To hide from prying eyes (Annemarie/open)

[viola]

Annemarie listened to the story intently, noting that Griffiths was much like Brady in a sense where they blamed themselves for another's death. Another that was close to them had died, and the two men blamed themselves for the events. Again, like with Brady however, Annemarie was at a loss for words. Mary Ellen was always better at consoling those whom had lost, and watched the people closest to them suffer and die. It was probably one of the reasons why she had been coined Head Sister... Annemarie slowly reached up for Xander's hand as his voice cracked, just as she had placed her hand on Brady's that day... except this time, it was different. Her fingers slipped inside of Xander's hand, rather than resting just on top and she squeezed affectionately. "I'm so sorry for your loss," she sounded like a recording and she hated it.

And yet, she could find no other words that suited the situation. Everything that she thought of saying, could have been taking wrongly, or as if she had no heart and Annemarie didn't want Xander to be anymore upset than he already was. In her mind, he had been saved for a purpose. What the purpose was, she had no idea... but would the boy want him to be so afraid, or so buried within himself so that his life stalled? No. She highly doubted it, but Annemarie couldn't bring herself to say any of it... "Why won't you accompany me to the hospital wing? They can help you and fix the blood..." she whispered softly, almost as if she wasn't saying anything at all. She could now understand the blood... but why then wouldn't he allow her to take him someplace where she could have it rid of for him?

"Afraid I'll see something I haven't seen before?" she smirked, trying to lighten the mood, her cheeks somewhat blushing from her own bluntness. She was thirty two years old... enough said.

[Alexander Griffiths]

"Why won't you accompany me to the hospital wing? They can help you and fix the blood..."

Xander shook his head, "No need to disturb the nurse, I can heal myself. You have to extinguish the lamp light though, but I promise, it's only for a while." he said, looking down at Annemarie and smiling slightly. His tears were forgotten as she talked to him, everything seemed to be fine when he was with her, but in truth it wasn't. She made him feel better though, about what happened and all. "I also don't like the hospital wing, don't you remember that?" he asked, looking at Annemarie.

"Afraid I'll see something I haven't seen before?"

Xander blushed as Annemarie said this, "No, I'm sure you've seen it all. but I'm not that comfortable with hospitals." he said. He was still a bit nervous about what she said though, he didn't mean it that way. He just meant that well... he wasn't that fond of hospitals, especially since he just really didn't like to be there or even be forced to stay there.

[viola]

Annemarie saw his blush and laughed slightly as she turned toward the light. Knowing that it wasn't probably the most appropriate thing to say, she hesitated. "Sorry... I mean," she laughed again and her hand hovered over the switch to extinguish the flame. She hated the dark. Had ever since her seventh year at Hogwarts, and knowing this, he was asking her to turn off the lamp. Fair enough, he didn't like hospitals, she didn't like the dark; both were asking of each other to do something they were not comfortable with, but it seemed that she was the only one that was being made to actually do it.

"What if I just went around the corner with the lamp?" she said putting her hand down and pushing herself up from off the ground. Bending over, she picked up the lamp, her head turning to look at him once more she smile kindly. "That way, we both get our way," as it usually happened in one way or another. "I won't be far away..." she told him so that he wouldn't worry. She wasn't about to leave him, not in his condition.

"Oh," Annemarie said, her body turned the corner to round the book shelf, and then she looked back just barely, starring directly at Xander. "...yes, I do remember you telling me..." it was something weird about dreams and lots of blood and some other things that Xander had told her about once or twice, but she never fully paid attention. The idea of dreams coming to reality was bizarre for her. "I'll be right here..." she said, standing just out of sight from Xander, but the light shown brightly, making her presence known.

[Alexander Griffiths]

Xander nodded at Annemarie, then he managed a small smile as she laughed. Weird that he smiled, but he just couldn't help it. He was then shadowed by the darkness again after Annemarie moved away from him with the lamp, they both always get their way. Annemarie had developed a fear of the dark, while he developed a fear for blood. In a weird way, they were kind of connected, not by the mark, but by something else. He didn't know though, and he didn't want to find out right now.

Xander looked down and summoned new bandages, then he took off the blood soaked bandages and pointed his wand on the wound. "Episkey" he muttered, then he conjured a cloth and soaked it in water. He cleaned the wound gently and got rid of the blood, then he re-dressed his wound with new bandages. When he was done, he vanished the old bandages and the blood soaked cloth. He then turned to where Annemarie was and called out, "I'm done"

[viola]

It took what felt like forever, of course, it could have just been Annemarie's imagination due to the fact that she was nervous about someone finding them, and also nervous about Xander taking care of himself. Someone else should have been treating him, but she knew that in that way she just wasn't qualified. She sighed, waiting for her cue to come so that she could round the corner and be with him.... or rather, make sure he was alright again. When it came, she let out a sigh of relief and slowly rounded the corner, holding the light up high to see him. She smiled and stood at a somewhat crooked stance, her arm that wasn't attached to the light, wrapped around herself.

