I Can't Believe It's Not....But Her?

[viola]

She had left the staff lounge nights before in utter shock and almost horror. It had been 16 years? Something like that, and Annemarie couldn’t believe what was happening now. So long after…it was almost as if God was yet again taunting her. Was this the reason she was supposed to come back to Hogwarts? To be face to face with…

Annemarie shook all of her thoughts out of her head as she inhaled the aroma from the calming tea Desideria had suggested and made for her to ease her nerves. Of all the things that could happen…why this? Annemarie wished her mind would clear, for there were things that needed to be done. Things that needed to happen…and yet, hadn’t there been signs of something like this happening? When she had spoke to Desideria during the staff meeting about the two young lovebirds quarrels among the staff…the reason she was in need of purpose…the very face she left the nunnery?

Getting up from her desk, Annemarie traveled over to a window that was located in her office and looked out it gazing at the cloudy day and the rain that was sure to fall from the grayish clouds. Her tea in her one hand her tea mug in which she took a sip from and gulped lightly.

As always, the door to her office was open for those wandering souls who may find themselves lost (for what other reason did they really go and see Professor van Aller), or for any other person whom came in and needed something of her. She doubted anyone would come in, for how many times had her door been open before? But as she looked out the window, she looked for faith, guidance, and a teacher…closing her eyes…she heard a ruffled sound from behind.

(Permission given to gmod Desideria Tapia)

[Alexander Griffiths]

He left to travel and learn and he left her, and now...Was this the reason he was back at Hogwarts? was this the very reason? Alexander didn't know, but he does know that it was...shocking and confusing. He paced the 2nd floor corridor, debating whether he should go talk to her or not. I have to do this he thought, with a large intake of breath Alexander walked to where the muggle studies office was.

Alex saw the door open and he went in. There was Annemarie, looking out the window. "Annemarie..." he started, but he couldn't find the words to continue it. Alexander hadn't seen her in what? 16 years? this was very new. Alexander didn't walk in farther, he just stayed there near the door. He didn't know what to do right now, he just stood there and stared at her.

[viola]

Behind her a voice called out to her and it was as if her past was coming back to haunt her. She closed her eyes and instantly images of those she used to associate with fluttered in and out of focus in her mind. It was a good few minutes before she was able to gain enough courage to turn to see if what she was seeing was real. How could she have not realized that Alexander was…Xander?

A man stood at her door, new to the staff of Hogwarts, but not new to the Slytherin Head of House’s life. Children they had been…foolish children. A Slytherin and a Ravenclaw… God was such a tease for her at this moment and Annemarie could only question both Him and her faith. There had been so much that had gone on, and now this?

“Please, Professor Griffiths,” she addressed him the only way she could feel comfortable doing so. As they were before peers, they then too were peers. “Is there something I can do for you this day?” she asked him walking back over to wear her desk was. What was it that she could do…for a colleague.

[Alexander Griffiths]

Alex took out the glass frame from his pocket and walked over to her table, "I think you need to see this, Anne" he said. Alex had used the name he had once called her, he didn't know if she still kept the ring and the necklace. He was so stupid...how come he never saw this. He wanted to forget, yet fate braught him back to see the girl of his past. The girl he onced loved, now a woman he would be working with.

The glass frame that symbolized his love for a slytherin, once with him and he had left for his studies. He was so stupid to do that, now it was hitting him back, more than ever. "You can help me remember and tell me about this and if you still have it" he said, meanign if she still has the necklace and the ring. Can they just stop pretending like they don't know eachother? he was sure that she still remembers him.

[viola]

His pet name for her hit a nerve and she glared at him something fierce. It was in the past. All of that foolishness and craziness was left long ago back when she had waited for anyone but her parents to pick her up at Kings Cross…when she had waited for him to keep a promise about them being together once again. It was sickening to the older woman. Why was it that then of all times, when faith and her job, which she treasured most were at their toughest that he had to come?

She looked away from what he wanted to show her, knowing exactly what it was but not wanting to see it. Annemarie busied herself with work that was on her desk, trying to find anything at all to keep her mind away from him…and her eyes away from his. “I’m sure I have no clue of what you could be speaking about, Professor,” she said, again unwilling to open up to him or anyone else for that matter. If he thought he could just come back into her life and sweep her off her feet...

She looked at her calendar and then back at him. Nope. Nothing in there said anything about how that week she was going to be ravaged off her feet by an old flame…a blue bird with no sense of promise left within him. Annemarie shrugged. This was becoming more teenage like by the moment.

[Alexander Griffiths]

"Like I promised before I would come back, I am back aren't I? What else do you want to shove in my face Annemarie?" he asked. Having a short patience wasn't good, especially now. He had been distracted all those years and he didn't think that she'd wait, especially after him leaving hogwarts and everything there.

