Celina Jedynak
Ravenclaw
Seventh year
Because it just took time, before a bird's wings could heal again.
Posts: 6
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Post by Celina Jedynak on Sept 4, 2008 20:57:52 GMT -5
Her face was in her legs, and though her hair was now tucked behind her ear, only her cheek was exposed. Streaks of wetness could be found on her face, but most of the water that seeped from her eyes were out of frustration, fear, and ultimately anger. This was all Felicity's fault, it had been since that fateful day. But of course, like the good friend she was... she took the wrap for all of it. Her and Drew were never further.... her brother had also never been further.... Celina found herself more alone than ever, and as she heard Connor say her name, and felt his hand on her arm she could only jump slightly, expecting him to go running off or worse... tell her that it was her fault.
Lifting her head, she sniffled and wiped the tears from her face furiously. "It was just like the time I'd put Felicity under a sleeping spell and when she didn't wake up, I had to find someone to help her.... that was my fault..." Celina started, frowning and shrugging. "Or like, the time Drew and Felicity and I went into the forest. My fault... Felicity knew I liked unicorns and said that we should go into the forest. I didn't want to, but then did... my fault." Everything had been her fault, just as the Deva thing... her fault.
"Her ideas... my fault...." Celina whispered looking back out toward the lake. How did any of that make sense? Why was she always the one at fault? Celina shook her head looking down between her legs and sighed. "Doesn't matter... Drew knows..." Celina snorted. "Well, he knows that it was my fault... I was too weak, my brother was there..." Celina paused.
Over everything else, it came down to one fact. "...and his girlfriend got hurt. He couldn't save her, and I was girl who gave her up." Celina shut her eyes. "That's all that had mattered to him... who knows why we talk anymore..." Looking up at Connor, Celina shrugged and tried to clear her throat. "I mean... the only reason why Felicity talks to me is because I lied to her..." Laughing sadly, Celina looked down, her knees falling to the side as she could no longer contain any emotion that she had held within her so long.
Her friendships were based on lies... whatever was different with Connor, Celina wanted to make sure that it wasn't a lie. If he left her now... at least it was because he knew some of what the truth was... some of the reason she was so off when it came to socially interacting with other people. Celina was the wrong crowd... she only wanted Connor to know just how wrong she really was.
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Connor Manning
Head Boy
Slytherin Seventh Year Quidditch Captain
something in the way
Posts: 737
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Post by Connor Manning on Sept 7, 2008 18:22:31 GMT -5
Connor dropped his hand slowly back to the ground, fiddling with a few blades of grass as he tried to divert his gaze from Celina. He didn't want to stare and freak her out more than she already seemed to be, but he wasn't used to seeing the girl in such a state save for the past January. He chanced a quick look at the girl and noticed the trail of tears cascading down, leaving her cheeks glistening even more. He looked down again, confused slightly if he should comfort her or leave her be. She had pulled away from him, but she looked downright pitiful as she huddled up against herself and cried. At last though, she lifted her head and began to talk.
' Her ideas... my fault.... '
He was uncertain about her words, confused by them even. She blamed herself for everything that had ever gone wrong... and that surely couldn't be true. Could one person hold blame for everything? Connor liked to think not. He shook his head softly, not saying much as he bit down on the inside of his cheek once again. As she moved on to elaborate about Drew's part in everything, Connor cocked his head to the side as he looked at her, now trying to understand a the complications that came with the friendships and relationships between Drew, Felicity, and Celina... He still didn't know what to think. It was a lot of information in a short amount of time, a lot of explaining and a lot of things for Connor to think about.
' I mean... the only reason why Felicity talks to me is because I lied to her... '
A lie is never a good thing to build and maintain a relationship upon, and Connor frowned slightly as he thought about it. His thoughts were interrupted by Celina's laughter and he glanced back over to her, wishing that he could take away her pain. He realized that he couldn't but it didn't have any affect on his yearning for it. He cleared his throat, making the effort to form words in his mind before he spoke. " Celina... I'm sorry that things didn't work out and... everything that's happened. " A frown developed on the boy's already grave looking face as he spoke. " I don't want... something to happen to us again. " It didn't have anything to do with Felicity or Drew or Alfonz, but Connor didn't really know what to say when it came to those topics. He barely knew what to say when it came to him and Celina alone.
