Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 19, 2007 1:40:52 GMT -5
Drew avoided answering her question, knowing she wouldn't like the answer, but unable to lie and say he knew she cared. Today, especially, he felt like she really didn't care about him at all.
"I get all that," he answered. It might have even been mistaken for a response to her previous question. "I just didn't think breaking up was the answer to either of us misunderstanding the other."
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 19, 2007 1:56:13 GMT -5
If Drew had responded that he felt like she didn't care, she probably would've hauled off and hit him, without stopping herself. Just because she felt something was more right didn't mean she didn't care about him. Felicity cared about him a lot, and she felt by doing what she did she was stopping herself from hurting him more.
Closing her eyes, she thought about it. Why did she break up with him? Because they fought less and it felt right to do.
"I don't know why, but if just feels right," she answered, unable to give another response. "When we weren't dating, we didn't fight so much, we only had that one big fight..." she trailed off, not wanting to bring up old and bad memories. "And I think it would give us a chance to understand one another. And if you decided you didn't want to be in the relationship anymore, then you'd have that option to be out of it."
The last part was barely above a whisper. She really didn't think he wanted to be in one with her, at least he wouldn't want to be.
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 19, 2007 2:05:05 GMT -5
"You keep saying that like I wanted this break so I could date some other girl," Drew answered, hating that particular line of argument of hers. If anything it got him thinking that she either thought he was cheating on her, or that she was the one who wanted to date other people.
"And you keep saying it feels right," he said, hating that line too. How could she think it felt right and then, in the next breath say stuff that sounded like she still liked him? "Well, it doesn't make any sense to me."
"And I really don't get how breaking up will fix any misunderstandings." If anything, it just added to them, in his book. "I'm either going to get it or I'm not. I don't see how being just friends or being together changes any of that." If anything, he was more apt to stick it out longer, trying harder to understand it, with someone he cared more for.
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 19, 2007 2:23:35 GMT -5
"No, Drew, not because I think you want to. But what if you decide you don't like me anymore?" she asked him back almost harshly. What if after they talked a little more, he decided he didn't want to be with her? What if she was too bland or he just got sick of her? Wasn't it better to end things now so if they did go that way, it wouldn't hurt as much later on? Felicity thought so.
"I don't know why Drew, but it really does feel right. Even if it doesn't make anymore sense to me," she told him, not liking the direction of the conversation any. Again, it didn't make sense. And if he still didn't get it as her friend, maybe they weren't meant to be friends, but she didn't like that thought any at all.
"Because being together and not getting things gets me more frustrated than just being friends and having you not get something," she answered curtly. It was her opinion, as well as something she'd been told, that when you were together with someone, you were supposed to connect a little bit more, if anything, their ties had been severed.
Pushing her plate away, despite her wants, she turned and started putting her shoes back on. "Drew, I can't do this right now. I don't want to argue with you, and I especially don't want to do it right now." Standing up, she started heading toward the door. If he truly wanted to give it a try, he wasn't doing a very good job, but she really wasn't either. Maybe it was just too soon.
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 19, 2007 2:42:25 GMT -5
"See, you don't get it," Drew told her. "I do want to argue. I don't like it, but I'd rather stick it out and work things through with you than just give up."
"You act like I'm the only one who doesn't get stuff, but it's you too. You don't get that I really care about you and you don't get that I'm willing to go through a few arguments if it means we'll understand each other in the end," he told her. No, arguing was never fun, put neither was perfection. And it wasn't like they were getting into vicious fights, attacking one another verbally. They were just trying to work things out. Real life, real relationships, weren't like the fairy tales where they got swept of their feet by one kiss and lived happily ever after.
"Do you remeber after our first fight, I said I hoped it wasn't going to be the last?" he asked her quietly. "It was because if it's our last fight, that means we've given up. I'm not ready to do that."
But if she wanted to leave, he'd let her. He'd be crushed once again, but he'd let her go. She obviously didn't want to be with him or else she'd want to stick it out and work it through.