Alex then pocketed the glass frame again, "If you didn't want me to return, then alright....Yeah, I didn't return when we were still teenagers. I did return now" he said. Alex walked over to the door and added "But I really wanted to come back, I just don't know how to take it after leaving Hogwarts" he then walked out of the door. He didn't leave though, he just stayed there in the corridor. He felt stupid, he felt like when he was just leaving hogwarts. The pain and mixed emotions were back...

[viola]

He was impossible; just as he had been when he was a teen, there he stood being just as disrespectful towards her as any of the other staff and student she had met on campus. Only rarely did she meet anyone who treated her as if she were a person, and then Griffiths comes back into her life, thinking she’d fall in line and everything would go back to the way it was? Instantly her temper began to rise and she rubbed her eyes with he pointer and thumb of her right hand.

Alexander…Xander…walked out and left the office. What was Annemarie supposed to do? Chase after him? Why? His promise had been kept, but only because of default. If neither one of them was there at that time it would not have been kept, and for him to still love her after fifteen/sixteen years…whatever it was…that was preposterous. She was a grown woman who had taken care of herself…who was he to come back and ruin it all?!

Annemarie had been seventeen when he left to go off and find himself among the world…Alexander was a year ahead of her in school…he left, promising to come back. He never did. Annemarie had waited for him…even wearing the ring and necklace he had given her for two straight years after he left….he never returned. The ring came off, and Annemarie moved on.

But as she sat at her desk, she prayed to the Almighty God asking him for strength and guidance. What did she do with this? Did she go back to…no, she couldn’t. And yet, what if this was kind of second chance? Her purpose for coming to a place that loathed her… to find someone who actually cared…whom actually wanted to see her and she was yet again, pushing away?

Walking out of the doorway of her office, she didn’t look at him but saw him out of the corner of her eye. “I have something…” she hesitated. “…for you.”

[Alexander Griffiths]

Alex was just outside the door, leaning on the wall next to the door frame. He sighed, what was the purpose of returning when your being pushed away? Alex didn't really know, all he knew is that he's returned and just that. Return to be pushed away, "I'm just stupid to think she'd still expect me back" he muttered. Alex looked at the opposite wall and messed up his hair with his hand and the other clutching the glass frame.

Alex turned to Annemarie when she exited her office and told him something, "What is it?" he asked, looking down on the ground. He really didn't want to know, he was sure that she'd just return the ring and the necklace and he didn't want it back. He'd just refuse and run back to his office and just stay there and try to distract himself.

[viola]

Annemarie slowly turned her head so that she could see the thirty three year old man leaning up against her doorframe as if he were a beaten puppy. Had nothing substantial happened in his life that didn’t take his mind off of her? Or had he always been this pathetic? Her eyes somewhat narrowed, as she couldn’t believe how youthful he was acting.

“Don’t give me that, Xander,” she said, unknowingly calling him by the name she knew him best by. “You’re acting as if you’re a small child. Have you not grown or matured at all? Do you really see anything like a fairy tale around here?” Her arms flared out, gesturing the hallways and she looked around. The stonewalls were dingy and cold, some of them were wet with condensation and the floors were just as depleted from life. They were not only professors, but also they were enlighteners for the children. They weren’t themselves the students any longer.

She too leaned against the doorframe, but with her back towards the opposite side so that she could face him. Annemarie looked up, fearing that the frustration that she felt would not turn into tears, for if one thing hadn’t changed, it was how much she wore her emotions on her sleeves. “Xander,” she whispered. “I’ve been fighting since I got here…” Annemarie paused remembering the potatoes to the head from Chadwick, Jedynak’s insults and favors, and the multiple disrespectful acts and name callings she had dealt with. “Please…don’t make me fight with you, too.”

[Alexander Griffiths]

"I'm not, you should know better than that Anne. I'm acting like myself and... I'm acting like a historian who just had his greatest discovery snatched away from his hands" he said, still looking at the opposite wall. Yes, they were professors, but it doesn't mean that they can't show their emotions freely. "I have... or else I wouldn't be back at the place where all the memories are and facing my own nightmares. Don't lecture me about growing up and maturing, because your just the same old you" he said, looking at her.

Alex was good at hiding his emotions, but they had to come out one way or another. This was one of the other ways of it. "Your only fight is here at Hogwarts, my fight is a race against every famous historian in the world. I still am a historian, but I gladly backed out of the race for the hopes of teaching and remembering" he said. Alex then sighed and sat down on the cold stone floor, "I've been critisized by the whole world for my discoveries and defeated more than once, my researches turning to nothing and my hopes and dreams come crashing down on me. I know how it feels...and I don't want to fight you too" he said, looking up at her. I know how to feel and I'm not a child anymore he thought.

[viola]

Exactly. He was acting like the seventeen year old, wide-eyed boy that had been so excited about leaving Hogwarts and exploring the world. He was acting as if the past fifteen years he had done nothing but put everything of what he was on hold just so that he could learn and experience. Typical Ravenclaw in Annemarie’s opinion and she shook her head. “Are you really referring to me as a or comparing me to a discovery?” Annemarie laughed, but it was out of disbelief. She didn’t know whether or not to be angry or just plain dumbfounded.

