Sunday Wanderings

[fauna]

It was a wonderful Sunday evening, and Fauna had decided to do a little wandering before time dinner time arrived. It had been years since she was last at Hogwarts and like many of the students; she wanted to see all it had to offer. She wanted to wander the hallways, lost and confused. She wanted to go head out by the lake and read a book or write something like a letter to her family. She did not want to be young again. She had her fair share of youth, and though her days could have been better, they were hers and hers alone. She would not give up her life experience for anything, but yet that did not mean she didn't want to have fun. Being lost, in her opinion, was always fun. You learned new secret ways to get about and you saw things that you ever even knew existed until you stepped foot into one room or another. Fauna had gotten lost her third week back at the school. She had been trying to find the kitchen in the dungeons and remembered she had to sneeze on some portrait or other. It could have been the portrait of a pig wearing a dress. Or the one with the guy and the hat. Or maybe she had done the wrong thing? Was she supposed to cough five times and then spin?

At any rate, she hadn't found them and went back up to her room without anything extra to eat that night. It was all for the best she supposed. Her husband wanted her to eat less, and eat healthier. So she would, though she didn't know how far she would get without him being there to pester her about eating an apple over an apple pie. Or eating a banana over a banana split. Well thank goodness that Hogwarts served whatever and anything to their students! The crazy haired teacher would eat all she could before the plates cleared up.

Fauna was at the current, sort of lost, but not really. She had initially been lost on her way to her office, but now she was no longer. Her destination had changed. She had recalled there being a room full of armor here on this particular floor, if she was on the right floor that was. After traveling through several hallways, some of them twice, she ended up in a room that had a row of shiny metal armor on one side, and another on the opposite side. Some of the suits of armor carried swords in their hands. Others had maces, and then there were some with sheathed swords. One had chain mail on, and another had a feather atop its head. It really was magnificent, this room. Though at the moment she was the only one in here so her footsteps echoed as she walked. She could hear the tiniest step. Even those of the ones that resounded as she stopped in front of a tall suit of armor with nothing in his hands, but his chain mail shone brilliantly. Who was that coming her way? A wandering suit of armor returning for the evening? Or perhaps something else not so clanky?

((Jax))

[jacquelynchaput]

A knight was a man that had a metal armor. Behind the armor, he could hide himself. Unknowing to the world who actually stood behind the metal coating. A facade that protected them from outside influences and outside pains and sufferings. They could hide anything, and with the amount of pressure Jax was under lately, she just decided she needed a suit all to herself. One she could quietly slip into and just stand or sit in and hide. No one would find her there, and it would be safe. Safe from herself, telling the world of a secret she could almost no longer hide. Why lately was it becoming so hard for her to keep it within herself? Was it because she finally felt safe with the people with whom she lived with and corresponded with?

It was to soon to tell, and she kept trying to tell herself that. But inside the secret ate away at herself, and ate away as she tried to live life. She frowned a bit, walking with her head down toward the Armour Gallery. The plan? To go and find a willing piece of armour to allow her to hide within it. To become one with it and see life from the perspective of being so far hidden away, it'd be hard for anyone to notice her. that was the plan. To hide more away. To submerge the feelings of whatever was happening to her.

Her footsteps echoed in the empty hall. Or, the hall she thought was empty. As she entered the armoury she finally looked up to see where she was going only to notice that of an older woman. Jax stopped in her tracks, eyes wide in shock that someone was actually there. "Oops...sorry! I didn't know anyone would be here...I'll....I'll just leave," Jax stuttered. Watching as a piece of armour move, her eyes lingered for a few moments on the knight that she so wished to hide in. Why did someone have to be in there at that time? Why?

[fauna]

"It's okay deary. The last I checked more than one person could occupy a room at a time," she said with one of her smiles as she watched the girl watch the suit of armor. Fauna could not help but look at them all herself. They really were precious things. There was something inside those statue like figures that held so much power. There was the life story of the former wearer; there were the countless battles that they survived. There was even history in the metal material itself. How it came to be and how it was formed. How one hot stream of liquid slowly cooled and hardened to become a shiny metal surface that she could look at herself in. A shiny metal surface that served to protect...and to hide. While the armor had protected so many people, it also hid the same people. It hid them from the dangers of the world and buried them deep within the suit, keeping them as safe as possible. It reminded her of a turtle actually. Of how the turtle carried it's armor with it everyday so as to hide from whatever the world threw at it. From rain to wild predators.

