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Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 11, 2007 23:02:23 GMT -5
No, what was real was that it was happening. It wasn't a movie, it wasn't a fairy tale, it was real and she was the one who decided on it. His arms were around her and she just stood there. He'd already pulled away from her once, he would just do it again when she told him she really believed it would be better if they didn't have that between them, that slight pressure. No, that wasn't the right word, but to have that there when she wanted to be his friend more than his girlfriend, to find that relationship over trying to reattach the severed ends that were dangling.
"No Drew," she told him shaking her head. "I care a lot about you too, but no. We were being slow, remember?" she asked him. They started and he wanted slow and it didn't do that, well, it did, but not really slow. "And I feel like we're starting to lose it. I don't want to lose that, Drew. No, I don't want to do this, but I think it's for the best. We need to try being friends again before we can be us again."
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 11, 2007 23:22:27 GMT -5
"We can go slower," Drew told her, refusing to let go this time. He wasn't going to force her to stay together, but he was hoping that maybe she would start seeing his reasoning. Hers had made sense, but so did his. No one liked the arguing, but if they were both this miserable over the idea of breaking up, then maybe it wasn't the right thing to do.
"Neither of us want this, so why are you so dead set on doing it? We can go slower and work on our friendship without doing it this way. I know we can," he told her softly, resisting the urge to play with a loose strand of her hair that had found its way out from under his hat. Her stubborn nature was one of the things he found so attractive about her... except when it was playing against him like now. He hoped that just this once, she wouldn't stick to her guns so strongly.
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 11, 2007 23:39:46 GMT -5
Why? Because it just didn't feel right to just try and slow down in what was going on. It hurt her not kissing on him those few weeks when she was dating him, taking it slow meant she'd have to be careful about it. If they weren't together, she didn't have the right, especially because she was thinking real friendship, not what had been going on since November 1st. As just his friend, she'd force herself not to. And it wasn't like they couldn't hug, or she couldn't kiss his cheek, or they couldn't laugh or anything like that, friends did stuff like that all the time, didn't they?
"Because I think it's what's needed, even if it's not wanted." No, she really didn't want to break up with him, but it would be easier to try and repair one thing that was almost gone while there wasn't that pressure of the requirements of being on another level of relationship.
"Drew, I think it'll help," she told him, looking up to his damp face. They could get closer through each other that way, instead of physically like they had been doing for a while. If they could get closer that way, then things would be better all around, right?
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 12, 2007 1:03:48 GMT -5
"Yeah, it'll help, but it's not the only way to do it," Drew told her. He wanted to work on their friendship too. He agreed that the friendship part of things was probably more important than anything else about the two of them together. But he was also confident they could do it without breaking up.
"I'll take it as slow as you want it. I'll renounce all kissing rights and hugging rights and any other rights you want until you say," he promised, knowing it would be hard, but he could do it. He had gotten through the previous two months with a lot of cold showers and he figured there was no harm in taking a few more. "You're right about needing to work on our friendship. That's a good thing. Maybe we did take it too fast. But we can just back it up a little, right? We don't have to start all the way at square one. We've already got to have some sort of friendship otherwise we wouldn't have made it this far, right?"
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 12, 2007 1:14:40 GMT -5
He just wasn't getting it. This was a part of why their arguments started, because she got frustrated with him not understanding and frustrated when he would do that thing. That one where he'd completely back off and give an "okay" as an answer suddenly. Why didn't he just understand? They both agreed their friendship was important, but what if while repairing their friendship he decided he didn't like her anymore? What if they remained together while working on it and he decided he didn't like her like she liked him?
And he was telling her he'd renounce rights he had right to as her boyfriend. What if he resented her for it? What if he found someone who allowed him that right and he decided he wanted her instead?
"It's not the only way Drew, no, but I think it's the way we need. I can't ask you to renounce any of that, it's your right in a relationship like that and I want to still be able to hug you." Right now she wasn't holding onto him, but because she still feared once she did, he'd pull away.
"And I don't want you to hate me for that," she mumbled quietly. "Or what if you find someone you like better that wants you to do that? Wouldn't you want to be able to do that?" Or what if she found someone?