Shaking her head she let out a mocked astonished sound. It was one of shock and disgust all at the same time. She was the same person?! Absolutely not. “Just as much a I wish I was a naive seventeen year old snake again, I’m not. I’ve learned a few things…however, you’re right. You’re exactly right, Xander. Same old same old for you. Fifteen years did nothing to change you…” she glared as she tried her hardest not to fight or argue with him. He was now her colleague and she had to be respectful, but he was making it so… hard.

And then he compared himself with her, and whose fights were worse. How childish…and again Annemarie found her shaking her head, filtering one hand through her thick locks of brown hair. She was becoming more and more angry by the second. Who was he to compare his own struggles with hers? He hadn’t been there! “You have no right to compare your life to mine, or tell me where my fights are, because they are much more than just Hogwarts. They always were. You just couldn’t ever see the bigger picture I was playing in.” Again, she tried to keep her attitude in check, but it was faltering and her eye began to twitch slightly from her annoyance.

Alexander sunk to the ground and instinctively Annemarie looked around the hall for any of the students or the other professors. What was he doing?! Drawing attention to them! “Xander…get off the ground. Now.” She said to him sternly, crossing her arms over her chest. “Let’s talk about this inside…” she paused. “Please. I don’t want anyone seeing us.”

[Alexander Griffiths]

Alexander stood up but didn't go anywhere "I'm not the only one that didn't change much. For a professor, your not really as well liked as before. You think I'm childish? I've seen things you wouldn't even dream of seeing. I've been to places not even you can describe, and don't tell me I'm acting like a child professor. I am not a child, I'm a professor, I'm your colleague and I don't need someone ruining my night" he said, looking at her with a blank expression and then turning his back to her and started walking away from her. "Again, I will be leaving you. I'll just be another professor then, goodnight professor Van Aller" he said...

[viola]

Oh, he infuriated her to no end!! And yet, a small part of her was seeing whatever he was, whether it was a sign or a purpose or anything walking down the hallway, mad as ever and obviously crushed. Annemarie didn’t smile, she didn’t smirk, and above all else, she didn’t take joy in watching someone that used to be close to her walk away. Yes, it had been a long time, but she didn’t need any more enemies among the staff, nor did she have the patience for it.

“I wasn’t even well liked before. I don’t know how you can say that,” she called out to him as he walked further away from her. She didn’t want to remember the past she had tried to forget it. Annemarie had tried to wash her hands of it all, and yet there it was, slapping her in the face, and hard. “And ruining your night?” she continued to speak, trying to make him turn around to face her but at the same time trying to push him away further. Her mind and heart raged against her. Knowing what was right was easy, but feeling as if it was wrong was what was upsetting her the most.

Again, I will be leaving you…

Xander’s words echoed in her head and Annemarie could see herself as plain as if the event had happened the day before. She must have waited for hours at King’s Cross…sitting on her trunk. She had sent him an owl telling him that she’d be there for him…had he even gotten it? The young eighteen year old witch, nothing planned for the rest of her life, sitting on a trunk with tears streaming down her face. In her hand, a blue sapphire ring….around her neck, a blue sapphire pendent of a wing….a blue wing.

Annemarie crossed her arms over tightened and she inhaled a short breath of air. A sob? No, for tears were not falling down the older woman’s face but it was as if something had stabbed her in her heart. “Leaving me?” she called out, hoping he could still hear her, but she turned to walk back into her office. “You never came back for me.” With that she entered her office…letting the door slowly start to shut behind her.

[Alexander Griffiths]

You never came back for me

He was far enough, but he heard it. He ignored her other words, but that hit him. He stopped and looked at Annemarie, only he saw her enter the door and close it. He waited for her, didn't he? He waited outside the barrier and she wasn't even there. How could she say that he never came back!? This was all so confusing, Alex started to walk back to Annemarie's office.

I waited for her, she never showed up. She didn't even tell me anything he thought as he walked. He kept the glass frame that she gave him, he never forgot about her. I waited there for hours, until the last student and guardians were gone, she didn't show up. Alex reached her door and opened it, atleast it wasn't locked. He then looked inside and asked "What are you talking about?" he was so confused, "I waited for you and you never showed up."

[viola]

And then he lets himself in…

Annemarie was annoyed, especially after everything. And then there was not even a knock for her? It figured. Annemarie didn’t even turn from the window that she now stood at. She didn’t want to see him, didn’t want to see the young man that she had once had some kind of fling with. Whom she had claimed to love, and he had in return. Such foolish teens they were…believing that they could have been in love at such a young age. Fairy tales…that’s all it was.

“You weren’t there.” Plainly stated. Xander wasn’t where she had sat for hours just holding on to the last bit of glimmer of hope she had to what she thought was a future. “I told you I’d be outside of the station. Sitting in a very specific spot. You never came back. And now here you are,” she turned and stared at him coldly. “Who’s ruining whose night?”