Fauna sighed and she turned towards one of the pieces of armor that snapped it's head to face the other way. Fauna smiled and then went over to where the girl stood. Jacqueline as she recalled form class, though the other students called her Jack or Jax. "Oh my dear isn't it fascinating how such a magnificent piece of property can hold so much? At first glance it is nothing but a piece of furnishing. There to add a bit of a flare to the room, but then on looking closer you can see every nook and cranny. Every dent that was placed there by a foreign object and every scratch that makes the surface...more unique than it was before. It's like a cocoon, no? It holds the wearer and protects them from the outside until it is time for the wearer to submerge and face what may come. Leaving the cocoon behind with no thought and only history."

It may have all sounded like mumbo jumbo, but to Fauna it made perfect sense. When she was younger she had went to this same gallery and had not thought twice about them. Now that she was much older she thought about how she could have used one back then. One for herself and one for her brother. Perhaps now she should be two for her sons. To give them buried deep within the darkness of the suit that could not hurt, but only protect. Protect and hide with only safety in mind.

[jacquelynchaput]

Jax knew exactly of what the professor spoke of. A suit of protection, a coccon from the outside world. A barrier that would not only protect, but also hide what deep thoughts, beliefs, views and actions that one could take during their life. Jax tried to laugh a bit at the woman's words, trying to shrug off the fact that she knew what Professor Hectis meant. Jax shrugged, "Eh, there cool and all. I'd love to try one on." She tried very hard to sound like she was joking, when in all seriuosness she wasn't. She wanted to hide and crawl so far deep within one so that she could think, she could find herself. Many would say that she was too young to think this way, too young to be soul searching. But when one grew up with only one parent, and such a different lifestyle just in general than from most, they learned to grow up fast.

Jax didn't ask to grow up fast. She didn't ask to figure out more about herself than she wanted. If anything, she even repressed who she was even further to act younger than she usually would have. Cry for attention? Never. She wouldn't allow for herself to be so weak, but at the same time...she did find that every day left her a little more empty and alone. She sighed and her deep thought crossed through her face in expression.

Jax finally snapped out of it and crossed her arms. "So, what'cha doing here? There's no plants out here professor." Jax snickered, totally joking and almost proud at herself for being a smart guy for no apparent reason. Another facade. Jax didn't like Herbology. Not as much as using her wand, and her grades would prove it. But it didn't mean she had anything against the professor, actually the woman seemed nice enough in Jax's perspective. But the armory was a long ways from the grounds, and on that note, Jax found that she could change the mood by jesting and fooling around like she normally would in such serious paths of thoughts. She smiled, and looked up at the professor somewhat mockingly.

[fauna]

"Eh, there cool and all. I'd love to try one on." Fauna smiled and nodded her head as the girl came out with this one. Fauna would love to try one on too. She wanted to move about and her elbows squeak, and carry the sword around her waste. She wanted to pull the visor down and go rampaging through the halls like a seven year old with a wild imagination. It sounded like a lot of fun to her, but she didn't think she would fit in any of the metal suits. She would have to have one made her for her special to fit her thick frame. "Yes, I wish I could do that too. Oh, it would be much fun deary, much fun." She added on of her smiles at the end and watched as the young woman's face suddenly changed. The tone which had tried to find a home in her voice was now overridden by the expression her face. It was a sad expression that made Fauna's hazel eyes fill with worry for the girl. There was something wrong. It was just something that mother's knew, but mother's also knew how to find out without being so blatant about it. Her face looked so bothered and.....Old. It looked like the face of a troubled woman carrying burdens that she should not yet carry. Fauna knew the feeling, because when she was younger that look had often found its way unto her face. What with everything that happened to her Fauna had become so accustomed to that look until she met Gary.

As Jacquelyn's face changed again to become that of a thirteen year old again Fauna kept an open ear. "I've come in here for all of you. The students and the hallways. The moving portraits and the mobile staircases. The confusion that accompanies being lost, and the excitement that comes when finding something new. That is why I have come in here deary," she laughed like it was so obvious. "Plus it is not a written rule that I must stay outside by the greenhouses. If it is then I think it is high time I brushed up on my reading," she added with another laugh. Fauna decided to joke along with the girl despite her face only a moment before. "Just because you see my actions outside does not mean that I don't know any secretes about inside." She gestured towards the suits of armor. "Just think of me as a not so clanky version of one of there guys here."

