Keeping the Date

[Felicity Hjort]

Giving a half-hearted smile in return, she also wasn't sure what they were going to do. At least they were near the fireplace so they could look at it. Maybe she'd make up her own little game to pass a bit of time during the silences she was sure were going to take place. Maybe she'd pick out shapes in the licking flames that climbed up and out, trying to consume whatever would allow them to live longer. There were many options, none of which she hoped would happen.

"I'm not really sure about them," she answered, for once being wary of her own cooking. After all, she'd had tears in her eyes the whole time, it wouldn't surprise her if they'd leapt from her face into their food. "I didn't know what to make, and so like I said, I kind of skimped the dinner a little."

She hadn't meant to, she just didn't feel like cooking very much. Especially when the saying "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" kept playing in her mind over and over. And as much as she knew Drew loved eating, she couldn't get it to stop playing.

Taking the basket, she pulled out her own sandwich and a few stalks of celery. No, the lioness wasn't hungry, but she was going to force herself to eat. After all, it was what was closest to normal.

[Drew Thornton]

"You have vegetables?" Drew asked, noticing the celery only after she had put some on her own plate. He wasn't sure he could eat a whole sandwich, but maybe he could manage some veggies and nibble at the ham and cheese. He wasn't about to force himself to eat though. That usually resulted in someone throwing up.

"Should I have suggested the Great Hall for this instead?" he finally asked, feeling like he had made a huge mistake. At least in the dining room, there would have been some sort of distraction to keep the awkwardness away.

[Felicity Hjort]

"Uh huh," she answered. Celery. Celery went great with apples, and if he brought them, she'd probably eat one with her celery. Actually, she liked celery all on its own too. "I didn't have time to make anything more, but I have potatoes, too. They're baked. The House Elves were making some for dinner tonight, and they let me snitch a few and bake them a little special-like."

Handing the basket back over to him, she hoped he would eat. She didn't think she'd be able to handle her feelings being hurt as much as her heart hurt. Not that she needed him to tell her if he cooking didn't do anything for him, but a cook always liked to hear their food was appreciated and good.

"No," she answered, abruptly being taken from her thoughts. Looking up at him, she wondered if he didn't want to eat with her like this. Sure, it was bound to be silent, but she'd hurt him, how could it not be? "I mean, no, not unless...unless you wanted to." Truthfully, she hoped he wanted to. After all, he did write her to ask she still did. And if he was worried about the quiet, she could share her game with him, right?

[Drew Thornton]

While he wasn't one to hurt her feelings purposefully, in all honesty, making her feel good about this dinner was not one of his top priorites at the moment, considering she had pretty much stomped his heart into the mud earlier that day. He took a couple of celery stalks from the basket and, as an afterthought, took one of the potatoes too. He wasn't sure he'd actually eat it, but he thought he might manage that better than the sandwich at the moment.

"I told you it didn't matter where we did this," he reminded her, hoping he didn't sound too bitter. "I just wondered if you thought we should have done this differently."

[Felicity Hjort]

Biting down on her lip to keep from retorting how she wanted to, she quickly considered actually getting up and leaving. She wasn't his girlfriend anymore and didn't have to put up with him anymore. And even though she wanted dearly to be his friend, it didn't look like that was going well either, so maybe she could just get up and leave without a second thought, but she didn't want to. The blonde didn't want to make him angrier, or hurt anymore because she was being stupid and selfish.

"I gave another option," she answered curtly. She'd been the one to tell him to forget it, even if it was obvious neither had been willing to. Maybe it didn't matter where the did it, because it didn't matter to him at all? And that thought only brought the tears to her eyes she'd been fighting against. "I wanted you to choose, and you chose here. I see no problems with it, unless you do."

[Drew Thornton]

He really hadn't meant for it to sound as bitter as it had and now she was even more angry at him. He lowered his head and jabbed at his potato with the celery stalk, feeling like a bigger idiot than he already had been feeling.

No, it hadn't mattered where they had eaten dinner because the only thing that had mattered was that he got to spend time with her. But perhaps that was a mistake too.

[Felicity Hjort]

And now he wasn't speaking. Wasn't this part of their problem? Neither was willing to fire back when the other was doing something that upset them? Snapping off a bit of celery in her mouth, she turned back to face the fire and chewed it angrily. There really was no other way to chew it when he was making her so...angry.

"Do you have a problem eating with me here?" she asked quietly, turning back to look in his direction, but keeping her eyes on Boggie. Putting the celery on her plate, she brought her knees up to her chest and turned back to the fire. "Or do you just have a problem eating with me?"

It could just be that. Maybe she'd hurt him so badly that he couldn't even hardly look at her. Or maybe he had already decided he didn't like her anymore, and didn't want to be her friend, but was humoring her anyway.

[Drew Thornton]

There had been moments, even in the most recent of minutes, that he wondered why he was humoring her, why he would bother trying to be friends with someone who obviously had no use for him, why he would set himself up for bigger heartaches. There were moments where he thought she had some nerve, pretending to be all heartbroken when she was the one who did it.

But then he'd look at her and he didn't have the guts to leave. He wanted to be with her, how could he think of leaving? And she looked so sad. It didn't make any sense when she had done it, when she was the only one who could fix it, but he couldn't convince himself that the tears were a put-on. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but he thought he knew her well enough to tell.

"If that were true, I wouldn't have bothered coming," he answered softly. He still wasn't sure why she had bothered showing up though.

[Felicity Hjort]

Staring into the fire, she tried her best not to let those tears fall from her eyes. It wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want to cry anymore, she'd been doing so since that morning, with him, without him. Did it make even the slightest of differences? Either way she was feeling horrible and miserable about the whole thing. But she had to do what felt right, and right now, at this moment, not being with him is what felt the most right. And she couldn't even explain it. Not to him, not to the House Elves who'd taken pity (though she was pretty sure they were only trying to distract her so they could take over her cooking), not even to herself.

