|
Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 9, 2007 2:13:11 GMT -5
It was a rare moment almost, did he actually hear what she said? And while she knew his question was prodding her to clarify, she wondered if he actually understood what she was asking him. He took a step forward, and it took all she had in her not to take a step back. Was he only meeting her now because he understood her question?
"Are you happy?" she asked again. "With us? You and me?" As much as they'd been fighting as of late, she didn't think he was. How could he be when all they seemed to do was argue with one another? The Gryffindor didn't understand how he could be. While she lov--liked him, a lot, she needed to know if he was happy.
|
|
Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
|
Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 9, 2007 2:29:54 GMT -5
"Not when we're fighting. Not when you're upset with me. Not when it feels like you don't trust me," he answered softly, not sure he wanted to say much more on that vein, thinking he had probably said too much anyway.
He knew they were fighting a lot lately, but he also knew it was mostly due to the situation and not any bad feelings he had towards her. "But that's not how it is all the time." Then again, maybe she was unhappy being with him. "... Is it?"
|
|
|
Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 9, 2007 2:41:17 GMT -5
Fighting? No, she wasn't happy when they fought either. And she didn't like being upset with him, but in a way he brought it upon himself, much like she knew she did it to herself when he was mad at her. But she didn't understand what he last said. She trusted him, and while she knew she got jealous sometimes, it didn't mean she didn't trust him, but she just felt that way. Why did he think she didn't trust him?
Shrugging at him, Felicity dropped her gaze for a moment before finding his face again. "No, not all the time, but it has been that way a lot lately." To her, the answer she gave was truthful. "Drew I don't like fighting with you," she continued, not sure what she was trying to say. "But I don't know how to make it stop either."
Biting on her bottom lip, she forced herself not to break her gaze away from his face. Being with him was what she wanted for a long time, and she was finally granted that ability, but she didn't know if it was a good thing anymore. When they were just friends, just kissing on each other, they didn't fight like they did now. But was it really all her fault for wanting to talk to Celina first?
|
|
Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
|
Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 9, 2007 2:59:49 GMT -5
He didn't care much for the shrug, thinking it came awfully close to confirming his fears that maybe she wasn't happy with him. She wanted the fighting to stop, but that could have meant anything. He broke from her gaze, finding it too hard to look into those brown eyes and see disappointment.
"Not make the other one mad?" he suggested with a small smile, still feeling her looking at him and he he raised his head to meet her gaze once more. "I'm trying not to say I don't get stuff..." He hoped she saw that as an effort on his part.
|
|
|
Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 9, 2007 3:13:59 GMT -5
While the slight humour he was trying was nice, it wasn't the moment for it. At least in her opinion it wasn't. She wanted him to be serious, but she reminded herself that she couldn't get everything she wanted. That was what she didn't understand, how could they not make each other mad? All they seemed to do lately was fight, that was making one another mad.
"Drew, if you don't get something, you need to tell me. Tell me what I'm doing wrong in explaining something," she told him. "If you don't tell me that makes things worse. That makes it almost like you're lying to me..."
No, it wasn't that extreme, but it was almost like it. If he saw it as an effort, she couldn't begin to say what she saw it as other than a lie. Was the the reason for the one-worded answers because he was trying to avoid telling her he didn't understand?
Keeping her eyes on him, she noted how he wasn't moving, how he was almost rooted to the spot he stood at. No, she hadn't expected him to go after her, but she did think he would compromise with her.
|
|
Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
|
Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 9, 2007 3:30:59 GMT -5
His lame attempt to lighten the mood a little had failed, and while he hadn't expected a stupid little joke to fix anything, he had at least hoped for a small smile to let him know things were going to be okay. He dropped his eyes again, feeling like he was just making things worse.
