[301] His Words, Her Tears

[Shay M. Loire]

Shay paused to look up at him straight in the eyes. It wasn't some stand for courage. She already knew her had that effect on her to not look him straight in the eyes as she did with others. But this three second stare just came up out from a subconscious effort to examine him. Then she slowly nodded. "Uhm, it's alright. She was just as worried as you are," She muttered her words, finding that her voice had gone low. Maybe it was a somewhat courteous manner since they were out on the hallway? Or maybe she was just silenced by his presence, now in the stark contrast of the scene of a few hours ago...

Looking to Celina, she tried out another smile and stepped forward just a bit to give a reassuring pat on the shoulder to the girl. "Sleep well tonight, Celina." Instantly she pulled herself back to the other side of the doorframe. As she did, she met with his eyes again and sort of a polite flicker of a smile. She wanted to say more after that.... but she could only say just a little.

[alfonztytusjedynak]

Alfonz's hand seem to pet Celina, running down her long black hair, as he tried his hardest not to smile. A smirk appeared, as he looked down at his younger sister. "Worried...? About what Celina? You know I always come back..." at that he trailed off a bit and looking in Shay's eyes again. As much as he believed what he said with his younger sister, he almost wondered if that could have been true with anyone else....with Shay? He doubted she'd even take whatever it was they had back, any ways, so he broke the glance and looked back down at his sister.

Celina by this time was looking up at him with a smile of mischief on her face. Her tears had stopped but her face still had the effects of crying. He wiped the moisture away from her cheeks a bit and smiled back, but cautiously. What was she smiling about? "What?" he asked her silently, not knowing exactly what to think. Celina turned her head and looked back at Shay, and then back at her brother. Alfonz was trying not to be a bit irritated by this with how tired he was. Why couldn't she just say it?

As Shay wished Celina a well night's sleep, Alfonz shook his head a bit. Was there something more? Did he miss something? "Was there something more?" he asked out loud this time, looking from Celina to Shay in curiosity. Did he leave...or was he supposed to stay. He wished he wasn't so tired, but he really didn't understand what was going on at all.

(permission to god)

[Shay M. Loire]

Looking at the scene before her, she wished she had an older brother of her own to give a hug to. If that had come true, she would have told him her woes, and he would have cheered her up sooner and maybe even helped her get over Alfonz. Yet with the lack of a fairy tale like that, she knew she was going to face that one somewhat alone again, unable to find empowerment until later on when self pity wore itself out. Maybe she had to talk to Allegra and Brittany sooner than she thought.

When Alfonz seems to question if there had been more than just Shay housing Celina temporarily, she looked to the girl and back to him. She wasn't sure to tell him so soon that she wanted a calm conversation with him. Maybe have Celina pass it on to him later? Yet that seemed almost immature, as if she put herself back in grammar school, where notes had just as much effectiveness as the aforementioned plan.

Instead, she just shrugged. "I only explained why we left it the way we did." It seemed like the wrong wording, seeing as she didn't tell Celina everything that surrounded their squabble and break off. She just didn't want to accuse Alfonz of being a bigot in front of his baby sister.

[alfonztytusjedynak]

Too tired at the moment to really rebuttal anything with Shay, Alfonz just took what she said as that. Though, as he thought about it, the words that blurted from his mouth only seemed to be from the annoyance he felt about the whole situation. "Left what?" He had never wanted to leave anything they had the way he did, but Shay was overstepping boundaries. Overstepping limits. And as he doubted that she had said anything to Celina that could have turned her against him, especially with her latching hug, Alfonz couldn't barely hold himself together. "Celina, go back to the apartment...I'll be right there."

With that Celina left reluctantly to go back to the apartment, looking back every once and a while to see what was going on, if anything. As she ducked into the apartment, Alfonz brought his gaze back to Shay and rubbed his eyes annoyingly. Not knowing what to say he just stood there and thought. What was he supposed to do, apologize? Why him? She was the one who had started everything, as childish as that sounded in his mind, she really was. So, why then would he then have to be the one to apologize?

Finally, he just gave up. There was nothing he could really say. "Well, Miss Loire. I hope you have a good night." He didn't leave just then, rather, waited for her to shut the door on him, for if she did, he told himself it would be the last time.

[Shay M. Loire]

She would have rather wanted to be frustrated at his sight, and kept it that way. He just still seemed so cold and formal, and it was nothing at all like the times they were together. She stil didn't know what kind of man she wanted as all of her boyfriends in the past have differed from each other. And so going back to any sort of rubric wasn't going to work for her, and it wasn't going to shake the feelings she had for him.

So, as he had his last words ready and she had her hand on the knob on the door, she had to choose to have him stay or go. Stay or go? It wasn't that easy. It wasn't going to fall into her lap...

"I told you-- Miss Loire is too formal for my taste." She gripped the knob to reassure that her words were going to set her on a beneficial path. In this same attempt to sound like things had blown over... she managed a smile.

