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Post by Felicity Hjort on Sept 2, 2007 19:39:04 GMT -5
Really, that was the wrong question. Because in truth, it was probably easier to tell him what she did understand compared to what she didn't. Under the didn't subtitle, well...the list was seemingly neverending. But it was a nice, short, neat list of what she did understand.
Were there even words to explain what was going through her mind that didn't sound so harsh as they did where they were currently located? No, not really.
"Why is it difficult to kiss me?" she nearly spatted the word. It really was an absolutely horrid word to have been used. "Drew, you were the one who tried first, and I told you to stop, and now that I want you to do it, you say it's difficult? I don't understand that to begin with."
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Sept 2, 2007 20:00:55 GMT -5
Ah yes. When Drew went wrong, he tended to do it big. How could he not with a size thirteen shoe in his mouth?
If he hadn't been surprised by her previous reaction, this time he was, instinctively backing away as her anger came out.
"I didn't mean it like that!" he said quickly, knowing he had used that word, but only because he couldn't think of a better one. "It's not difficult to kiss you... it's actually really nice kissing you... excellent even... It just feels like... like you're trying too hard to do it. It makes me feel like... like I'm forcing you or something." He knew that wasn't quite it either, but it was closer.
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Sept 2, 2007 20:11:54 GMT -5
Yes, she had definitely done something wrong, now he was even moving away from her and she hadn't even yelled or made to hurt him. Wrapping her arms around her again, she just stood there, with her head lowered like a child who had just done something they knew they weren't supposed to do and was now waiting to hear their punishment for such a crime, and although they had confessed, it didn't lessen the matter that they did against what they knew was what they were supposed to do.
And how could one try too hard to kiss? Felicity didn't quite understand that bit either. And him forcing her? That definitely was not the case, she wanted him to do it. Had he even dared to try to force her, he would've been finding himself with a bruised eye, bloody, if not broken, nose, and a swollen lip to boot.
But it was still painfully clear she had been doing something wrong, if he felt as though he were forcing her to let him kiss her. "What did I do wrong?"
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Sept 2, 2007 21:04:06 GMT -5
"Nothing! You didn't do anything wrong!" Drew insisted, feeling like once again his explaination had just made things worse. But how did he get her to understand what he meant? Anything that he came up with just sounded worse, able to be taken in a totally different way than he would intend it.
But she looked sad that he couldn't help but put his arms back around her. The littel spat of anger seemed to be gone, so it should be safe.
"It's not you. I'm the one doing something wrong," he said, finally coming to the conclusion that it had been him all along. "What do you want me to do?"
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Sept 2, 2007 22:00:25 GMT -5
Of course she didn't believe him. He had just told her it was difficult to kiss her, he had just dropped his arms from around her and backed away, and he had just said it felt as though he were forcing her to let him kiss her in the way she wanted him to.
Shaking her head at him, she didn't understand. He hadn't done anything wrong in her opinion, she liked what he had done, enjoyed what he'd done. "No," she told him. "You didn't do anything wrong. I wanted you to do that." It was the truth, she wanted him to kiss her like that, but she couldn't understand why he found it difficult to.
"I want you to tell me why it's difficult to kiss me," she tried to plead with him. That's what he had said, he must have meant that. "I want you to tell me what I did wrong that made you stop."
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Sept 2, 2007 23:01:55 GMT -5
"I told you! That's not what I meant!" he tried again, nearly pleading himself. He didn't find kissing her difficult at all. He just didn't want her to have to try so hard to relax and enjoy it. She shouldn't have to, should she? Didn't that mean that she wasn't ready? "I just don't know what you want me to do. I'm trying to go slow, but you still get all tense. I don't know what you need me to do. I just thought if we waited a little... maybe it would be better.... like at the light show or something..." If she was thinking about lights she wouldn't be thinking about what he was doing, right? Of course, now that sounded like he was tricking her into a snog. He didn't like that either.
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Sept 2, 2007 23:20:39 GMT -5
It still didn't make sense to her, why he would say it was difficult and then tell her it wasn't what he meant. If that wasn't what he meant, he shouldn't have said difficult, right? Shouldn't he have used another word, or term or something that was what he meant?
Felicity couldn't deny that he was going slow, because he was, almost painfully so. And it made it easier on her mind, because she felt that if he went at a slow pace, she could ease into it more, let her mind agree with it before panicking when it was what she wanted. It was also true that she was tensing, but she didn't know how to stop that, she was trying to stop it and it didn't really seem to be working all that well, but when she had begun to relax, just that tiniest bit, he'd pulled away and it had confused her.
All she needed him to do was what he was doing without confusing her anymore. Pulling away wasn't a good thing, even she knew that, it meant something was wrong. And he had pulled away, three times, and after the third time he told her it was difficult to kiss her. How would anyone react to that?
"Drew, I just want you to kiss me. I want you to be all right with it, because I am. I don't want you to keep confusing me like this," really, it couldn't be that hard to comply with or understand, right? "And I want to understand. If you didn't mean difficult, then why did you say it? And if you wanted to wait, why didn't you just tell me that instead of telling me it was difficult to kiss me?"
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Sept 2, 2007 23:29:12 GMT -5
Drew shook his head, confused himself. He hadn't said any of that and if he had, it sure hadn't been close to anything he meant. Yes, he had used the word difficult, but he hadn't meant it was difficult kissing her.
