Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Oct 1, 2008 0:04:49 GMT -5
"I did come back," he protested. In truth, he had never even left the castle. As soon as he had been able to, he had tried to get a message to her but she hadn't gotten it. She hadn't believed he'd come back and had tried to leave on her own. Had she trusted him to come back for her, she would have been safe.
This wasn't going well. He knew he should have just kept his big mouth shut, but he had to make sure she knew he'd come back for her. It was clear to him that she didn't know that at all.
"I thought you would be okay..." he said, knowing he had made a drastic error in that assumption. It had all hinged on her trust of him, which she obviously hadn't... still didn't from the sound of it. "And I did come back. I did."
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Oct 1, 2008 0:28:23 GMT -5
"No, you didn't," she told him seriously, still shaking her head. "You tried to come back, but you didn't. You didn't even ask me if I was going to be all right, you told me I would be, and you were wrong. You were wrong about what I was going to be and you left and didn't come back. I know you tried, you told me that, but you didn't. None of you did, you all left and left the rest of us in there with those people, Drew. But you didn't come back, not in time."
What if it happened again? What if next time he didn't come back at all? What if he didn't come back in time again and things were worse? Or what if he did come back and things were even worse?
"Drew you can try and do what you can, but don't promise me something you can't guarantee. You can't guarantee that you'll return, that I'll be fine, it's all ready been proven that I wasn't, that you couldn't. I don't like broken promises, and I don't want anymore of them."
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Oct 1, 2008 0:55:02 GMT -5
Drew didn't know how to answer that, confused by her accusations. He hadn't ever promised her anything he couldn't guarantee and had actually gone out of his way not to tell her that he would always be there to keep her safe. Still, somehow he had implied it and had given her the empty promises he had tried so hard to avoid.
She was right. He had tried but it hadn't been enough. If he had tried harder to get his message to her, she would have been okay. By the time she realized that he was there, it had been too late. No wonder she didn't trust him. No wonder she hadn't waited for him.
He didn't know what to say to her, feeling more guilt over the situation than he ever had before. He thought he had done what he could, but he was wrong.
"I'm sorry," he finally said as he hung his head, barely choking the words out. He had chosen to leave and she had gotten hurt. Why would she even want to be with a guy who had done that to her?
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Oct 2, 2008 0:36:19 GMT -5
She waited. He didn't answer right away and she watched as his emotions spread across his face like she had just given him the worst news possible. But what was the worst news? That she didn't like broken promises...and then she thought about it when the glint on her finger touched her eye. He had told her he gave his last girlfriend a broken promise, was he thinking that what he gave her was one ready to be broken? No. He wouldn't do that to her, he loved her, he constantly told her he loved her and he told her he didn't want to break the promise he made to her that night.
His apology rang in her ears, but she didn't like it. He couldn't help it, what happened was in the past and now all they had was what was right then and in the future. She wanted to be with him more than anything right then and in the future, but he couldn't make her a promise that he'd come back. What if he didn't? She knew as an Auror it was his job to help people, she understood that. She knew that him being an Auror would take a toll on them, there was no way it couldn't. Just like Harold and Raquel, their relationship had had a huge toll, but it worked out for them, and it would for she and Drew. They wanted to be together and so they had to work at it. Their relationship had all ready been through trials and yet they were together, even after that break, they were together.
"Please, just don't tell me in that situation that you'll come back, because what if you don't?" she asked, feeling the tears falling like a waterfall. What if he didn't come back and she was left alone, what if he couldn't return? What if he was hurt so badly, she'd never see him again and she just kept holding him to the promise that he'd be back... It'd hurt her if he didn't return.
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Oct 2, 2008 20:38:38 GMT -5
There was only one thing he could think of that would keep him from coming back for her, and it took him a moment to realize that was exactly what she was thinking of. The cocky, self-confident side of him wanted to tell her with all certainty that it would never come to that, that he could handle anything thrown at him, but the more logical side of him knew that wasn't so. He was an 18 year old wizard and while he was looking at three years of training, it wasn't likely that the Deva would go easy on him just because he was young. Drew knew he was smart and strong, but he couldn't always expect his opponents to be stupider and weaker. No, he might not come back.
