisce, and perhaps it was best to do this out loud to someone who would not judge her? If that was for certain, she'd start with her summer crush - Shane - the tight-lipped jealousy she'd encountered with Brighid, the one who got him - Mehkalah and Kumaran - the unnecessary violation of sister and brother conduct that had left the latter in complete stupidity of his disposition and had solidified the title of Mr Hyde upon the former - Popi and Mami - the former being so harassed by the declining health and eventual passing of his mother, the latter being in constant motion so as to keep from going insane - and then there was her... Shari.

What did you do?
I went off to England to continue my education... thats what!
Are you sure you weren't doing it for some other reason? Only education?
Yes, only for my education... what other reason could there be?
Oh, I don't know, perhaps a little break from our pact? Shari shuddered at the thought.
You are not my keeper and you will not have ownership over me.
But of course... I go wherever you go, silly... The interrogator always sounded sinister, but never so much as now did it sound like Mehka. But this magic was too advanced for the remedial education Mehka got in...
You would think that wouldn't you? Silly girl... How did she do that?
You were never one for the observation of deeper magic... darker magic ...
Thats because there is a fine line between a good man and a bad...
Oh yes, such a fine line... (laughter arose piercing)
Go away. You're not here, you have no power over me... Go away!
You are so silly, Sharivah Jhansi Mehra -
Never! Take your evil deeds and leave me be!
You are so foolish to think distance can sever us...
It can and it has...
But don't you forget that distance only makes the heart grow fonder... (more laughter issued in strains like a harp string strung too tightly, plucked too shrill)
Never!

Shaking her head, gasping once more for breath, as if being held under water until it seemed life was slipping away, Shari revived herself. It is impossible for anyone so far away... well nothing is impossible in the world of magic. She looked at her friend, hoping she'd not noticed the momentary lapse of consciousness... hoping without much hope.

"I think maybe I should give the 'Reader's Digest' version... to spare my mental and emotional capacity." she said in final reply to the unspoken question. "But it begins kind of further back than the Deva ... ... ... incident" she managed, tripping over the memories that flooded and affiliated themselves with the word. "Can you handle that?" She hoped she could.

[Fyona Richards]

Whatever was robbing Fyona of Shari's attention was lost on her. She was too busy thinking her own morbid and sweat inducing thoughts that she did not even have time to really think about her friend's. Talk about being a friend huh? It wasn't until the first year next to her broke out into a screeching laugh did Fyona jerk back to reality. What on Earth would cause a child that young to laugh like that? She covered her right ear quickly and tried to squirm away from the young child, though she wasn't much older than her. She then picked up another sausage and shoved it into her mouth. How was she supposed to help --herself, Shari, or anybody for that matter-- if she could not concentrate long enough to hear only a few words. During the time that she was lost in her own world she could have missed the opening details and sometimes those were the most important. They set the tone for the rest of the story right? Like reading one of her old bed time stories. Where the story would upon on the introduction of a beautiful kingdom with beautiful people and beautiful animals and beautiful music playing in the background. Only there was no music playing in the background of this setting. Only the chattering of nearby students and the smells of steaming breakfast food. There were no beautiful people, only people with shells for bodies and black hearts. Don't forget the faces. She shuddered. In this story there were none.

Fyona listened to her friend as they both snapped back to each other. She had no idea what a "Reader's Digest" was, but she was willing to hear it anyway. She figured it had to be short because Shari wanted to spare her mental capacity. Fine. Hopefully this version would prove to save them both. Confession was supposed to be a cleansing thing, and if they were cleansed... If Shari were cleansed, then that would give Fyona some incentive for telling her side.

"Can you handle that?"

She believed she could. She looked into her friend's eyes and nodded, but in mid nod she stopped. There was this look in her friend's eyes. This look that... That what? She didn't know. Probably just seeing things. See what this is doing to me! All of this. I should just-- Listen to the story was what she was going to do. Listen to what the Raven had to get off her soul and be content with what was said. Perhaps say a few words or two in between to show the girl that she was listening. She didn't really want to hear about the Deva again. Not really , but if it was part of her story then she would listen. Who knew? Maybe a part of her story was a part of her own, though there may have been different demons haunting them.

"I'm ready to hear it Shari, and I hope you're ready too," she let out a big sigh and nodded as further confirmation. The girl with the bronze skin and the hair so black even midnight could get lost in it was sitting before her looking haggard and feeling wise. Fyona wanted to know what could turn such a serene vase of purity, into a diluted well of sorrow.