[alfonztytusjedynak]

Too formal for her taste? Shay was being herself and as fast as Alfonz's irritation came to her statement, it disappeared just as fast. Was that a smile? Alfonz paused for a second, not knowing what to do or say. If she was smiling, and still wanted her to call her Shay, then what did that mean? Was she still upset with him? Why did he care? He was in the right the whole time. Had she finally realized that?

There were so many questions and not a good starter one. She didn't close the door yet on his face, and that was a surprise just in itself. Should he.....could he....? Alfonz didn't know if making any moves was a good idea. And when he thought of what moves to make, turning to go back to his apartment was on the top of that list...but then why didn't she shut the door? Was she waiting for him to say something...?

"Shay..." he said, not knowing what should come after that. Did he apologize? What in bloody hell for? And then Alfonz thought about his comments made, and as much as he believed most of what he said...there were others he wished he could erase from the young woman's mind. "....the past is written, as as much as I wish I could go back and rethink things....I can't..." but that was all he could say. He didn't want to apologize right out, or say that he was wrong completely, because he felt he wasn't. But....he couldn't help but still wish that she was pureblood....at least then, what he said wouldn't matter.

[Shay M. Loire]

"I wish you did rethink things, even before you said them," Shay said suddenly like rapid fire. "I also wish I hadn't gone off the deep end because of whatever we have, and whatever you'd like to keep separate." She sighed and looked back into the apartment, mostly trying to keep her face away from him as she could only frown at the scene. The pain was dulled again with the words coming back into play.

She reverted her position, face to face. Now came the time for confrontation of the words that brought her to confusion, a whirlwind of verbiage that seemed to cut her in every way possible.

As a halfblood, hearing whispers here and there were bound to come, however rare she found it to be. But to hear it from this man, especially... the man whom she kissed days later after she told him almost immediately what her heritage was... She needed to hear answers. This wasn't just a few quick kisses. She couldn't just leave it at that when he had her in a vulnerable position with romance.

"Is-Is that how you really think of me, Alfonz?" Shay didn't bother to clarify what 'that' was, but her sullen eyes told all.

[alfonztytusjedynak]

A slight pang from his chest wanted him to just turn and walk. Between her stab at his admittance to being rash, and the way she said it, he wanted to be done with her. But at the same time, he couldn't leave. It'd be the last time he saw her ever, and he knew that. It would be the last time he saw her smile, and brown eyes. It just would be the way it was supposed to be. Why then did it effect him in the way that it did? It was almost as if he actually felt pain from the thought of losing the....what was she to him? What was it that Alfonz really thought of Shay Loire?

She was a half blood, and with all of the reservations he had felt from it to begin with, he couldn't help himself from having the carnal and primal urges all men have. Could it have just been lust? Would there be a twinge or a dent in his pride if it had been? His brow furrowed as he filtered his hand through his hair. An emotion of hurt finally crossing Alfonz's face as well, which he quickly tried to hide.

With every kiss...with every touch, conversation, moment spent with her he had had his doubts. They had all come to the surface when she wanted into his life more than Alfonz was allowing leway for. If he were to commit she'd have to be in his life more than he would probably be able to stand....what was he supposed to do?

"I'm sorry...." was all he could muster to say.

[Shay M. Loire]

Two words was all he could drive out of himself. Two words. It might have been assumed that when one actually bothered to say something like those with muggle blood had everything handed to them, one might find other words to explain why exactly that came up.

Again she found herself gripping the knob of the door, unable to find the swing in her elbow to shut the door on him. As one who had cried and didn't want to deal with it, that would have sounded rather reasonable. Yet she had a defiant side to her, and it was not going to be ignored when she knew her name had been pretty much degraded.

"That's all you can say to me? Honestly, Alfonz?" She cleared her throat to find a way to sound normal and not like she was going to cry. But it was her temper rising despite her, the effort to defend her Muggle-blooded people causing a passion for her. She knew at least what was right and wrong, and when someone thought something else like that, there was no way she was moving away from it.

"I don't want to tell you this, Alfonz," she said to him a low voice, trying her hardest not to sound rash. He could interpret it as help or not. She was find not trying to change his ways-- she knew first hand it wouldn't work. However, she felt she had the right to call him on something that deeply offended her. "I really don't... but you're a bigot." She shook her head and lowered her eyes to the floor. "I was never expecting what you said." All of her words didn't sound like an attack on the man. It was a mere declaration of what she felt.

[alfonztytusjedynak]

The door never shut. Even after practically admitting the truth he could never say, the door remained open. Shay said her peace, and Alfonz stood there unknowing of what else to do. Even with as thin as his patience seemed to be lately, he didn't find himself losing his temper. A bigot? Maybe. But there was worse thing he could be. But still he said nothing. If he said anything at all, it would only cause Shay more pain he was not willing to put her through. He tried to change. The whole relationship proved that time and time again...the whole...whatever it was.

As she told him that she had never expected it, Alfonz just shook his head. It was involuntary, and it wasn't until after he had done it that he realized that he did. How could she have expected it? She didn't really know him or what he was going through. What he was preparing himself for...she didn't know him and shouldn't have expected anything from him. And she said it so sadly, it almost made Alfonz just turn away right then. He could have....wanted to....but as Shay looked on the floor he felt as if he had to say something....anything......