"I want you to be all right with it because I am," Drew insisted. He had been all right with it for weeks now and had only held off because she wasn't. How could that be confusing? What was confusing was saying you wanted it and then tensing up every time. "I don't want to wait...unless that's what you want to do. I just don't know what to think when you say yes but then get all tense when I try. That's what's difficult... not the kissing."
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Sept 3, 2007 0:00:13 GMT -5
"I am all right with it Drew, I want you to do that," she told him, stressing it. It had already been said that she wanted him to, but he just didn't seem to understand that and she had no idea how else to tell him. Of course, she could've done what some girls in movies did and showed him, but she didn't like that idea of that. "But I don't want to wait, I really don't."
There was still the problem of her back tensing, but she didn't know what to do about that. How was she supposed to stop it from happening? The Gryffindor knew he wouldn't intentionally hurt her, she knew she could trust him, but she didn't know how to stop the tension in her muscles from appearing. "I'm sorry that I keep tensing, I don't know why I do. But when I thought it was going to stop, you stopped."
And that was true. When she finally thought she'd figured it out just a little bit, he stopped kissing her neck and opted to stop the whole thing, and she didn't understand that. At first, she thought maybe she was supposed to be like that and he had stopped because she wasn't, but that just didn't sound or feel right. What felt right was when he had his arms around her and she was relaxed. Felicity was very comfortable with the Eagle, but she didn't understand it herself, and it was she doing it.
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Sept 3, 2007 0:11:24 GMT -5
"I stopped because you got all tense," Drew said, confused by the whole thing as well. "When you got tense like that, I thought you didn't like it so I tried going slower and when you still tensed up, I stopped. I don't want you to be uncomfortable and it just feels like you are when you do that." It sounded like it was one of those vicious cycles and now the question was could they break through it?
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Sept 3, 2007 0:23:40 GMT -5
"I wasn't though," she slightly pouted. It hadn't been uncomfortable at all, other than the tension in her back, that'd been a little uncomfortable, but not what he'd been doing. "I liked what you were doing, I really, really liked it. The only thing that was uncomfortable for me was my back, and that wasn't because of you."
In fact, she didn't know what it was because of, but she was pretty sure it wasn't him. For whatever reason, she just tensed when he kissed her like that, it'd happened the first time, the second time, and just then too.
"Drew, I don't know what to tell you," she explained, resting her forehead against his chest. "But I didn't find it uncomfortable, and if I did, I would've told you it was. I know I can tell you no, and I know you would stop if I didn't like something, but I promise, I really loved that."
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Sept 3, 2007 0:31:58 GMT -5
"If it's not me, then what is it?" he asked, finding the confusion was only growing. "I mean, it's got to be something. People don't just tense up for no reason. What am I supposed to think when you're fine and then you get like that when I try and kiss you?" The logical conclusion was it was him causing the tension. He knew it wasn't him in general or even his kissing in general. It was that specific area. Something was bugging her, even if it was subconsiously, and the only thing he could conclude was she wasn't ready to go there yet, despite what she was saying.
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Sept 3, 2007 0:43:22 GMT -5
"I don't know what it is!" she said frustrated with the whole thing. She wanted him to kiss her, she liked him kissing her, but she was beginning to think that maybe he just didn't want to kiss her. Perhaps that was why he was refusing to believe her. That's exactly how she felt, as though he wasn't believing anything she said. But she didn't know what to tell him, she didn't know why it kept doing that, she didn't know what the reason for it was. All she did know was that she wanted him to kiss her, and that he was confusing her and frustrating her.
And that they were going to miss the light show if it wasn't either solved or dropped. "But I do know that I was just starting to feel it go away and you stopped kissing me. So, I don't know what to tell you."
Pulling away from him, she hung her head again, still frustrated by how he just didn't seem to believe her, or want to. "Let's just go watch the light show." She knew nothing was going to be solved that way, but she also knew she'd ruined the rest of night by stopping him to kiss in the small alley to the festival.
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Sept 3, 2007 0:54:03 GMT -5
"You're mad at me," he stated, thinking that he really didn't want to go see the light show anymore. Not if it meant she was going to be upset with him through the whole thing. What fun would that be?
He was frustrated too. She couldn't give him a reason for tensing up so he could only come to one logical conclusion. And the more that they argued it, the more he felt like it had become less of a spontainous pleasure to enjoy and more of an obsticle that needed to be overcome. That wasn't much fun either.
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Sept 3, 2007 1:04:45 GMT -5
"No, I'm not," she replied softly, looking up to catch his eye. "I just don't know what to tell you and I feel like you don't believe me. Drew, I really want you to kiss me like that, I do, but I can't tell you why I feel like that when you try to and when I thought about it, telling myself not to do that, it just made it worse. And then I started to think about other stuff, and it felt better, and then you stopped kissing me."
That's all she could really tell him. Felicity didn't understand it, and when she'd felt a little better about it, he stopped what he was doing and then this started. She absolutely hated arguing with him, but it just seemed to happen more often than not.
"I'm sorry, I really am," she told him as she reached out for his hand. It wasn't something she really seemed to have control over, and she didn't like that at all. Placing his hand on her hip, she nestled closer into him, just wanting him to believe her.
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