[jacquelynchaput]

Jax laughed out loud and as she did she held her stomach a bit. This woman was quite amusing and she liked to joke around. It was always good to find an adult with a sense of humor. Much better than some of the professor's around here, that was for sure. "Well, I suppose that's true," she finally was able to say between her spurts of light giggles that were left from her laughter. "About you being able to come in here, I mean. Now for you being like them...." Jax said as she looked back and forth from the armor to the professor, "I think you're a bit more enthusiastic."

Jax smiled brightly and shoved her hands in her pockets as she yet again examined the suits of armor. One more thing to think about later, but it wasn't as if she could try to climb into one of them for real with Professor Hectis standing right there. No, she'd have to put that off as well. Another unfinished plan, ruined by outside forces. Her life story coming to haunt her. Her smile fadded, and the seriousness from before returned. Another life...that's what she wished for at that very moment. That, and the understanding of a god.

"Course, you know what else about being a suit of armor...they don't have to worry about anything. Not a thing to bother them...and no offense," Jax stated as she looked at the armor's weapons and gulped a bit. "But no brain to think to much with either." Looking back at the professor, Jax shrugged and thought about easy it would be to be a suit of armor.

[fauna]

"Yes I do have a bit more pep in my step than they do. Though most, if not all, things can be remedied," she said glad that the girl was in a more cheery mood than she was a while ago. There had even been some giggles which made a laugh rise up Fauna's own chest. The easy smile that was on her face soon went away though as the girl once again turned serious and all laughter died down. “No, they don’t have to worry about anything, but you want to know something? That is also their draw back. Imagine not being able to experience a single ounce of real life. Of only moving like a corpse through the halls with no real purpose whatsoever. What kind of life would that be like?” Fauna asked the girl. Some of her own memories were coming to mind as she spoke and thoughts of Fredrick found themselves at the front of her mind. “Sure these shiny suits once carried people, and with those people came stories and a sense of…..of humanity. But now…Now these suits are empty and they are unable to carry memories of anything that is good.”

Fauna quickly looked at Jacquelyn. “Like the first time you ever spoke to a particular and learned about how wonderful they could be. The first time you ever laid eyes on a sunset that left one too speechless to comment. A first kiss perhaps. Something. Anything. Even if it is nothing but the smell of a wildflower right before the pesticides are released.” She had her first kiss long before she met Gary, but she had shared a first kiss with Gary that she would never forget. It was things like those that made it worthwhile to be living, and not a gleaming hunk of metal. “And yes,” she said with a smile, “though they don’t have brains to think with imagine how it would be if we didn’t. We might still be stuck in an age where we had to run our letters to whomever would receive them instead of using owls.” She shivered. “What a dreadful time that would be darling. Or if we were stuck in a time when magic was not so well developed as it is now. Oh goodness me how horrible that would be.”

[jacquelynchaput]

Jax shrugged. "I don't know...I don't think it'd be any different than how I...." she stopped not trying to go into more details than she had to. She was too young to be feeling such distress and she knew it. Her father had told her multiple times that the way she spoke somtimes, or the way she moved around certain areas of topic were not the way she should act. She was a child, ergo she should be having fun and enjoying life. So, why then was it so hard to take him seriously and continue to enjoy life?

Too many bottled up memories of times she wished not to remember. First kiss? Yea, that was what the professor had said and even in those few little words another memory was brought up. Something more that she had experienced only to be something taken from her. Just another thing lost that she had no control over losing. "No, I don't think.....I mean," she tried to speak, "Have you ever just woke up one morning and realized you've lost something really important to you?" Jax asked her....why? She had no clue. Maybe to find more like her that had lost loved ones or ones that had had something taken from them. Yes, she was searching for answers. No, she really didn't want them. Because when it came down to it, and the conclusions she always thought of, she was the reason that she felt so empty inside. And the reason why, she had lost so much that seemed to important to just let go of.

[fauna]

"Have you ever just woke up one morning and realized you've lost something really important to you?"