[mehra1993]

"Good." Shari forced the smile and in her head the narrative, all its images, started up like a picture. And then she began the narrative:

"Jhansi is a cultural town in the Indian State of Uttar Pradesh, on the border of India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and Tibet. The Himalayas are not too far from the state. I remember them as a kid. We moved to India before Mehkalah, my twin and I were born. When Mehka and I were four, Kumaran was born and we moved from Jhansi back to Africa... Popi had Ministry work there. Obviously not too long after, the Dark Lord arose for the final time and the Indian consult recalled all Native Indians back to their hometowns. While we were in Africa, we met one of Popi's Ministry friends, Brighid McNamara. She was working in Africa too. She had to return to Ireland when we returned to India, but she and I got on really well. After Harry Potter vanquished the Dark Lord, a summer or two after, I went to visit Brighid in England (she was living there and trying to get the Headmistress of Magical Games position). I met one of her friends there -- "

Shari blushed a little.

"-- I suppose you can say he was one of my first crushes, even though he was so much older than I. I was only nine, he was twenty-one. But he was so kind. He told me about this place and I thought there would be no place better than this -- after hearing all his stories being in Gryffindor and getting into all sorts of trouble -- there must be no place more like home than Hogwarts. So I applied. Mehka was already accepted into a school in Mumbai and I had been also, but I returned to India with Hogwarts on my mind. I was accepted, but Popi and Mami wouldn't let me go last year, so I ended up at Mumbai for one year before being allowed to transfer here. And I'm glad I did."

Shari truly was glad for it.

"But things had changed. Brighid and her friend, Shane, had gotten engaged, and though it was nice to see her so happy I was a little upset about it. Shane was still as sweet as before, but it seemed a light had left his eyes. I agreed to spend the Christmas holidays with them. Before we returned to school, I overheard Shane and Brighid talking about some person, Benezair Bhutto, in Pakistan. They were anxious about this person whom I could only assume was a Muggle since the name never appeared in the Daily Prophet. Obviously, the return to school is unforgettable --" In many more ways than one...

"Then Kumaran lost his powers, Mehka got in trouble with Muggles, Benezair Bhutto was killed and Mami and Popi decided, against my pleading, to leave Jhansi. Everyone was. And last of all --"

Tears came to her eyes and she thought she couldn't finish.

Last of all, Shane was murdered -

[Fyona Richards]

"Good." Yes good. Sort of. Good in a way that would definitely be good if all this talk led to something good. Fruitless if it didn't.

Fyona listened to the story focusing on every word, every sentence, every action associated with a certain person, those actions associated with a place, the emotions, and the meanings. Everything else around them faded out for a moment as she was first picked up and carried to a place called Jhansi. "A cultural town in the Indian State of Uttar Pradesh, on the border of India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and Tibet." Even though she had never been there before the place was before her, she was in the place because of Shari. So here she was, walking with the people of Jhansi and laughing with the people of Jhansi and dancing with the people of Jhansi. This little red-headed girl among what she thought of to be a sea of hair even darker than Shari's if possible. "The Himalayas are not too far from the state." She could feel them too. Giant looming mountains that she would never be able to see but always feel the more she stayed with the people of Jhansi. Suddenly all this was disrupted as first Shari appeared in the crowd, then Mehkalah, and Kumaran following behind. She had never seen those two before, probably couldn't even pronounce their names if she had too, but she saw them anyway.

It was more like everything Shari said was enhanced because Fyona wanted to so badly to forget her own woes. If only for a few minutes, she wanted to forget. She was here in Jhansi with these people and Shari's siblings. Without so much as a warning though she was in Africa. Here in Africa things did not seem as happy. Upheaval. People were freaking out and running around. People were being killed. A paper blew past Fyona but she caught it before the wind could capture it and sweep it off to another corner of the universe. Considering that the universe in her head had corners. In bold lettering were the words "The Dark Lord Has Risen." Strange and scary at the same time. Fyona's heart was gripped with fear and a strange metallicky taster entered her mouth. Coated her tongue and slid to the back of her throat. Her skin had gone dry and suddenly everything felt cold. This was quite possibly how the people here felt as they wandered in a panic from state to state seeking refuge from a power hungry monster. Was he faceless too? More than likely.

A woman appeared out of the gloom. Brighid McNamara, she knew because that’s who Shari said she was. "She was working in Africa too. She had to return to Ireland when we returned to India, but she and I [Shari] got on really well." Suddenly everything cheered up and people came back out on the streets, some looked cautious but others looked carefree. The sun was shining brighter and Fyona no longer felt cold, and the taste was gone in her mouth. In her hand the headline had changed. It now read "Harry Potter Vanquishes Dark Lord For Good." For good. Then time flew by and she was in England.