"Are you doing alright?" she asked softly, not really knowing what else to say. He looked a bit better... but not much, and it panged her more than she thought possible. What was going on with her? And why now? All questions Mary Ellen said she'd get answers to.... in due time...

[Alexander Griffiths]

Xander smiled at Annemarie as she approached, but he knew if he tried to stand his leg will hurt. "Yeah, I'll be fine. I'll have to drink some blood replenishing potion though." he said, shrugging. Xander was a bit surprised though, usually Annemarie didn't speak to him like this. He usually got some pretty harsh things from her, but he was grateful she was being understanding right now. He was still shaken by the memory of his dead apprentice, but he was gonna get over it...somehow.

Xander stayed there, looking at Annemarie and then around the shelves. Something caught his eyes, he looked at it and gasped. "The muggle Book about myths" he said, remembering the time when he and Annemarie were there in their school days.

[viola]

Annemarie just looked at him and sighed. He never was careful, and always had taken more upon himself than she thought that he should have. Shaking her head, she could feel her own frustrations rising again. "Well, good," she said, not snapping at him, but at the same time not too overly pleased about any of this. He should have just gone to the hospital wing... it wasn't as if she avoided the dark when she knew there was advantages to going into it... it scared her, but still... "You ought to take more care of yourself Xander," Annemarie looked away. "At least for the others who care about you if you can't do it for yourself." She didn't want to look at him, and between the moments that passed between them of silence she sighed, only looking back at him when he spoke up once more.

"Yes, they have a lot of old books here, Xander... what about it?" Annemarie remembered lots of things, but specific books she did not. The memories had slowly begun to fade from her, and unlike Xander whom lived in the past, she had done a lot to get away from it. Now look at where that got her...

[Alexander Griffiths]

Xander looked at Annemarie as she spoke, she couldn't even look at him? that's a great help. He sighed, then he slowly stood up, but with a bit of difficulty. "I'm alone, I take care of myself as good as I can. Maybe you didn't notice, but I'm not dependant even from when we met." he said. Xander then started limping towards the book and took it out of it's shelf, he vanished the dust with his wand and limped back to his chair. There was something in here that he had to find, he had to clear something.

"You'll laugh at me if you knew what I am trying to do, most of them does." he answered, not looking at Annemarie. He focused on the book and opened it, he flipped through stories about mighty beings. He searched through them and finally found myths about the Gods and Goddesses. He looked through it for the Greek and Roman Gods and Goddesses, he sighed. "Thought so" he muttered.

[viola]

As he stood, Annemarie had to resist the urge to push him back down into the chair... that, and the urge to help him. "I never said you were dependent or independent..." Annemarie whispered, a slight bit a venom coming through. "I'm saying that you don't take care of yourself. You never have, Xander..." She knew he was independent, that he thought he could conquer the world. She knew more about him than he allowed himself to believe... and yet, he still did everything against her wishes. "I'm saying you're reckless... always have been." She looked at him when he sat back down with a book in his hand, starring hard into his eyes, concern flooding hers. She didn't want it to, but everything Mary Ellen had said, and with everything she felt... she couldn't help but be concerned.

"How do you know I'll laugh if you've never given me the chance to prove you wrong?" It seemed that in some ways, that's all their relationship was, and had ever been. Proving each other wrong. He proved to her that she had a heart, a reason worth living for when she doubted that she ever did... she proved to him that there was nothing wrong in not just having friends that were impure, but also loving one... and one that was a snake, no less. They played a game of proving each other wrong, over and over again... how would now be any different than before?

Walking over to him more, to his side, she looked over his shoulder, curious to what he was finding. "Do you not look at me when I speak to you? Or is your work now more important than those around you?" she whispered her questions, only have jesting. After all she had come to realize... she just wished it was that simple.

[Alexander Griffiths]

"Why would you care? that was 15 years of nothing, I can't help but he reckless. The job I have is not boring at all, it's dangerous. I have to dodge every spell I can, I have to ignore every comment they give me and I have to live with the fact that I may not see the people I love and care for again. I'd rather put myself on the line of danger, than be shunned away from everyone. Besides, weren't you the one blaming me for not returning? Blame your owl, not me." he said, not looking at Annemarie. He continued to read the book and know something, also he needed a distraction.