Had she? She could remember perfectly well how it felt to wake up and to cry your eyes out because someone who had been a part of your life for so long, someone who had been in the womb with you. Someone who had shared your first words with. Someone who had shared toys with when you were younger. She knew how it felt to experience loss, and she could remember the first time that feeling had arisen in her. The whole time her brother had been a death eater, it had not felt like loss to her. Yes, she had a lost a brother who had once beat up three boys for messing with this one little girl. He had gotten a bloody nose and a black eye at the end of the brawl but they knew he meant business. No, even though she had lost that it had not felt like she had lost her brother for life. It was not until three days after Christmas that she felt that kind of loss. She had been in her garden weeding with the new tools she had gotten, and was laying some nice mulch down. Her husband had burst through the backdoor of their home followed by a grave looking family friend. She had received the news right then and there and her heart had never been filled since.

For the most part the day she found out she was in shock, and the tears came trickling down silently. She couldn't believe it! The next day when she woke up it hit her like a freight train and the tears didn't just trickle. They didn't just fall. They poured from her eyes and it took buckets to clear the floor of the bedroom. Even more for the rest of the house. "Yes, deary," she said with her voice full of emotion. "Yes, I know how that feels very much. Is there something you have lost? Or you think you might be losing?"

[jacquelynchaput]

"My mind," Jax whispered noticing the emotion that filled the professor's voice. She couldn't pin point what kind of emotion it was. Perhaps she had surprised Professor Hectis with her questiion. Jax was unusually calm. It went back to the whole topic of who to tell, if it was safe to even come close to the issue or topic, if it was even safe. She thought about how the professors were supposed to help the students when they were in need, but when she thought about the professors she never even found any that were close to student friendly except for Atwood, and he just didn't seem all there in the head. No, Jax determined that whoever knew would have to be right in the head, and someone who could keep a secret as well. Could this woman do that? She seemed nice enough but at the same time, how did Jax know if this woman wouldn't do the same thing her mother did and just run. Run away with her secret, where it may slip and then the student body would know for sure. It was bound to happen, but Jax wanted to be ready...not taken by surprise.

"I feel like I'm losing myself in a world of confusion that I can't even tell my dad...do you know why life is so confusing? Why everytime you do something, it only seems to make things worse or bring you back to the thing that you ultimately keep trying to avoid?" Jax looked at the professor, emotion in her words as well. Sorrow even. But she wasn't going to let herself go to easily, she needed someone to trust, but even in class this woman was as distant from Jax as any other. Not her fault, but Jax's. She wasn't as studious as many of the Ravens were, and Herbology wasn't one of her top classes for sure. This woman, however, was different, and older. Maybe she could get some clearer answers from her than from Drew and Snake. Maybe from her, she'd find a clearer path.

[fauna]

Her mind? The emotion that was now filling up Fauna from head to toe (making it quite a lot) reached out to the young girl. Only thirteen years old and yet so sad. Her calm nature did not suggest that everything was all peachy with her, in fact is suggested quite the opposite. Fauna quickly tried to quell the feelings that had been brought up from their coffins, and instead focused on the injured girl in front of her. Not injured physically as far as the woman knew, but mentally and it showed. The girl looked beaten at the moment as she spoke to Fauna. She would not dare call her damaged. She was not a damaged girl because damaged said that she couldn't be fixed. The girl did not need to be fixed. All that negative energy inside her needed to be released was all to let the happiness back in. "I cannot tell you any secretes about life deary, no more than one can make their problems go away." There was something bothering the girl alright and Fauna was going to have to be careful as to what she said. She knew breaking points when she saw them. Heck she had reached her own once or twice during her thirty seven years of existence. "

“And yes, the world is very confusing. Leaving one’s mind a muddled mess with no one to help clean it up. But no one is ever lost deary. They, we, simply get misplaced from time to time. Saying lost does not infer that there is a place to go back to, but misplaced brings hope that rescuing is right around the corner.” Fauna smiled at the girl and looked right at her. Her calm eyes that really showed that she really did care gently relayed anything that might have been lost in speech. “If you feel that you cannot tell your dad then you must tell someone. They help make the world less confusing, and they make the things that get worse easier to get through. Or to help you confront the thing the second time around instead of avoiding it again. Deary everyone needs a rescuer.”

The sadness was still in the air, but Fauna wanted to remedy that. There was no use in carrying heavy weights, knowing that the load was too heavy to bear alone.