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 12, 2007 1:46:18 GMT -5
"You keep making all of these decisions without talking to me about them," he said, feeling again like he had no say at all in the matter. "You didn't ask me to do anything. You're telling me what I can and can't do. I'm offering a compromise and you're saying I can't do that. Why not? Who says it's my right? And even if it is, why can't I give it up if I want to?"
"And why would I hate you for anything?" he asked, totally surprised at the last bit she had said. "There is no one better so I don't care if some other girl wants it or not. She's not going to get it from me. I want to be with you."
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 12, 2007 2:00:43 GMT -5
"I am talking to you about it," she answered somewhat sharply. That's what they were doing, talking and when she'd asked him if he'd rather keep fighting or try again he didn't really answer her. Both were stubborn, unwilling to do what the other wanted. He was offering a compromise, yes, but she didn't think it would be a good one to go with. "I'm not telling you what you can or cannot do Drew. I'm making my own decision, that I know effects you, but it does me too."
Taking a moment to breathe and try to think of a way to make him see what she was saying, she was caught off guard. How could he know that when he hadn't even looked? How did he know there was no one better for him? Was she really even that good enough? Here she was, hurting herself and him and he was saying no one was better for him?
"Drew...I need a break," she said quietly. "I need to stop and try again. I need to find your friendship without anything else attached." What if while they stayed together she found his friendship again, but decided he wasn't what she thought she wanted anymore? Right now he was, but what if?
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 12, 2007 2:21:07 GMT -5
"You are telling me what I can and can't do," he countered. "You say I can't give up my rights and I say I can." She said she was talking to him, but she wasn't. She was telling him and making the decisons as to what he was and was not capable of, what he could and could not do, what he did and did not need. How in the name of Merlin's beard would a cease-kissing agreement make him hate her? Why would he choose to be with some skank instead of Felicity?
And it finally hit him. He understood. She kept talking about him finding someone else, needing someone else, but that wasn't what she was talking about at all. She needed a break... from him.
"You want to... to see other people," he said softly, droping his hold again and taking a step back. The thought crushed him and he looked at her with disbelief. But of course she did. He was her first boyfriend and she would want to see what else was out there. "Just tell me you want to see other people if that's it." Then at least he could stop making a fool out of himself trying to keep her.
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 12, 2007 2:36:00 GMT -5
"What?" she asked completely flabbergasted. How could he come to a conclusion like that? She'd just told him she loved him. Yes, she thought the possibility was there, but she didn't want to see anyone else. She didn't want to know about any other boy's boxers, she didn't want to go swimming with anyone else, she didn't want some other boy to get her out of a tree, she didn't want to share her cinnamon chicken with anyone else. How could he accuse her of that? "No. Drew, that's not true."
The look on his face made what was left of her heart shatter. How? There was no one else she could think of at that moment that she wanted to kiss, or hug, or have hold her. Not one.
"I don't want to see anyone else. Only you, just you," she continued, unable to hide from the shattering glass ringing through her ears. "I just don't want to lose you because of something stupid Drew. I want to be guaranteed that no matter what, we'll always be friends. I don't want to lose all of you because it doesn't work. But we can be friends through anything, right? I just want to make sure that we're friends..."
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 13, 2007 0:24:39 GMT -5
She may have said she loved him, but in the next breath, she had broken up with him. It just didn't make sense. What else was he supposed to think, feeling like this came out of the blue. Him and only him, she said, but she didn't want to be with him. News flash... he didn't get it.
"We are friends," he said softly as he gingerly reached for her hand, not sure if it would be accepted. He just didn't want to be friends who used to be boyfriend-girlfriend.
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 13, 2007 1:01:16 GMT -5
"Then why don't I feel like it?" she asked him carefully. While the crazy voice in her head was screaming at her not to let him grab her hand like that, she couldn't stop herself from letting it happen. He fit, and perfectly in her mind. Why couldn't she call it all off? Because it would not only be ridiculous after what she'd said to do so, but also because she was pretty sure it was what she wanted for a little while. The lioness wanted to just be his friend, nothing more, not right then.