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 19, 2007 12:29:42 GMT -5
"I never said I did get anything!" she returned almost viciously. Hadn't she told him she didn't understand why it felt right to do? "I never said it was only you! I know you care about me Drew, I know that! I'm not that stupid!" she shouted at him. How he could say she didn't understand that he cared for her, she didn't know. It wasn't true though, she knew he did, otherwise he wouldn't have been so nice with her, right? This was why she really didn't like arguing with him, she didn't like feeling angry, she didn't like being mad at him. Her smile was all she was supposed to be showing, to him and everyone else. A smile was what she was supposed to place on her face so people didn't know she was upset or angry, she wasn't very good at it, but she tried. But when he made her so angry, she couldn't put a smile on. "And how exactly does fighting make us understand one another? Either you don't get it, or I don't afterwards. I don't understand why you think fighting makes a difference as to one of us understanding, because neither of us do. You just pretend you do to make me stop, and I do the same exact thing."
But yes, she remembered that all too well.
"I haven't given up Drew," she answered him much more quietly than her voice had been. "But people aren't supposed to argue as much as we do, either. I know arguing can be good, but not how much we argue, it's not. It's why I feel like we're hardly friends anymore. Because we fight so much and friends don't fight that much. When you have a friend you fight with that much, most people give it up entirely. I don't want that to happen, I don't want you to give up on me because we fight, I don't want to give up on you."
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 19, 2007 12:52:51 GMT -5
"I don't pretend," he stated, a little shocked by the accusation. If he said he understood, he did... or at least he thought he did. "Sometimes I back off because I realize I don't need to understand, that it's not as important to get every last detail as I thought it was, but I don't pretend just to stop a fight."
"The thing is, Felicity, we aren't arguing over stupid little things... at least I don't think we are," he told her. "This isn't stuff that keeps poping up over and over again becasue we aren't fixing it. We have a disagreement and it gets resolved, right? Isn't that what we should be doing? Would you rather we sweep it under the rug and pretend it didn't happen, that everything is hunky-dory? We aren't always going to agree with one another. Honestly, I'd be more worried about a relationship that never had any disagreements. Someone's not in it for the long haul. Either that, or they're a mindless sheep, more focused on keeping up appearances than actually getting anythin accomplished."
"I get that you needed time to sort things out before talking to me. I get that you needed to figure stuff out with Celina first," he told her. "I just wish it hadn't taken so long is all."
"I get that you want to strengthen our friendship. I think that's important too," he continued. "But I need to know what you're looking for so we can work on that."
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 19, 2007 21:47:11 GMT -5
In her opinion, he did pretend. He would say "okay" and then drop it. That was pretending, because he sure wasn't saying "I still don't understand", he didn't tell her what he did or didn't understand about it, he just said "okay" and dropped the whole thing unless she continued it. That was pretending. Backing off because he didn't think he needed to understand? That was a load of something else. He pretended he understood or that it didn't matter, and it did.
No, maybe they weren't arguing over petty things, but they still did argue, a lot. Especially lately and he was still the only one she argued with so much. But their disagreements didn't always go unresolved because he pretended it didn't matter when it really did. Just like with the spell, he pretended it didn't matter, he didn't understand what she was trying to tell him about it or why she was telling him, he didn't care. It was obvious he didn't when it mattered to her. No, she didn't expect him to care about everything she did, but that was something that kind of, sort of involved him, and he just didn't care.
And he didn't understand she needed to talk to Celina first, he'd made that obvious that morning. Everything that happened weighed in on what Celina said, there was no "other part" to it. What happened completely involved Celina. Without Celina's answers to her questions, there was nothing she could tell him because everything had involved Celina. The plan, the attempt, the fact she told. Everything about it involved the dark haired Ravenclaw.
She, too, wished it hadn't taken so long to talk to Celina, but it had. It had taken a long time before she was able to talk to her best friend. And even though it had taken so long, what was she supposed to have done in the mean time? Act as though she didn't want to be the girl's friend anymore? Tell Drew something that could've been wrong and risk Celina not liking her anymore? No, she wouldn't have done that. Not at least until she talked to Celina.
"I want you to be honest with me," she answered quickly. "I don't want you to lie to me like you just did. You didn't understand that I wanted and needed to talk to Celina first. You admitted that yourself this morning, so don't sit there and act like a sudden realization hit you about it, because you didn't understand." No matter how many times she'd said it, he didn't get it. "Everything that happened involved Celina. Right from the moment she found me on the loo floor up till that man pointed his wand at me Drew. Everything involved Celina. There was no other part to it. Unless you wanted me to tell you about earlier that morning when I talked to Lily, that girl I met that was with you. Or if you wanted me to tell you about me crying to Corey the night they came? Or anything between that? Everything that took place that involved what you needed to know about involved Celina. I couldn't just start talking about it because I needed to know from her what happened. I needed her to tell me why she did what she did."