"Because... just because" he said, still not looking at her. It was a pathetic reason, but he didn't want to tell her anything. He didn't want to tell her of his worries, he was already on the black list of some Ravenclaws and Gryffindors. He didn't want anyone to know that or that he was searching for something that would be almost impossible, even for him. "Did you look at me when I spok to you? did you look at me when I tried to explain? did you even listen to me?" he asked, still not facing her. "My work, is the only thing I have now. It's the only thing I can say that I have." he added, clenching his fist.

[viola]

He was being impossible. Why would she care? Because she...she could hardly even think what she was to herself, let alone have the courage to tell him. Sister Mary Ellen's voice was heard in her head again, but she couldn't know how to perform such tasks. She looked away from him again. "You're impossible, Griffiths..." she whispered annoyed like, and turned to the side away from him, but didn't walk away. She needed to collect herself... that was it. At Hogwarts, there was no danger. No threat, and putting himself in the way of whatever he felt was, was only bound to get himself fired. Annemarie didn't know what she'd so now if he was taken from her again, and yet, she couldn't even admit to him out loud that she needed him there at Hogwarts. He'd been her sanity... in a very weird, and confining sort of way. "I'd rather not place any blame on the innocent..." she hissed silently.

Did you look at me when I spok to you? did you look at me when I tried to explain? did you even listen to me?

He spoke of before, and she turned around, becoming more angry with him by the second. No, she hadn't looked at him. How could she look at a man she believed to have left her to be without anything of what she thought was real? He took all of her hopes and dreams and crushed them! And she still blamed him, but she'd blame herself even more if she just took this criticism from him. "Don't you dare compare me to you, without knowing what there truly is to compare, Xander!" she yelled slightly, keeping her voice low enough so no other would hear her.

Annemarie's eyes began to burn with moisture again, but this time it was more from frustration from anything else. This is how he treated her when she came to help him? When she'd do anything to help him?! Sister Mary Ellen was wrong... she couldn't love him, couldn't give in... not when it seemed he couldn't even do the same in return for her. "Your work?! Your work?!" Annemarie paused trying to cool herself off a tad so that her voice would not be raised in the library.

"My work is the only thing I've ever lived for! I lost everything else when I lost you!" Annemarie closed her eyes as the light dropped from her hand and going out as it hit the ground, she backed up slightly again the opposite bookshelf and collapsed to the ground. The shadows danced around her, but at this moment she was more annoyed with Xander to even realize her fear of the dancing phantoms. A tear trickled down her cheek out of frustration, and hurriedly she brushed it away. "Never mind..." she whispered. "Just... never mind anything..." her fingers trailed up and played with the necklace as they found themselves doing when she was upset... he only thought about himself it seemed to Annemarie and she couldn't take it any more. Sister Mary Ellen was wrong, and that was just that.

[Alexander Griffiths]

"I try to be..." he asnwered, looking down at the book again. If she wanted him to wait, then she has to suffer a long time of him being difficult to her. "Be yourself and convince me to take off the mask that I now wear" he added, looking at the book, but not reading anything. How hard was it to avoide someone you love? it was hard, harder than anyone would know. He was doing this because it was the only protection he knew, the only thing he could do to prevent himself from letting all his emotions loose. If she wanted it that way, then so be it. She can ignore him again and he'll probably just leave again. This help she was giving him, was not making it all better.

Xander ignored Annemarie, as much as he can. He ignored her telling him about comparing, he couldn't ignore it when she told him what she lost though. This made him drop his book, they were in the dark again. "Now you feel how I feel, now you feel how it is to be forgotten, hwo to be ignored, how to put up with everything they have to throw in your face. If you just opened up, Annemarie. Then I would throw away this mask and show you how In really am. A miserable man, the only way I could get away from misery is to live in my past. There is nothing good in my present, especially when the person I love has succeeded in pushing me away." he said, feeling tears roll down his cheek.

As much as Xander hated to cry, it can't be helped. Love was here to make people believe, and also was here to make them miserable. But what was there to make all the pain heal? and all the tears disappear? Right now, Xander wouldn't know and couldn't care less.

[viola]

And now, after everything, he was contradicting. He wore a mask, and then told her to take off hers. He would only do it if she did, and that infuriated her. "I'm not wearing a mask..." she paused, her words whispered. "If you only knew me, you'd know that." She turned away from him, her body feeling smaller than it really was, and her skin feeling less wrinkled. It was as if she were reliving a memory, one in which she could never free herself from. As a woman, she was supposed to be stronger than she was as a girl... but when she started to fall for him, almost a decade and a half prior, she could hardly hide herself from him then. He had once shown her that love was a two way street, but then he blocked that street... it became one way, and yet, anymore it almost was hard to say whose way was the open way.