"I just don't want you mad at me..." he answered quietly. It hadn't even occured to him that he was supposed to be moving closer. He was too worried about saying the wrong thing again and screwing things up more than they already were.
|
|
|
Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 9, 2007 3:50:26 GMT -5
Drew wasn't even looking at her now. Was she really making things worse by talking? And even if she was, she was doing the right thing, wasn't she? This was something that needed to be fixed, somehow, someway. No matter the outcome, they couldn't keep arguing and fighting like they did, if it continued, she was afraid of something bad happening.
"I'm not mad at you Drew," she answered. It was rare she was mad at him. Yes, she did have her flitters of anger toward him, but they hardly lasted very long. He still hadn't really answered her question. Sure, he said he wasn't happy when things happened, but he'd never said he was happy.
"Why don't you think I trust you?" That statement from him hurt, dug a deep hole in her heart. She did trust him. He knew her inability to preform magic, he'd met her family, she let him kiss her, what indication was there that she didn't trust him?
|
|
Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
|
Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 9, 2007 4:21:53 GMT -5
"I don't know," Drew answered with a helpless shrug as he met her eyes again, honestly at a loss for a reason why she wouldn't trust him. "I mean... there was that time I was hugging Celina, but it was because this creepy Deva guy was putting a move on her and I was just trying to keep her away from him. You've got to know I'd never do something like that to you, and especially not with your best friend."
"Or... is it because I don't understand stuff when you're trying to tell me?" He was pretty sure that was why she wouldn't talk to him, but he wasn't positive. And, of course, he knew that not knowing why she didn't trust him didn't help any either. "I don't know and I don't know how to fix it."
|
|
|
Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 9, 2007 4:39:43 GMT -5
All too well she remembered that. In fact, it was the very night the Deva entered and claimed their stakes. Felicity still didn't know why she completely felt that way, but she'd been overly jealous about it. Was it because Drew could be around Celina at any time? Was it because it just seemed so instinctive? Was it because she was truly jealous of her best friend. Celina was a beautiful girl, Felicity knew that, but could that have been her reason?
"What are you talking about?" she asked. When did any of them try and "put a move on" Celina? Felicity didn't remember that happening. "When did anyone try that?" When they were going around and collecting wands, Felicity remembered that was when she'd spotted what Drew did, but she didn't remember that.
Of course, that was what she wanted to say and think, but didn't. If they were really trying to fix things, it wasn't the time to get angry, even if she was feeling at a loss. He wasn't moving, he wasn't doing anything but standing there still as a statue. Did that mean he wanted her to go?
"I know Drew," she answered, feeling horrible about thinking that, even at the time she'd felt horrible. "I know you wouldn't do that to me, or anyone. I was just...I was feeling so horrible, I wasn't thinking right..."
Her answer trailed off and she tried to fight back any tears, not understanding what he said next. He didn't trust her because he didn't understand what she tried telling him? How did that make sense? While her anger wanted to surge again, she fought back harder than she did the tears that plagued her eyes.
"Do you want to?" she asked, regretting it. "Do you want to fix it?"
|
|
Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
|
Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 9, 2007 4:50:20 GMT -5
"Yes," he answered back, taking another step forward and nodding desperately in the hopes that she'd finally tell him what he did wrong so he could fix it. He was tired of trying to figure it all out for himelf, especially when he seemed to get it all wrong most of the time. What was the point in playing the guessing game? If he had known what he had done wrong to begin with, he wouldn't have done it in the first place, right?
|
|
|
Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 9, 2007 5:04:40 GMT -5
Yes.
A simple answer and she waited for him to expand on it. Waited for him to tell her why he didn't think she trusted him, or was it that he didn't trust her? But there was nothing but the bitter silence of early spring rain. The damp air, the rushing water from the sky above, the drenched state they both were in, the mud she knew she was slowly sinking into and he wasn't doing anything about it though he'd told her he wouldn't let it happen, and the cold shock of what was happening. There was nothing.
"Drew, you need to understand that I trust you, with everything I have I trust you," she started. Wasn't it enough for him that she let him near her, close to, wanted him to hold her? What did she have to do to prove to him that she did trust him? Was there anything she could do? "I still don't know why you would think I don't, but I do Drew. Whether you believe me or not, I trust you."