[jacquelynchaput]

"Like a knight in shinning armor....." Jax snickered to herself as she put her hands in her pockets and found herself looking at the floor. Jax believed in saviors almost as much as she believed that she would ever see her mother again. Many years had past and not a word from a mother who should have been there. So, when it came to fairy tales, Jax was determined to be the one saving....not the one being saved.

Jax had to be strong. With only a father, responsibilities of living were placed on her before her time. On top of everything that had happened in school, thus far, before ever coming to Hogwarts, Jax had gone through what most her age wouldn't even think about having to live through. She could cook dinner, clean up after herself, and ultimately take care of herself if her father ever had to be away. It didn't happen often, but it had happened enough for Jax to learn how to survive. Who knew that when a person hit puberty and had so many different emotions flying around, all that someone had learned or come to understand flew out the window? It was as if she was growing up all over again, and searching for that someone who was supposed to teach her the way. A rescuer? Maybe in a sense. But Jax couldn't agree that she had lost herself that much, to where she needed a rescuer.

Jax's father usually was the rescuer. In less words, that was what he had always done. She watched his back, and he watched hers. They were not a father-daughter pair, they were in fact partners in life. One made it so the other survived. Sure, she had gotten into trouble here and there, and had been disciplined but overall their relationship was based on trust and being able to talk things through. That's where Jax began to hit a wall. With how much she strived to be like other daughters, she had always found and always known there was something different.

Jax wasn't one for playing with girly things, nor was she one for doing the whole make up thing. She was, what her grandparents called, a tom boy. But what her peer called, wierd. They had many different names for what she was. None of which she didn't fight over or try to knock a few kids out about. Though, as she grew, and found out the meanings for some of the words, and then hit puberty and found that she just didn't do the same things as most girls, she found that some of the words made sense. It was as if her peers, her classmates in elementary school, the ones who didn't even take the time to know who she truly was, knew of her before she did. When she came to Hogwarts, she didn't change much and no one judged. It was a different experience, one she had found enjoyable. But anymore, it was as if she was more alone than ever.Was it because she was the only one, and know one even suspected the reason why they never judged or called names? Poked fun or tried to point out in the crowd? Jax never knew, and to afraid to ask, she just decided to keep everything to herself.

"There's just so much to tell....and so much that most wouldn't understand," Jax said, her eyes still glued on the floor. "How does someone tell a story or anything if they themselves don't understand it? I'm trying to find solutions, but in the end just come out more confused about what I'm even searching for." She looked back up at her teacher and tried to smile.

"I'm just not sure where to begin.....and I don't know who to trust....my rescuer......just isn't ready for this."

[fauna]

Fauna was not quite the youngster she used to be and so she did not quite catch what Jacquelyn said. It must have not been for her ears then in which case Fauna did not think on the uttered words too much. Instead she focused again on the sadness that filled the girl’s face, which was followed by confusion. Whatever the girl was thinking, it was weighing heavily upon her. What could make such a thirteen year old girl look like that? Fauna had to smile at herself for such a question. When she herself was thirteen looks like that had crossed her face many times, but with reason. A very valid reason actually, and during those years when that look had become one of her most used looks she had been very confused about the world. First there were the family problems, the problems within her own wizarding community that extended to much of Great Britain. On top of those there was the usual problem of keeping school grades high and making sure that she was keeping up in her schooling. Her body was changing and she was becoming a lady too which couldn't have helped at all. Her teenage years were full of confusion, and yet she found that she could not turn to anyone. She did not feel comfortable talking to her peers about her family and her opinions on what was going on outside the school.

Nor could she find an adult with whom she felt that she could share her secret thoughts and not be judged by them. Instead she had turned to her plants. All of the flowers on the school grounds, and the ones that remained stationary on the creamy pages of botany books. Then there were the kind of magical books that spilled leaves unto her lap whenever she opened them, and there were the trees to climb so she could dig into the trunk to let the sap built up behind the brown barrier flow free. The world of nature that contained Cnicus Benedictus and Agaricus bisporus was the thing that she spoke to about her troubles. In a way it the plants and their intangible healing powers that Fauna had run to, and it was the same that made her feel better after she would visit the greenhouses (unbeknown to the professor) and speak to the plants. It never occurred to her that during these visits anyone could just walk by and overhear her speaking to a bunch of petals, vines, and leaves. But at the time her mind had not been concerned with that.

