Bring It On, Sunshine

[bloxam]

This had not been in his job description. He wanted a raise, he wanted better benefits, he wanted a big fancy chair to stick in his office. The advertisement had been simple. It had gone on and on about qualifications to become the Transfiguration Professor, but it had said nothing about how much teaching needed to be done. These kiddies were in their 4th or 5th year and knew nothing about his subject. He better at least get that big fancy chair and a better dental plan.

The man who leaned against the pillar as the moving staircase took him up to the Head Hancho's office, looked anything but angry however. One arm resting on that pillar, legs crossed, he was whistling a low tune. A rather annoying low tune. Kind of like the buzz of a fly in your ear that just wouldn't go away.

When the stairs reached the door, he rapped on it elegantly, the whistling at last stopping. In his bright neon green robes, head just brushing the ceiling, and idiotic grin on his face, it was hard to tell is he was arrogant or a jerk currently. Probably a bit of both.

"Oh, Fiona, darling!" He called through the door in a pleasant coo, "I need to talk to you, sweetheart."

[Fiona Faine]

Eyes that could give blue starfishes a run for their money swiveled to the doorway, quickly followed by a cranking of the head. There seemed to be a squeaky clown fish calling for her.

Glancing down at her...apparel, Fiona sighed. She let her foot drop from where she had stopped mid-stalk. The Fiona that answered the door wasn't the Fiona that the population of Hogwarts saw waltzing through the halls on the rare occasion that they DID see her.

The purple fuzzy slippers that adorned her socked feet were only one of the things that demanded attention. A neon green bath robe was opened in the front to a very unusual sight. Usually conservative and business in her dress, the short khaki shorts and baby blue tank top outfit seemed so....un-Fionish. Did she mention that her black hair was up in a messy bun atop her head.

Pivoting on her heels to grasp the door handle in her free hand (the other being occupied with a green tea frappacino, of course) Fiona swung the door open, stared at Bloxam for a second while she briefly considered ignoring him, and then slammed the door shut in his face.

Pivoting on her heels once more, she went back to happily sipping on her drink as she trotted away. "Fiona isn't here right now. Please leave a message after the beep!" she called out behind her.

[bloxam]

For the briefest of moments the door opened, revealing Bloxam and all of his grinning glory. A predicament that grew in intensity as his gray eyes sized her up. Taking in everything from the short shorts, the mix-matched outfit and hair in serious need of defrizzing. Looked as if she was going to waddle off to a students slumber party.

"You know, dearest. This is a rather flattering fashion state--" the door slammed shut in his face. The force of it tousling his just-too-long hair around. With a puff of air out of the corner of his mouth blew the loose strains away from his face.

Well, wasn't she just a meadow of daisies and sugar plums. Perhaps he should offer her to a couple of drinks down in Hogsmeade. He might just get a taste of that lovely smelling drink of hers. Put probably at the price of getting it out of his robes as well. A chuckle.

He wrapped again on the door with a knuckle. "Aww, come on Fiona. Can''t we talk about this? I know you want a divorce but we can work this out. Communication is key in any relationship."

[Fiona Faine]

Fiona stopped in her tracks again, shoulder slumped forward. She supposed she should let him in. She also reckoned that the "I'm not here, please leave a message" thing wouldn't work again, since it apparently hadn't the first time.

Sighing, Fiona swung herself around to face the door and flicked a finger to open it, revealing Bloxam grinning like a fool. She raised her eyebrows up at him, straightened up, and wriggled the digits on her left hand.

"Put a ring on that finger, and darling, we can talk about anything you want." Fiona informed him, the corners of her eyes squinting in her wide, innocent smile.

[bloxam]

It actually worked. The woman couldn't possibly be that easy. But there it was, the door swung open, revealing the one and only Headmistress. Now, her smiling like that was enough to send a man with half his wits about him running for the hills. It was viciously innocent.

Well, good thing that Bloxam was not a very witty fellow.

He rested his right arm on the open door frame, putting his weight against that as he considered her, that grin of his never fading. Not a half bad woman, and the prospect was tempting. Well, tempting if he did want to put away under a claim of temporary insanity.

"You know love, you are absolutely stunning when you smile like that. Though I'm afraid I can't afford the ring just yet. Will you take a kiss in its place?"

He puffed out his lips and made a kissy sound. The door would slam back in his face any minute now.

[Fiona Faine]

Fiona passed a hand over her face to hide the cough that gave away that she was trying desperately hard not to burst out laughing. She quickly sipped on her delicious caffeine source to give her throat something else to do.

Rather than send the door flying closed at him, like she normally would have done (along with laughing when it hit him in the nose), Fiona decided to play along just to see which of them would crack first. She edged closer to Bloxam, tilting her head and lifting her chin several degrees in indignation.

"I don't think your kiss could match up to a ring. That's a pretty hard feat. After all, jewelry is a girl's best friend." the Headmistress sighed, as if disappointed that he hadn't much to offer her.

[bloxam]

A lot of muscles were straining at the effort not to laugh. His body quivered with the sheer will not to cave. An exhausting task. Especially when Fiona herself began to break. For covering her mouth in that way could only lead to one conclusion. So this was a game after all, was it?

Inwardly, he cringed. This was going to be the single most revolting act he would ever have to commit. But it was the sure way to get her to crack first -- he hoped. Bloxam would not back out now. He wouldn't have Slytherin running through his veins if he could resist a challenge once initiated. Oh, but this would be disgusting if she went through with it. And he abhorred the taste of coffee.

When she inched forward, he took a step closer. They were both standing in the doorway now. A space that, by all rights, was barely big enough for one. Good Merlin's Beard, but no one should ever be this close to this woman. No one. Deep calming breaths. Count to ten. Deep breaths.

"Couldn't match up to a ring, hmm?" He asked, as seductive as he could possibly sound without managing to be sarcastic. It was hard to do mind you. "Do you want to test that theory?"

Most. Revolting. Act.

[Fiona Faine]

Fiona should by now have already been to Hogsmeade by now, but her feet were firmly planted mere centimeters from Bloxam once he stepped closer. She suppressed the twitch in her eye that so dearly wanted to reveal her disgust and...disgust. On any other day the seductive tone would have gagged her. Her grip around her cup tightened and her knuckles showed white, the only sign that gave away her emotions.

"I don't think you could handle it." Fiona replied honestly, arching her eyebrows at him in a challenge, her face now completely tilted up to him due to how close they were to each other. He would crack first, she would make sure of that. She vaguely hoped that she had at least two full bottles of toothpaste in stock in case he did actually manage to go through with it.

But he wouldn't. Or would he? Maybe three tubes.