Not only was there a possiblity that he might not come back, he was painfully aware that they might use Felicity to get to him. That night two years ago, Shaw had made it clear that he wasn't above something like that and while Drew wouldn't want any harm to come to his old girlfriend, he also knew the threat wouldn't have the same effect. Felicity had been unknown and therefore safe... until January. Not only had she made herself known to the Deva leader, Alfonz Jedynak had to know about her relationship with Drew. If the Deva needed to, they could use her to get to him.
He couldn't do it. He couldn't put her in danger and he couldn't go off and leave her when the possibility of her getting hurt again was right there. It was his fault she had been hurt before and he knew it. He had left. He hadn't been there. He hadn't come back in time. He had known it even before she told him.
"I don't know what to do..." he said, mumbling mostly to himself. He couldn't leave her again, knowing she could get hurt. He couldn't keep her safe if he was gone. He couldn't make up for what he had already done. He couldn't even apologize for leaving her to get hurt because she wouldn't accept it.
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Oct 2, 2008 21:22:21 GMT -5
Maybe he didn't know what to do, but she told him what she didn't want him to do. If he promised her he'd return and he didn't, what would she do? It all ready hurt to think there was a possibility he wouldn't return someday, that it was possible he would be worse that hurt. Felicity had all ready accepted the fact that he could be hurt, she accepted that when they were only friends, but now, there was more to them. They weren't just friends anymore, they were together, she wanted to be with him forever, and she was awfully sure he wanted to be with her just as long.
"Just promise me you won't tell me that you'll come back in that situation, Drew. That's all I want you to do. You can't tell me you'll be back, because you don't know that you will be, I don't know that you will be, and I don't want you to break a promise that you will come back...and then you don't." Words were choked together, barely above a whisper.
It was something they had to get over together, the possibilities. But there were dangers in what she wanted to do as well, but they were nowhere near what his dangers were. She just didn't want to think about him not returning, but at the same time, she had to think about it because otherwise, if something did happen, how was she going to deal with it? What she needed was for him to tell her it was all right, that he wouldn't tell her he'd return in that situation, she needed him to tell her that.
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Oct 3, 2008 0:24:14 GMT -5
He shook his head, not able to make the promise she was asking him to. Promising not to promise to come back sounded mixed up enough for him to sound like a promise not to come back at all. He knew it wasn't the same thing, but it sounded too close for him to be comfortable saying it.
If he didn't leave her, then he wouldn't have to worry about not coming back, and he wouldn't have to worry about making or breaking such a promise.
"I won't make any promises I can't keep," he told her solemnly, knowing that was probably the best he could do. He couldn't tell her he wouldn't come back any more than he could tell her he would.
"But I can't do it. I can't go off again because what if you get hurt? I can't do that," he told her.
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Oct 3, 2008 1:06:23 GMT -5
"Please?" she pleaded when he shook his head in answer. All she wanted was for him to never tell her that he'd come back because if he didn't she'd be so hurt, and she didn't want his promise of return hanging over it all on top of everything. It was all she needed to hear from him right then and the topic would be over. If he promised never to tell her that, then she wouldn't bring it up again, it was all she wanted to hear, his vocals telling her he promised not to say it again when it came to that situation. If some day they were living in the same arrangements, and he went out for milk and promised to return, that was fine, but not when he was leaving for something like different. For what she was afraid of.
"Drew, you can't..." she started, hearing his words and knowing what he meant immediately. "You have to, it's what you want, you don't have to worry about me. As an Auror you have to go, remember? We talked about it all ready, your job is to help others, you have to." He couldn't worry about her, he just couldn't. What if his mind was so focused on worry about her that he was hurt? It would be her fault if he was hurt.
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Oct 5, 2008 15:07:10 GMT -5
"I can't Felicity," he whispered back, wishing he could just to make her happy, but he knew it wasn't right for him. He just couldn't promise what she was asking if he didn't think he could live with it.
"I understand what you're saying," he told her. "It's just... it's just I need the opposite. If I go, I need you to believe I'll do everything I can to come back. I just can't go off and leave you if you don't believe I'll come back. Because if I know you're expecting me to, then I have to, don't you see that? I know you understand that the job of an Auror is dangerous and that realistically I might not come back, but if I go off, I need you to trust that this isn't that time."