"I never forgot you... could never ignore you..." she had tried, but failed miserably. What more did he want from her? Did he enjoy watching her writer on the ground in the dark like a worm, or wounded animal? Stretching her arm up, she grasped a hold of the bookshelf and pulled herself up from off the ground. He wanted her to open up to him, as if it were something so easy to accomplish... it had taken her months to do so in the past. How long had it taken her to open up to him finally? Isn't that what he had fallen in love with? The fact that with him, she could open up? It was why he hadn't tossed her aside and gone back to who he had been? For he was afraid that she would never speak with him again... Annemarie was done at the moment... done.

"If I had succeeded, my friend..." she paused, hugging herself as she turned towards him and cocked her head. Her eyes played tricks on her as she could feel the darkness closing in on her, and yet, she couldn't move. Not yet... not when she hadn't said her peace. "...then why are you still here?" she whispered her question, knowing full well that he was still waiting. She took a few steps forward, and stood before him... Annemarie knew that she was indirectly toying with his heart, and she didn't mean to... but this wasn't like when they were kids. It would be ten times more difficult.

"What mask am I supposed to throw away, dear Xander..." she spoke calmly and softly. "Are you sure that it isn't what's got a hold of me? Something I cannot throw away?" she asked of him, then taking her hand she lifted his chin to meet her eyes. "You're always saying I'm different, and yet I'm not... what makes you think I'm really the one in control?" she was annoyed, and now was just being plain mean... especially, when she knew better, but Annemarie needed to know... how did he dare blame her for everything, when he was the one who had broken her heart in the first place. Owl or not... was she really that hard to find after?

[Alexander Griffiths]

"But you have, you have ignored me. I would have left my job if there was still something to find. I'm not a seer, not a toy and I am not made of steel. How would I know you? I barely recognize you. Go ahead, do what you want. Your toy is spent and broken, a heart can only wait for so long before it would give up. Don't worry, if you really are just playing around. There won't be an Alexander Griffiths in the staff next year, I'll leave you on your own again. Because I. Give. Up." Frustration, fear, short tempers and ofcourse hurt. A mix that one would never expect someone like Xander could have. He was human still and he could feel still, he was just good at hiding it.

He then saw her move infront of him and he expected to be slapped, shouted at or something. Something to bring him back to his own control, something to shake him awake to reality. but instead he felt her lift his chin to meet his eyes, then she asked him a question. "Because if you weren't in control, would you have let me in the first time?" he answered, questioning her as well. Faulted owl or not, he still wouldn't have gotten a chance to have her if she didn't take control of her life.

"If it wasn't you, than can you explain to me who it was?" he said, still looking her straight in the eyes. The tears stopped, the sadness was gone in his eyes. He was frustrated now, and he was tempted to let his anger get out on her again. He controled his emotions though, with all the will power he could muster, Xander Griffiths could still stop himself from being angry at someone.

[viola]

And so there was his decision... he'd already made it, and Annemarie's heart began to quake just slightly. It would have been like Morey. No word, just never shown back up again at the beginning of the term, and leaving Annemarie. Leaving her to the wolves all by herself. She should have slapped him, she should have told him that with just those thoughts he was unworthy of her. And yet she didn't... she wanted him to say that he'd save her from herself, as he had so long ago... and he didn't do that either. "Maybe as much as I preach, I don't like being in control..." she whispered harshly to him. Was that the truth? Did she like being out of control? It was how they had gotten themselves in this mess to begin with, wasn't it? She had lost herself to a man that would have killed her if Xander hadn't stepped in... taking back over the reigns of her life, and falling in love with her in the process. Maybe she put herself in situations she couldn't control, begging the fates to bring him back to her...

...was she really that pathetic?...

She let her hand drop from his chin and shook her head. "You wouldn't care, would you?" she sneered. "You're planning on leaving again any ways... what's the point." She could see the anger in his eyes, and strangely enough, she wanted to tempt it further. She'd heard from her own Prefect how hostile he could become, and Annemarie wanted to see it for herself. She wanted to see what others had and believe them about him being a vicious man... not the lover she wished she had. Annemarie van Aller wanted to fear him as she had heard some did... she wanted to hate him....

Not love him.... not if he was already planning on leaving.

Her fist had already clenched while she thought, and her eyes had allowed multiple tears to flow down her cheeks. She didn't know when, or for how long, but as she brought her hand up finally to do something she should have done many times before... she thought about how she couldn't possibly love this man... "Then leave... see if I ever love you again," she said as she swung her open hand towards the man's face.