Taking a gulping breath of cool air, she closed her eyes for what felt like the first time in a while and paused as she waited for the tears to fall down the curves of her cheeks, catching in the lines around her mouth, slipping down her jaw.
"I don't want you to have to come all the way to me all the time Drew, but I don't want to have to come all the way to you either. We need to meet each other, we can't pass or lapse or not make it, because it won't work otherwise." That was her whole point of not budging from where she was. And even though she could feel herself being lost in the depths of the mud. "I know I get angry too easily, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I don't tell you something right away, but sometimes I have things I need a girl for, just like I'm sure you have things to say that you need another boy for. I needed to talk to Celina, because I needed to know why she'd tell Shaw what she did, why she'd tell him about our plan. I needed to know before I said anything to anyone about it because I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to explain that Celina, my best friend, gave me up like that, especially when I knew there had to be more to it than what I knew."
|
|
Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
|
Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 9, 2007 13:30:18 GMT -5
He took those last few steps towards her and put his arms around her, not because she had demanded it, but because he just needed to hold her. He understood what she was saying... was actually a little surprised he understood... but he didn't fully agree with her.
"I don't want to go half-way, Felicity," he told her softly. "I'm not willing to go fifty-fifty. If you need me to go all the way, I'll do it, but sometimes I need to know that you'll go that far for me too." In another context, to an outside observer, his statement might have sounded out of line, but he hoped she understood what he meant.
"I understand that you needed to work things out with Celina, but why couldn't you have just talked to me about the rest of it?" he asked. His biggest fear was that she'd just repeat that she had to talk to Celina, but Celina was only a part of what had happened. Yes, it was connected, but not so much that she couldn't have talked to him about Shaw. "I was freaking out and you weren't talking to me, Celina, your family... no one. A month and a half, and I don't know what to do or say or anything. All I could do was watch you keep it all in and it was driving me crazy. And I needed to talk to you about it and you wouldn't let me. You didn't have anyone, but at least I had Hiro and Allegra. I could talk to them, but I needed to talk to you and I couldn't."
|
|
|
Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 9, 2007 14:26:59 GMT -5
Warmth. It was different from the cold of the down pouring rain, different from the early chill that still lingered over the grounds. Comfort, though she didn't feel like she deserved it. Why did he bother with making her knees weak when she was so horrible? When they were arguing? Yes, she still considered them to be arguing as nothing was being done to say they weren't. They were talking, but she felt there was still that hint of frustration all over.
At first, Felicity was ready to be angry with him again, he didn't want to go half-way? She didn't understand what he was saying, but he continued and quickly enough that she didn't let her anger go too far. He didn't get it, or she felt he didn't. Felicity didn't want him to have to give into her and make him walk all the way to her, she didn't want to have to give into him, she wanted to meet him. Compromise, going half the distance each to meet up with the other, to make it work after they both gave in a little.
"What if I don't need you to go all the way?" she asked him quietly. "And you won't let me go that far either?" It was fair enough in her mind. If neither could go that distance, or wouldn't go that distance, then how would things ever get better?
"Because I couldn't, Drew. I needed Celina to tell me what happened," she answered. Without Celina's word, she wouldn't believe what happened, it was all like a bad dream and she wasn't willing to wake from it without her friend's comforting words. "I couldn't talk about it because I needed her to tell me what happened. I didn't want to assume something or be forced to assume something because I didn't know what happened. Drew, I couldn't talk to anyone about it, I didn't know how to. And there was no other 'rest of it'. Everything was it, there wasn't anything else."
Really, she would've laughed at him if she didn't feel like crying so much. He was freaking out? He was being driven crazy? How did he think she felt? Her best friend had given her up for bait to someone, hadn't told her why, and wasn't talking to her about it. She could hardly sleep without it replaying over and over in her dreams, hardly ate anything until more recently. And him throwing it in her face that she didn't have anyone? Yes, that was a grande gesture.