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Oct 5, 2008 15:29:42 GMT -5
"I want you to." More than anything she wanted him to always return, to be safe so she could hug and kiss him on his return, so they could always be together. But she didn't want him to tell her he'd be back. "Drew, I want you to come back, I'll always expect to see you, to know that you will return and then I can stop worrying, for a little while. But I don't want you to tell me you'll return, because if you don't..."
Her heartbreak was going to be bad enough as was, without him telling her he'd be back. She loved him, she knew exactly how she felt and she hoped he knew. But if he promised her he'd return, it would be worse, she knew it would be.
"...If you don't, Drew I don't know what I'd do. I love you, I want you to return, I'll always want that, and I know you'll try, I know you'll try really hard to come back, I know that. But I don't want you to tell me you'll come back, I know you will. I need you to."
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Oct 5, 2008 18:20:35 GMT -5
"Okay," he answered, thinking he could work with that. All he asked was for her to know he'd do what he could to come back, that he wasn't going to leave and then just give up on coming back. He still couldn't promise not to say it though because he needed to have that reminder for himself. If he left, she was expecting him to come back.
But that was all assuming he would leave to begin with. He couldn't live with the knowledge that she had gotten hurt again because he hadn't been there. "But... but what if I'm too late again? What if I have to leave and you get hurt because of it? What if I'm not there again? I can't live with that."
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Oct 5, 2008 21:43:16 GMT -5
Shifting her seat, Felicity gently climbed into Drew's lap, getting as close as possible to him as she could. She needed to be with him right then, the blonde couldn't stand being away from him any longer. What Drew wanted was to be an Auror and she knew he wanted to be with her, but he needed to put what he'd wanted for a long time first. How long had he wanted to be an Auror? She was sure of the exact amount of time, but it'd been for a while and she thought he needed to do it. Drew wanted to help people and that meant he had to do what he could, it was something she loved about him dearly.
"Then help me to learn," she told him seriously, taking his face in her hands and guiding him to look at her, touching the end of her nose to his. "Teach me what I need to know to protect myself when you leave. Just make me learn, and you're protecting me that way. I know you do all you can to keep me safe, but sometimes it's not enough. Make me learn spells better, help me so I can keep myself safe when we're not side-by-side. Drew, I want to go to Kenya almost more than anything, but you won't be able to protect me there like you do here. So teach me, and then you'll still be protecting me."
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Oct 6, 2008 0:17:02 GMT -5
It always felt better when she was close to him and as she snuggled into his lap, he knew that giving up his dream to go to the Academy to stick close to her was both foolish and impractical. He couldn't keep his eye on her 24/7 and as much as he hated it, he couldn't always protect her. She was right. The best way to keep her safe was to make sure she could protect herself.
"I don't want you blaming me..." he said softly, afraid of saying it aloud, but needing to get it out. "I already blame myself enough for what happened and when you remind me how I wasn't there, it feels a million times worse."
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Oct 6, 2008 1:41:47 GMT -5
"Drew, I don't blame you for what happened," she told him softly. While she didn't like that he hadn't been there, she didn't blame him. It was because of Raynor that Drew left, if she hadn't screwed things up Drew would've been there the whole time. There was no blame on Drew, and while she knew her words sounded like she did blame him, she didn't. She blamed Raynor and Shaw and herself. Celina was a casualty in it all, it wasn't her fault, it was Felicity's fault for Celina's part in it all.
Stroking his cheek gently, Felicity closed her eyes, wishing she hadn't said what she had. There was no blame on him. No, he hadn't been there, but it wasn't his fault.
"I don't blame you for what happened Drew. I know it sounded like it, but I don't. It's not your fault, I did what I did and that man did what he did and Raynor sent you away. It's not your fault. Yes, I'm mad that you weren't there, but I don't blame you, I can't blame you for what happened."
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Oct 6, 2008 21:50:02 GMT -5
For the last year and a half all he had really heard from her was that he hadn't been there. No, he really didn't think she was blaming him on purpose, but it still hurt like heck everytime she said it. He already knew it was his fault for leaving and for not being there.
Her hand on his cheek made him feel better and he gave a long sigh. Still, there were those nagging questions running through his mind.
"I don't want you to be mad at me for leaving either," he said. He didn't think he could really expect her to stop that one, but he still wanted to let her know.
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