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Celina Jedynak
Ravenclaw
Seventh year
Because it just took time, before a bird's wings could heal again.
Posts: 6
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Post by Celina Jedynak on Sept 11, 2008 8:28:08 GMT -5
Though she'd released a lot of what she was feeling, unloading it on the least expectant, Celina didn't feel any of the weight lift off from her. True, another knew, but he didn't say much. What was she really expecting him to say though? Celina didn't know. She'd not know what to say either if someone came out to her with all of this information. It was too much to handle... for herself, and anyone she told. Now she only hoped that Connor wasn't one to go off telling anyone.... but what if he was, and she didn't clearly think her actions through... again?
Celina... I'm sorry that things didn't work out and... everything that's happened.
Though his apology was appreciated, Celina didn't make any motions of her appreciation at all. She just shrugged, now thinking about what else she'd lost. Prefect went to some fifth year bimbo who couldn't do anything but be all over the guys in her year, and show off.... headgirl would probably go to someone deserving... all because of what? She made friends... and let her life be controlled by something other than her work. "I just wish I'd never met anyone... never wanted to in the first place," Celina whispered her voice cracking as her eyes continued to burn with the moisture she refused to let fall. "I mean, I lost prefect.... more than likely headgirl.... " her words trailed off. Those had been her goals since getting into Hogwarts.... hadn't they?
"...everything I ever wanted..." she whispered to herself barely audible.
I don't want... something to happen to us again.
His words took her by surprise, for they weren't what she was exactly going on about. She'd been speaking of Drew, and Felicity, and Alfonz.... Celina didn't know what her and Connor really were, and frankly, it was why she'd avoided the topic all together. Celina turned to face toward Connor and saw the utter look of loss on his face. He was at a loss, didn't know what to think or do, and in the end of it all... he just wanted there to be an 'us' between himself and Celina. "After everything I've done?" Celina said, her head tilting sideways in slight confusion. Was this like how Felicity and Drew had come back? Forget everything that had happened, only to start on a blank, but still awkward state? Could they do that, even now, with Connor knowing so much?
"Because..." Celina started, her eyes drifting towards the ground in fear and a bit of guilt. "I don't want there to be anything between us if it's just going to be like what I have with Drew and Felicity...." Celina played with the edge of her shirt and cleared her throat slightly. "...because I can't..." her brown orbs looked back up meeting hazel. "...forget."
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Connor Manning
Head Boy
Slytherin Seventh Year Quidditch Captain
something in the way
Posts: 737
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Post by Connor Manning on Sept 17, 2008 17:54:53 GMT -5
Through it all, he was positive that what he wanted most was to just sit. To stop talking, if even for a few moments or so, just so he could mull things over for a while. She had revealed more about herself tonight than she ever had in all of their encounters with one another before. He wasn't sure how to handle her at the moment, so he remained still as he stared straight ahead at the glassy surface of the lake. ' I just wish I'd never met anyone... never wanted to in the first place. ' Connor didn't think it was true... How could she regret a year of friendships, relationships in general? It was possible that she didn't like how things ended up happening, but Connor seriously doubted that Celina could really wish something that harsh. He shook his head, his bangs hanging in his eyes as he did so.
" You don't mean that, do you? " His issue was that he just didn't understand. He was trying his best to comprehend the meaning behind her words. They were filled with hurt, of course and why shouldn't they be? She had been hurt, betrayed even, and Connor didn't know what to do with that. Could he help her at all? He guessed that was what he wanted to do. Help her, save her. He needed her to be okay, because if she was, then maybe he would be too. It was a complicated mess of jumbled thoughts in his brain as he tossed these ideas around.
He waited for Celina's reaction, his left hand reaching up to his lip ring and spinning it around, tugging lightly as he waited. It felt like the longest time before she spoke, when really it wasn't all that long at all. ' After everything I've done? ' He nodded his head, feeling somewhat awkward now that he had thrown it all out there.
