Hurts the Most;;

[Celina Jedynak]

It seemed the seventh year would never end. Only a few months in, so much had gone on, and yet it hadn't. Celina wasn't afraid of the NEWTs as much as she had been when she was about to take the OWLs, of course there was so much to look forward to back then. Though Celina had no idea what was in store for her future, she really had nothing going for her right then either. A calm voice tried to speak to her in the back of her mind, and yet she ignored it. She was tired of having something trying to tell her how to act... insisting she was acting wrong by being the way she was being.

Granted, freaking out and almost burning the forbidden forest down with a fellow Raven in one of the trees she was burning was a bit extreme, but Celina had regained her posture and her poise and knew better than to have such irrational behaviors. Opening her eyes, she found herself to be on a familiar field, wishing so dearly for the comfort of her brother's arms around her. Didn't she know better? Celina often wondered to herself, unaware of why she would act one way, and then completely different another day. The voice in the back of her mind would say something, but she'd shake it away. Celina Jedynak wasn't about to listen to voices in her head who thought they knew better than she did.

Her father had trained her well that previous summer... he'd taught her right from wrong, what she was supposed to do and what she wasn't. So then why did she always feel trapped? If this was who she was supposed to be, why did her restlessness bother her so much? Where were her outlets?

Walking over to the middle of the field she took out two small objects from her pocket and looked hard at them. The first object was a chair. Just a simple chair she'd taken from one of the empty classrooms. It wasn't as if anyone was using it, nor did she plan on keeping it. Celina knew though that no matter where she'd end up, she'd want to sit down for the performance she was planning.

The other object, a small golden harp. Enough was thought of about that, and even said here. Within minutes both objects were enlarged and she was sitting with the harp in between her legs. And yet, she didn't move. It was as if the object before her was foreign. Brows furrowed upon her forehead, Celina could feel her chest beginning to tighten slightly, her breath shortening. Lifting her hands, they shook.... what's wrong with me? Celina asked.

You're not me, you don't know how to play. A small voice from behind answered.

((OPEN))

[Deaf Crevice]

Deaf was prone to wander, it was in his nature. Even if he did not want to be alone with himself he often found himself doing just that. Going on long walks where he was away from everybody and could be consumed by his thoughts. Certainly most of them were good but occasionally a bad one would creep in and it would take him with such force he’d have to stop. So he was afraid of his thoughts, afraid that they could turn on him at any moment yet it was in his soul to just walk about. It was on such a wander during which he was reliving some pleasant memories of the jungles of South America when he suddenly found himself on the Quidditch Pitch. He probably would have went right on through or perhaps found a place in the stands to sit down, but the unusually sight that greeted his eyes shocked him out of memories.

“Why hello,” He murmured under his breath, watching her from half a field away. He approached slowly, not wanting to scare her. He was pretty sure he was just out of her vision but if she were to turn her head even slightly he would enter her peripheral gaze. As he drew closer his curiosity grew stronger, she was sitting with a harp but not playing it. Who was she waiting for? He wondered. He stopped when he was about five feet from her and examined her again. He considered speaking, but she seemed very focused and he didn’t want to disturb her. He briefly wondered if she was asleep, after all he did stuff like this all the time in his sleep and half the time you wouldn’t know that he was out of it. Then it struck him that he could be asleep and this could be a dream. But then he did a quick reality check, counting his fingers, checking his watch three times, digging his nails into his palm, and quickly excluded that possibility. Since this involved a great deal of self-awareness he also noticed to his slight surprised he had changed out of his robes and into jeans with a hole in one knee and wearing away at the bottom and a blue t-shirt. When had he done that? After classes got out, but when after classes got out? He really did need to pay more attention to things.

But never mind his wardrobe, he had more important things to worry about, like this girl. Or young woman, he should say. He had seen her around the common room a few times, he could not recall her name at the present time but he did remember she was a seventh year from his own house. That only peeked his interest as he circled around her twice. Quite oblivious to if she had noticed him now or not, and then sat down on the grass in front of her about two meters away. He watched her for a long moment then prompted, “Well go on, play something then.”

[Celina Jedynak]

At first, Celina was alone. It was better that way, because who knew what she would do if she wasn’t alone. But as she stared at her hands, she had no idea that another was slowly approaching her. Not knowing her own instrument was incredibly distressing, and while in her thoughts movement caught her eye. Another was with her, and the color, or what color was left in the Raven’s face drained completely.

Looking up, a small boy she’d recognized from her house was circling her. He seemed to be very interested in why she was just sitting there, and as much as Celina wished she could say something to him, she didn’t. Watching him was the best for her at that moment, and what he was doing started to scare her a bit more. It was obvious when he sat and spoke, however, that what Celina feared was coming about. The young man wanted her to play and Celina hands began to quake even more.

Questions of how kept going through her mind, and after a few moments she let out an enormous sigh. She’d stopped breathing. It commonly happened when she became nervous, afraid of the inevitable and so on. It always had. Since she was a child, Celina found that holding her breath was sometimes the only way to be hidden. Now, more than a child, she just did it out of habit. Put your hands on the harp! something yelled in her mind, and mindlessly she followed the orders.