So Fauna did understand that look which kept crossing the girl's face. She may not understand the woes of a child in 2007, but she did understand that whatever was the source of the look couldn't be very good at all. Suddenly her mind wandered back to Fredrick, and she wondered if she had been his knight a little sooner than she had if he would have still been alive? She had tried to yes, but she had not tried hard enough. Or she had simply tried to reach him at a time when reaching him by mere words had not been enough. She even wondered if he had the same look that Jacquelyn did now at times in his life. "Your rescuer...Your knight...They might not be ready but that does not mean that they can't help you if given the chance. We are all unprepared for most things in life but we all must bar are way through the difficult things right? Why not try me out. I may not be a very good knight when it comes to swords and things like that. My armor isn't built to sustain such attacks," she smiled and patted her soft stomach. "But I can protect in other ways my dear. Plus it looks like right now you can use a listener. Even if said listener does not understand everything, or at least if you think I don't. Why not try it? You might feel a little better, and if it makes you feel any better I don't think these here things will be running to spill secrets any time soon," she said with another cheery smile as she thumped on of the suits of armor on the chest. The suit jumped and clanged with another suit which was jolted from its stance. Both moved and clanged a bit more before finally settling back down to their original positions.

[jacquelynchaput]

Jax was a bit stunned in her thoughts as the professor offered up her services to the younger girl. Would Professor Hectis really be able to handle the burden as she had? And more importantly, not tell a soul about what was bothering her? Jax didn't look up from the floor she looked at, but instead thought about how she could sugar coat what was actually being said. Jax wouldn't tell the student body, no not yet. No one who would only hurt her needed to know, but at the same time this women was different. Yet, still Jax could not bring herself out to saying anything about it. Not directly anyhow.

"My rescuer is my father....I haven't told him anything of what I have been thinking because I'm not sure if he would understand..." she trailed off. Jax wasn't ready to tell anyone exactly what was going on. Not until she had someone with her who felt the same, or acting in a similar manner. Maybe then, if she could share the experience and the probable torment that was sure to follow. "I've been feeling these things towards people that....I can't control. Like....I like them, but more than just friends...ya know?" The typical relationship comments that Jax had heard many times play out in her head but never was about to say. Even pushing in this far made her fidget a bit where she stood, as she finally looked up at the professor in which she spoke.

"I just don't understand why I care...it's not like anyone returns these.....feelings?" she questioned. "I just wish I could turn it off....like a switch or something....."

[fauna]

((Sorry it took me so long to type a post. I have been busy lately))

"My rescuer is my father....I haven't told him anything of what I have been thinking because I'm not sure if he would understand..." Fauna nodded at this. It made perfect sense to her. Goodness knew there were many things that Liam told her that he would not tell his dad because he claimed that his dad would not understand. Fredrick was still in the stage where anyone, and everyone, was his hero and he felt open enough to tell them everything. Even as an eight year old he was able to compete with Jacquelyn for the things left unsaid. It was all apart of growing up. As the girl was hesitant about what to follow up with her last statement Fauna just looked at her kindly. There may not have been any other look she could give. There was too much wrong in the world for her not to give those looks. They just came second nature to her anyway. "I've been feeling these things towards people that....I can't control. Like....I like them, but more than just friends...ya know?" Fauna's smile widened. Of course she knew how that was! She had been young once herself and there were times when she had liked a boy as more than just friends. Fauna was relieved to know that it wasn't something so extremely drastic. The trouble could have been much worse than a matter of the heart...

Still the woman felt like there was something else that the young lady had to add. So she kept from saying anything until the next words were said. "I just don't understand why I care...it's not like anyone returns these.....feelings? I just wish I could turn it off....like a switch or something....." There was silence afterward as Fauna thought. Then when she finally spoke she spoke slowly.

"Hearts are very tough on the outside," she paused considering how carefully she would word her thoughts. Also considering the tension coming from Jacquelyn. Not bad tension, but tension just the same. "We cannot control which way they lead us...Or who they lead us to. All we can do is accept it and continue to let our hearts take us through the rest of the journey. No matter how turbulent it is." She still kept speaking in a soothing tone that had that hint of a smile underneath it the whole time.

"If the feelings are not reciprocated it is nothing that we should fret upon. You should never want to stop feeling whatever you are feeling. Imagine how you would be without them." She didn't want to push but she knew there was more than what she had told her. She had two kids who would tell half the story and leave the other out. "Mother it isn't lying if I didn’t actually lie, is it?”