' Because... I don't want there to be anything between us if it's just going to be like what I have with Drew and Felicity.... ...because I can't... ' He held his breath, slight panic taking over him. She couldn't commit? Couldn't be with him? Couldn't... ' ...forget. ' Connor shook his head again, although keeping his eye contact with Celina. " I don't want you to. " How could he ask her to just forget everything that's happened to her? He couldn't, and he wouldn't even consider it to be an option. If he and Celina did end up together, through everything that had happened, then he didn't want to ask anything as extreme as that. It would be too much. Connor's hand edged toward Celina's, his fingers tentatively touching hers.
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Celina Jedynak
Ravenclaw
Seventh year
Because it just took time, before a bird's wings could heal again.
Posts: 6
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Post by Celina Jedynak on Sept 19, 2008 14:33:58 GMT -5
For four years of Celina’s school career, she’d been the girl in the back with the beautiful black cat. Never saying a word to any of the students she dwelled with in classes or just in her house in general, unless directly addressed, and only keeping her vocals crisp by that of speaking with professors and trying to get as high of a grade that she could in every class. Her goals back then included making her parents proud, her father prouder, and her brother able to look at her and see something more than just his little sister. She wanted prefect, head girl, and even to be on the quidditch team. Though she had no quidditch skills, before the Deva invasion and before she’d made friends at all, Celina had studied every game Ravenclaw had to a ‘T’ so that she could recite all of what was done back to her father and mother. To them, she was on the team… to her, it was just another test… another step to becoming elite.
And then her fifth year came… between her mother telling her she needed to make friends and contacts, and besides doing so only getting in the way of every dream and goal the Raven girl ever having, it had turned out pretty well…. Well, besides the Deva invasion that almost got herself, her brother, and Felicity killed… her not getting Prefect the following year, and then this year not looking any better for head girl. You don’t mean that do you? Connor asked her after she’d mention wishing that she had never made her friends. By the time she would answer, her tears had stopped, but her red puffy eyes still burned with the moisture that once again threatened to fall.
Sure, she’d had some laughs and some good times with her friends… but it wasn’t like she hadn’t had the same thing by herself, with Emerald. “Absolutely…” she whispered, not being able to say anything more about how much she blamed her friends for her downfalls. Ultimately, it was her fault for making them her friends. Her fault for falling in the shadows of Felicity Hjort, the girl that every guy wanted and every teacher eyed for one reason or another, and Drew Thornton… Mr. Popular, Head Boy, Prefect before that…. Celina questioned herself how she was even able to befriend such a guy…. Of course, the Deva invasion took care of that mostly any ways.
But she blamed them… Felicity could do no wrong. Vandalize school property with Raynor’s name being blasted… and still, she got prefect after losing her house 150 points, and dignity that as long as Raynor was still headmistress, they’d never live down. Among the other things… Raynor, in Celina’s mind, must have taken pity on her after the Deva invasion or something…. Or maybe, that she just felt like it was her fault, so babying the Gryffindor girl was what she felt was necessary. Celina had been at the school her entire life, worked harder than most in her grade… and for what? Not a whole hell of a lot…
Connor turned toward her and looked into her eyes as she told him that after everything, she couldn’t forget all of these feelings that her friends truly brought upon her. She couldn’t be with another person who would just add to all of this. It hurt too much to live so alone… so secluded in one’s own thoughts and misery. Thought of as nothing more than a self-pitying whine ass… Celina was more than that, and she knew it, but there was no way to show or tell anyone without looking like she was just making excuses for herself once more. I don’t want you to. His words meant a lot to her, and she only wondered if he actually knew how much. Celina doubted that he did, but as his fingers edged over towards hers, Celina found herself moving closer to the boy, putting her fingers through his. Sighing, Celina didn’t want to say anything more. It would ruin things… for him to know how much hate actually rested inside of her. Hate for her friends whom she couldn’t help but love and go running back to every time they needed her, her own hatred for Hogwarts after what it had allowed to happen, and then for it stabbing her in the back. Was she such a criminal to the school where she was constantly looked over and forgotten?
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