Clearing her throat, as if she needed to in order to play the instrument, her hands found the proper places and began to play. Celina didn’t feel like she was actually performing the act herself, and truth be told, she was not. Or at least, it wasn’t the woman sitting in front of the boy that was playing, but the actual woman inside that actually knew what she was doing that was. As confusing as it was for Celina, she didn’t mind it and her eyes shut as she allowed the slow and beautiful melody fill the air. She recognized it… but from where was a question that she kept answering only to get one answer… ‘Connor’.

The music brought her back to a memory that she could remember, but it was as if she was looking on at another girl playing the harp. Where am I? she asked, with no one answering. Another became apparent in the scene, as did the scenery itself. On a rock the girl sat, the lake shinning so beautifully, a boy with dark hair sat before her to listen, and the girl didn’t notice until after she’d ended her tune.

Opening her eyes, Celina popped up startled from the instrument. “Woah…” Celina whispered and then looked at the boy before her. She sheepishly smiled and shrugged. “I’m not that good…” she bashfully said.

[Deaf Crevice]

He studied her with silent interest for a few moments, thinking that perhaps he should prompt her again. It struck him that she might be shy, which was why she had chosen this lonely place to play, and perhaps she wanted to be alone. But music was meant to be heard and he had never heard a harp being played before so bugger her shyness, he stayed. And then she started to play again, she was quite good. When he had first approached she had been playing fine as well, but now there was something else to added to the music. What was it? Joy? Sorrow? Longing? Whatever it was didn’t matter because it was passion.

He had seen her before in the common room throughout the year, but never had she looked quite like she did when she started playing the Harp a second time. But then the song ended and she bolted up out of her chair, startling him a little. But she was not angry at him nor was she about to take a bow, she just smiled and told him she wasn’t that good.

“Bollox,” He said and smiled encouragingly back, “It was great.” Actually he had never heard a Harp before and had nothing to compare it to so she might have sucked by those standards, but he had enjoyed. He wanted to ask her where had went when she had been playing but felt it might be a bit to personal a question to start the conversation off with. As he spoke he felt around in his pockets and patted down his chest as well, looking for something. He may not have been aware when he had gotten dressed, but he never would have done-so without taking some supplies with him. However he found nothing useful for what he wanted to say, so he didn’t say it because he thought it would sound lame without an added effect. Maybe later. He closed his mouth, which he had opened to speak and just looked at her for a moment.

“Where did you learn to play? Will you play me another?” He asked, eagerly leaning forward and grinning broadly at her.

[Celina Jedynak]

Celina sat back down in the chair, not even realizing that she'd gotten up to begin with. Her mind slipped from her often anymore and frankly, it didn't surprise her that she was standing as much it surprised her that the boy had actually enjoyed the music. She hadn't known what she even did, or how she even managed to play so well. It was quite striking, but at the same time, she felt as if it were another presence playing instead of her. The voice in the back of her mind just sighed, and finally, she felt content in her own skin. Everything was a peace, at least for the moment.

Celina smiled sheepishly, thinking about the moments of play that she hardly remembered and shrugged again. Looking at the boy, it seemed he was searching for something. She'd had known his name at one time, but as she thought of it now, she couldn't remember. Since the last summer, it was a miracle she found if she remembered most from her past that didn't involve just her immediate contacts... or rather, friends. Even her schooling seemed a bit far from her, though she still seemed to get the grades that proved that somewhere in her head she knew what she was doing.

"What are you looking for?" Celina asked quietly.

The young Raven's mouth opened and spoke about where she'd learned and if she'd play another. Celina's heart began to race, unsure if she could actually play another song. There had been something about that song that was special, though Celina was really unsure of exactly what it was. "Umm..." she began, turning her eyes that had drifted to her harp at that point back to the boy sitting before her. "My father started having me take lessons when I was four." Celina smiled again, looking around the field and then exhaled a deep breath before she nodded. Another song would come, she could only hope.

Placing her hands just right, she began to pluck some of the strings and before she knew it, another song did come. Again, the feeling of not being who she was came back, but this time, the presence felt more familiar. Someone giggled and sighed, and Celina couldn't help but finally smile genuinely and widely. A tear welled up in her eye and as she played faster, and faster, the tune happy and melodic, the tear traveled down the side of her cheek. In her mind, Celina could see Alfonz smiling and shaking his head as she remembered this tune. He'd once told her that harp was only for slow music to put one to sleep...

...she had disagreed.

[Deaf Crevice]

"Bit of magic," He answered offhandedly in response to what he was looking for. He smiled encouragingly at her as she started to play again. He rather enjoyed the song. As he listened his hands deftly began to pull up grass and weave a small star. Soon he has six stars about the size of his palm. He stowed them out of sight behind his legs and leaned back to watch her finish the song.

He had never been one to play an instrument himself. When he was nine he had learned to play the djembe, but since he had did not own one of his own when they moved away that ended his musical career. He had not tried to play since and doubted he would remember much of it. Despite his lack of musical talent he still enjoyed listening to Celina play.

He thought the harp sounded very lonely, even when it was not playing a slow song. It needed a whole accompaniment of instruments, he decided. Since he was not able to conjure up an orchestra he simply imagined it and soon he was quite enjoying the song.

When she had finished he flicked his wand and the six little grass stars rose into the air and with another flick caught fire. “I’d give it fi…er, six stars.” He grinned as the fire began to singe the grass. In a minute they had burned to a crisp and floated back to the ground. “Very talented.”