Following the natural progression of Shari's story she knew she was in England because she had been there before, she also knew it had been a few summers. So Shari was older as she looked at...Looked at who? He was her first crush and even though he was so much older than her --which is kind of creepy-- she liked him. He was kind. Fyona watched as he animatedly told her of Hogwarts. Or at least that is the way it seemed when she pictured this is how it might have happened. Shari was hanging on to every word and nodded enthusiastically asking for more about this foreign school. This younger Shari had no idea what would be in store for her in her second year did she?

Fyona was in the middle of the action as Shari ran past her to join...Her parents? Saying goodbye before she left for her school in Mumbai with her sister. Time flew again and the scene was almost the same. Only she knew this platform and she knew that Shari was going to Hogwarts now. She had been allowed to transfer here, "And I'm glad I did." Fyona was glad too. She was surprised to find that really was though she had never really thought about it. She had no time to really think about it. Here was Shane again. Looking dead on the inside though the outside could still breathe and speak and walk. A dead Shane spoke to a not-so-dead Brighid talking about someone named Benezair Bhutto. A possible muggle. As Shari mentioned to return to Hogwarts the world Fyona had found herself in wavered and shimmered. Threatening to go away and reveal faceless creature behind it, but it held strong. She sighed, relieved.

"Then Kumaran lost his powers, Mehka got in trouble with Muggles, Benezair Bhutto was killed and Mami and Popi decided, against my pleading, to leave Jhansi. Everyone was. And last of all --"

"Last of all?" she said grabbing Shari's hand and giving it a little squeeze for comfort.

[mehra1993]

Lost in the darkness, again... this was not any way to live. In here there was no life! It was just a swirling abyss where people's appendages swam, detached, and horror struck voices called out, hope drained from them. And walking across the abyss, invigorated with that familiar mischievous twinkle in his eye, Shane Brimswold. Gone to join his sisters and brother - the premature death legacy of the house Brimswold continuing to thrive. But he smiled. It was supposed to be like this. There was no ending to life, just a transference of the soul from one level to the next. Here he would be able to set up a nice living among the dearly departed siblings he'd lost so many years prior - here he could have a normal life where daily trials were all he had to worry over.

Shari smiled at him, and in his return smile she knew he would be alright. Whoever had murdered him would face a three-fold punishment. In this detached vengeance Shari felt her anger fall away. He was alright. He would live on in their memories. Shari would be fine. Brighid would be fine. Things were bound to get better from here on out. Shane reached out to her, she took his hand, and he gave her a squeeze... a squeeze that felt more real than her imaginings.

"Last of all?" Fyona said.

Shari returned... the abyss and its victims vanished and she became present once more. A lone tear trickled down her cheek and she, dumbly, looked down at her hand. It was Fyona's that grasped hers, not Shane. The truth made a second comeback and she realized how much of her story she had let loose to her friend. The grip wasn't tight but it felt as though Fyona was with her every step of the way - how comforting! How capital that was. Fyona seemed to be expectant on an answer to her question.

"Last of all -- " Shari continued, searching for the right words to describe what brought them here in her story. "Last of all, the Deva incident happened, and shortly after I learned about Shane from Brighid." Somehow the name of her friend conjured up a sense of disgust, but not in the jealous way... not anymore. It had been rumored Bee had started something with an attractive young Ministry man, behind Shane's back, but that seemed too dramatic to be true. Still, her feeling of disgust wouldn't shake.

"Bee is pregnant with twins, and it pains me to imagine how those children will grow up never knowing their father and what a great man he was." Shari felt comfortable enough to continue. Seeing Shane, if only in her mind, had given her the strength to allow him to live on in memory. "You see, sometime after or during our scandal with the Deva, someone killed him... Shane... their father. The whole family has been marked and picked off slowly since the first rise of the Dark Lord - and he and his brother Marius had managed to avoid the same fate, until then. Now Marius is the sole Brimswold son, of four, to still draw breath." When it was put like that, Shari was suddenly stimulated! Maybe there was a rhyme and reason to the murder? She wanted to jump up and run away to the Brimswold mansion in Oxfordtown... she wanted to help solve this mystery with clear logic and invigoration! Why couldn't she help?

"And thats the thing thats bothering me most." She concluded, somewhat rushed. "They'll never know him."