He had a funny way of showing it. At least in her opinion he did. He'd agreed, written her a note, even showed up, yet she still felt like he didn't want her there. Felicity understood she hurt him, but didn't he think she'd hurt herself, too? And every second longer she sat there, she felt like he was regretting the decision more and more. She hadn't meant it, but could she really go against a feeling?

Nodding, she didn't say anything. All she wanted to say were retorts that would just make him angry and hate her more. All she wanted was for him to tell her it was all right and that he didn't hate her for doing what she felt was right. But she knew that wouldn't happen for a very long time, if ever. "You hate me, don't you?"

[Drew Thornton]

He was mad. He was disgusted. He was frustrated and confused. He was depressed and furious, scared and dejected. And every couple of minutes he'd wish that she'd just go away and leave him in peace. But no, he didn't hate her.

"I don't think I could ever hate you," he mumbled, hating himself for admitting that to her. It would just give her more ammo for later. But he looked at her again and couldn't deny the legitimacy of her tears. "I just don't get it..." Merlin, he hated saying that.

[Felicity Hjort]

There'd been a few times he'd said that to her, but this time didn't even make her believe him. With everything she'd done, how could he not? How could he say he couldn't ever? True, he said he didn't think he could, but that was as good as saying he couldn't. If she were him, she didn't think she'd have any problems hating herself.

Felicity didn't get it either, but she couldn't explain it. Why it felt right, why it felt like things would be better if they weren't dating anymore, why she felt and thought things would get better if they were just friends. When they were friends, they didn't fight as much. About the only really big fight they had was when she tried telling him she liked him, and he told her he didn't want her. But even after that, they made up, in fact, after that was when they started hugging a little more, and he started holding her hand more, and he told her a little about what had happened to him the term previous.

"Drew, why did you break up with Alhana?" she asked after a long pause. No, it wasn't her business, never had been, nor would it ever be, and that was the reason she'd never asked before. But she wondered, if maybe she could explain it through that, if he was willing to tell her.

[Drew Thornton]

The question surprised him for a number of reasons. He hardly talked about Alhana, simply because that was then and this was now. But he was mostly surprised because Felicity never asked him much about her. He would have told her anything if she had asked.

"I didn't," Drew answered, still not clear on who officially broke up with who that past summer. All he knew was they were broken up and while he had been miserable about it, he had also been glad. "It was kind of a mutual thing... but not in a good way. I think we both got sick of each other for different reasons at about the same time."

He saw no connection between this situation and that one, so he wasn't entirely sure where Felicity was going with her line of questioning. If anything, he tried hard to learn from the mistakes he had made with Alhana.

[Felicity Hjort]

Rolling her eyes to herself, she tried not to get frustrated. Did it really matter who broke up with who? She hadn't been asking specifically about it, it was more of a "why did the two of you break up" thing. Keeping her eyes in the fire, she waited and listened, but he didn't say anything she could really work with. Other than they got sick of each other, but that wasn't the case for her, she wasn't sick of him.

Nodding, she realized anything she was thinking wouldn't relate to that and this. But now her question just sounded stupid, having nothing to add to it.

"I'm not sick of you," she said quietly, unsure of what else to say. "But I don't like arguing with you, and I'm afraid if we keep arguing, I might get sick of you, and I don't want that to happen." Biting on her lip lightly, she turned to look at him, hoping not to cry still. "I just want to find a way to be able to talk with you about anything without arguing most of the time. And I think, if we're just friends, it might be a little easier to do."

Maybe he wouldn't understand still, but she had to try.

[Drew Thornton]

She had asked why he had broken up with Alhana and he answered. If he had seen any eye rolling, it would have just made him more frustrated.

The only thing that actually connected both instances was the Deva. Shaw had played a big part in his break up with Alhana too.

"Our biggest problem was Alhana and I didn't talk about anything important," Drew told her, lowering his head and speaking to the floor. "I was too afraid of making her mad and she... well, I don't think she really cared what I was feeling."

"I wasn't afraid of talking to you, even if you got mad... because... because I always thought... I thought we'd be okay..." There went that idea.

[Felicity Hjort]

Did she and Drew talk about important stuff? She thought so, but sometimes the stuff that was important to her, he either didn't get why it was important she tell him, or he just didn't understand at all. Like with the spell she and Celina fooled around with. It was importand that she tell him, and yet, he didn't understand it, or why she felt it was important. He didn't seem to understand why she didn't have know what else to do. Maybe there were other options, but she'd been so set on that one, she hadn't seen any others until after.

"I'm not afraid of talking to you either," she told him. How could he think they'd alway be all right though? Even she hadn't expected it to last forever, that wasn't how it worked. Sure, it felt wonderful, but it didn't last, did it? "And Drew, you know that I care, right?"

Felicity cared a lot about Drew, she just hoped he knew that. He had to know that, right? That she would always care, even if they weren't dating, he'd know, wouldn't he? "It's just...I don't like when I'm mad at you. And when I try telling you some things, it bothers me that you don't always understand why I tell you, and I get even more frustrated when I try explaining and you still don't understand. And if I'm not ready to talk about something, I don't want to be pushed to talk about it."

Of course, she knew it wasn't good to dwell on something, or to not talk about things, but sometimes, it wasn't the right time. Sure, she'd spoken to Celina finally, but she still wanted to think about things. What was more important was Celina and she were still friends, and that's what mattered the most. Just like what mattered most was she wanted to be guaranteed Drew would be her friend, even after something like that.