"Please trust me on this?" she asked him quietly. "I just don't think I can handle more than a friendship right now. Not when I still have to figure things out with my family, not when I have to figure so many things out..." This small list included Raynor, classes, family, friends, what she wanted or didn't want. "I don't want to make anything bad between us Drew, and I feel like I am."
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 13, 2007 1:39:43 GMT -5
"I don't know," he mumbled, more than a little hurt that she didn't think of him as a friend now. And he wasn't sure how she expected him to trust her when she wouldn't trust him. Despite all of her assurances that she did, he knew she didn't. If she really trusted him, she'd know that there was no way she was making things bad.
"Why don't you trust me on this?" he asked back, just as quietly. "You say you have all this stuff to figure out, but it's like you think you're supposed to figure it out alone. You're not supposed to figure it out all alone. That's what friends are for... that's what I'm here for. But you won't let me. Why won't you let me?"
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 13, 2007 1:57:37 GMT -5
Because she was pretty sure it was what was right to do at that moment. Not what either of them seemed to want, but what felt right to her, and it was hurting her slightly that he didn't trust her judgment on what felt right for herself. And as much as she really did trust him, it wasn't what felt right to do. Why should she make him hold off on something while she figured and sorted herself out? That wasn't right.
"I do trust what you're saying, but I don't think it's right to do it that way. I don't know why Drew, but it feels, to me, like this is right for now. I know you're telling me it isn't, and that you don't want it. I don't want it either, but for some reason, it just feels like it's right to do." Biting her bottom lip lightly, she turned her water gaze on him, not wanting to go through it anymore. No more fighting, no more of them both feeling like they messed something up, no more second guessing.
"Yes, that's what friends are for, I agree. But I need time to sort it out for myself, to get it straightened and filed in my mind before I can ask for anyone to help me," she continued. It was such a jumbled mess, and now with her heart not feeling right, it was even more messy than usual. "I won't let you because I won't let anyone until I've had time to think about it."
She'd had tons of time to think about it, but it still wasn't enough. "Please, Drew. Give me a couple of days, at least to think about it before asking me to talk about it. I know you don't always talk to me about things I think you should, you don't always tell me what's on your mind. Please don't make me do it when I'm not ready to." They're agreement to talk to each other was usually followed, she was pretty sure, but there were sometimes neither of them seemed to go along with the promise to each other. "I want to be able to talk to you about it, but I just need a couple of days to think about it. A couple of days, with just hanging out, no good night kisses or any attachment that our relationship requires. I just want to be able to come to you, only as a friend and talk. Nothing more for a little while."
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 13, 2007 2:12:11 GMT -5
He had expected her to come back with the "I think it's right" argument and he had been ready to counter it quickly. But she had actually said she felt it was right... for now... for her. He couldn't really argue her feelings, nor the timing.
"A couple of days..." he repeated carefully, thinking he could deal with a couple of days. A couple of days, even a couple of weeks, wasn't like a real break-up. And because she was saying pretty much what he had suggested earlier (and a shorter time frame than he had been thinking to boot), he was a little more willing to go along with it.
"I'm trying... I'm getting better at trying to tell you, aren't I?" he asked softly. "It's just hard when I think you don't understand what I'm saying. But I am trying."
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 13, 2007 2:23:59 GMT -5
A couple of days until she would be ready to talk, but she didn't think a couple of days would suffice for the relationship. No, the relationship was going to take a little while longer, she was pretty sure, at least until they both were satisfied with the friendship. That was what was most important, more important than wanting to stay together.
"Just a few days to let me think about it all," she confirmed. "I think I could be ready to talk then. I just need some time to think about everything." Really, she thought the break-up was pretty self explanatory. Just give it time, give her time to breathe. It was hard being near someone all the time that only took your breath away, made it hard to find air that wouldn't be taken from your lungs.
"You are," she nodded to him. "But I'm not, because it's hard when I don't think you understand." Like now, when she was trying to break up with him, he just didn't understand. Gently, she squeezed his hand, hoping he would.
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