Why couldn't he just understand that she didn't want to believe it? That what some people were saying about Celina hurt her because she knew that they weren't right? That she needed to talk to the only other person she could about it before talking to anyone else? Hadn't she tried to be normal? No, she didn't succeed, she knew that, but she tried. Wasn't it enough that she wanted desperately to go back to normal?
"I wasn't talking to Celina because I didn't think she wanted to talk to me. I wasn't talking to my family because if I told them I wouldn't be here anymore, Drew..." this was something she knew too well. If either of her parents heard from her that something of the sort had happened, she would've been gone. In fact, her mum had written her a letter shortly after requesting she leave because it was obvious the castle wasn't safe. Had Felicity told him about that? No, absolutely not. "My mum wanted me to leave because she said it wasn't safe to be here. If I told her about it, I wouldn't be here right now. And I didn't talk to you because I didn't know what to say."
She wasn't even going to comment on not having anyone, because she knew what a useless lie that was. She had lots of people. Lucas, the Hufflepuff girl whose name she couldn't ever remember, she had Corey...
|
|
Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
|
Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 9, 2007 15:58:29 GMT -5
"Forget it... just forget it," he mumbled, feeling defeated and he dropped his hold on her as he wiped off his dripping face. There was nothing he could do to make her understand. All he got was that same stupid song over and over again about how she needed to talk to Celina. Why had he even tried to get her to understand how awful it had been to watch her become this pile of nerves, to have a pretty good idea about what she was going through, but still be unable to do anything about it?
She had needed to talk to Celina. He was so sick of hearing that. For a month and a half, she needed to talk to Celina and he was supposed to just sit there on the side lines and pretend that nothing happened. Why couldn't she understand that he just couldn't do that?
"I just don't know what to do anymore," he said softly before taking a deep breath and putting his arms back around her, hoping she didn't push him away, determined to try again.
"I understand why you needed to talk to Celina. I understand that you couldn't talk to your family," he said, finding those two points very clear. "I just don't understand why you couldn't talk to me about any part of it. I have to get it all second hand and by rumor. I have to sit by and watch you turn into some paranoid, jumpy stranger and then make my own guesses as to why you're like that. And then... then I get yelled at for not knowing what happened because I wasn't there. But you know what? I was. Eight months ago, I was. And to watch you... hear you... go through all of it... It killed me and I couldn't do a dang thing about it."
He knew she still wouldn't get it. She'd come back with how she needed to talk to Celina first.
|
|
|
Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 9, 2007 19:12:46 GMT -5
"No Drew!" she shouted at him just as he let go. "I'm not going to forget it. How many times have we fought because neither of us will budge? I'm willing to go all the way when I feel the need to, but I will not do it all the time. And I know you won't either. I don't want you to, not always. You know this, I've told you this." Curling her arms around her body, she felt the continuous run of water down her face, leading from her eyes. "We can't always be going all the way for each other, we need to compromise on things Drew."
He didn't know what to do? He was supposed to be there for her and lend a shoulder when needed. He'd been doing that, exactly what she needed. Sure, Corey was there when she needed him, but they didn't talk about this, he didn't push her in any way to give information about this. Drew hadn't pushed her hard, but in little ways, she felt it. He didn't know what to do, she didn't know what to do...was there anything left to be done?
His arms back around her, she leaned forward into him, not wanting him to let go again. Her head against his chest, turned away toward his shoulder so the bill of the hat wasn't in the way, she didn't place her arms around him, they remained stationary around herself.
Was she really that bad? Had she truly turned into a stranger? And right before him? But it wasn't the same as what he went through. What happened to him was different. He'd been kidnapped, taken away from everyone. She'd been taken in front of everyone. No one did anything for him because they couldn't. No one did anything for her because they wouldn't. They just watched it happen. And no one gave him up, especially not his best mate. Hers did.
"Drew?" she asked tentatively. "When it happened to you, did you want to talk about it?"
|
|