"....." opening his mouth nothing came.


........and all he could think to himself was that he too, never expected it to come to the surface, and out of his mouth.

[Shay M. Loire]

She looked up as he said nothing for that while. "Exactly," she fired off, her atitude sure to come from her fiery Latina nature. She was often mild mannered and good humored, but there were just times where there she had to find a way to justify herself and the situation-- at least her side.

Of course she wasn't expecitng Alfonz to be a fully benevolent man with upstanding virtues and morals. That was every mother's dream. Yet even on the first day she had seen that he wasn't necessarily that and yet she still pursued him. That said a lot, really. But when it came down to how he really thought and how it really conflicted with Shay's own opinion, she just couldn't understand it. The illusions were fading as he continued his silence.

"Was I some joke to you? Were you ever really sincere?" She continued with her line of questioning, although she was going to expect some more nothingness. The reason why she hadn't shut the door on his face was simple. She wanted answers. She wanted to know if she had honestly wasted her time.

[alfonztytusjedynak]

"Can't you see, that was the problem?" Alfonz snapped back at Loire. His heart was being torn in directions he had never felt before and the weakness he feared was only more pronounced. What was the true reason he had not wanted to get close to her? Was it truly because she was a half blood, or really because he was too afraid to get close to anyone after Brady's attack on him, using his sister. Sure, that had been after Shay and him met, but it was still a fear...even then as Alfonz stood at Shay's door and took what she gave him.

"I couldn't stand the fact...and still can't that I....I...." he couldn't say 'love'...that was too strong a word. "...that I care for you....that I became close to you....to anyone..." his tone was that of a growl as his eyes were storming something fierce looking right into hers. He was becoming more and more pissed with her throwing out her accusations that he had just used her. Sure, he was known for such things, but with her it had been different. Even if he didn't want to admit it to himself....but it had been different.

[Shay M. Loire]

Now she was speechless. Shay's face grew blank at this, as if this was a little unexpected. Maybe she did know deep down that he did care for her, because he had to have known that she felt just the same way. However-- was she expecting him to actually say it out right?

Shay dropped her hand from the door knob and just detached herself from the door frame completely. Instead, she was now just framed by it, looking like a morose picture with a hint of shock, a hint of confusion. Her eyes was less piercing in his gaze, but they were still ambivalent. She opened her mouth to try to utter something, but she was almost afraid to. It was now a fact-- a taunting fact-- to know that he still cared for her. And mixed in with the animosity she still had against him for berating her in public... she couldn't locate the right emotions to form into words. So she closed her mouth slowly, her expressions muted to something like trying to comprehend it all.

[alfonztytusjedynak]

Pride, dignity, gone. With her silence, came Alfonz's escape. There was no more he wished to say, not another word. He couldn't stand there and feel the way he did, and still lie to himself that he didn't feel guilty for feeling that way. He cared so much, it literally hurt. Alfonz watched Shay drop her hand from the door, and briefly glanced at her face once more before he turned, hoping she'd say nothing so that his escape was as painless for the both of them as possible. It was as if he couldn't live with her...but at the same time, he couldn't stand the thought of living without her either. He had become dependant in such a short time, and it disgusted him. How could he have become so weak? And still, he could only ask himself as to why Shay Loire, only to get no answer in response.

He briskly turned and started walking back toward his apartment. If Alfonz could just get back there and escape the situation, then he could pretend and tell himself that he'd never have to see her again. Even split second thoughts of leaving Wendelring entered his mind. Alfonz didn't look back, he tried to block out all just in case Shay said anything. He couldn't stand the way she made him feel. He had never once met someone that made him rethink as much of his life as she had, and Alfonz hated it. He was almost to his door when his pace slowed, but he still didn't look back...

[Shay M. Loire]

(Listening to "Babe I'm Gonna Leave You" by Led Zeppelin makes it so appropiate...)

Shay could see all of their moments draining from the moment he had his footsteps geared to the door. Her eyes danced to where his head moved, and her mouth twitched, yearning to tell him to stay. With all of the things she had wanted to tell him in the fury of her sobbings, it all came down to... nothing. Somehow she had been disabled of speech, be it English or even Spanish. The words had escaped her.

She felt her hand swing forward, as if ready to latch on, but she also felt another presence within herself. The presence of self restraint, of this prohibition. He was illegal in her mind. She didn't figure it out until now, when he had told her those things, and when he flipped back to the words she felt like she would be be stung by. And even if he did care for her, and if she cared just as much-- she was seeing the truth within all of this pain.

More misery would come and follow them.

The girl could not pursue the boy again. Instead, she was posted by where she was, unable to call out in anger, in sadness, in anything. The revelation was restrictive and it bound her senses. Slowly she would sink away from his image, his voice, his touch, his smell, his kisses... just as she did now. Sinking away into her apartment.

Why... was all she asked herself. Why...