That was a start to what she was looking for, what she wanted to work on.
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 20, 2007 2:58:33 GMT -5
"You think I'm lying to you?" Drew asked, more than just a little hurt. He couldn't remember a time where he had ever flat out lied to her, so why did she think this was a lie? Was it because she thought he was that deceitful, or was it because she believed he was too narrow-minded to actually see someone else's point of view? Or possibly too stupid to finally figure it out?
"I didn't understand, but I think I do now," he told her, trying not to let the hurt he was feeling show. He wasn't sure what she had said exactly, or how she had said it earlier that morning, but he had gotten it towards the end there. She wasn't like him. She needed time to sort it out. Celina had been there and he hadn't.
"Yeah... " he answered softly to her short tirade. "Yeah, I would have listened to any of that. I just felt like..." Did it matter to her what he felt? He didn't think it did at that moment, but he wasn't going to be accused of lying by ommission again. "I was worried about you and I didn't know what to do other than wait it out."
"And please don't tell me you needed to talk to Celina again," he hissed through his teeth, trying not to get any more upset. "I know that you needed to sort stuff out with her first. I just... I just wish you'd realize how worried I was..."
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 20, 2007 16:59:06 GMT -5
At that moment, yes, she did believe he'd been lying. He told her that morning he didn't understand why she needed to talk to Celina and then all of a sudden he changed? That just seemed a little too quick of an adjustment. No, she didn't think he was lying to really lie to her, but the change of what he said didn't make a whole lot of sense either.
And if he understood now, then she was sorry for saying he was lying. But as far as she was aware, he had been lying to her. Miscommunication, the core problem of their relationship.
"But Drew, that stuff wasn't what was important to me. I didn't need to talk about that, I had no reason to talk about any of that," she told him. "Through most of it I had you, and that was all that mattered. You were there and knew what was going on with me then. After you left, that's when things turned for the worst. I didn't feel good and Celina found me on the floor in the loo." Perhaps she'd even been a little crazier than the Ravenclaw girl.
"If you worried, why didn't you just say so?" she asked. Maybe she could tell, but she couldn't remember him saying outright that he'd been worried. "Why didn't you tell me you were? Drew, I figured you were, but you didn't say so, so I couldn't be sure."
It would've been simpler if he just said so.
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 20, 2007 23:39:58 GMT -5
"But it was important to me. I needed to talk about it," Drew answered just wishing she'd understand that he had had his own things to work out. No, he hadn't expected her to deal with his freaking out while she was going through her own, but he had kind of hoped they'd help each other through it.
"I did tell you... or I tried..." he said, now wondering if he actually had. He was pretty sure he never came right out and said flat out that he had been worried, or still was. What he had probably done was tried to tell her in a round-about way, and then got shot down with some variation of she didn't want to talk about it. If that was the case, it had been his own fault. He should have known better than to try something that wasn't straight to the point. He hung his head, feeling awful. No wonder she thought he didn't care about her. "I'm sorry... I thought I had told you."
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 20, 2007 23:55:01 GMT -5
Felicity didn't understand why he thought that was important. At that point, all that had happened, besides her making very irrational accusations, was the takeover itself. No one had been hurt, thankfully, and nothing besides a bit of fright had taken place. At least to the fifth year. Yes, she understood that he'd probably taken it worse than any others that had been there, but nothing had happened, so why had it been so important?
"What did you need to talk about?" she asked quietly, concerned. Had she shoved everything out of the way because she hadn't wanted to speak of what happened after he left? Everything she thought he wanted to talk about? Had she been self-centered enough that she believed he'd only wanted to speak about that and not anything else, merely because her own mind had been so focused on it?
Very slowly, steadily, she walked forward, closer to Drew. No, she wasn't going to take a seat next to him, she wasn't going to reach out to him, not yet. He hadn't told her that she remembered, not in a way she'd have understood if he did try. "You didn't."
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 21, 2007 0:10:33 GMT -5
"I'm sorry," he apologized again, bitting on the inside of his lip and avoiding her eye. He hadn't wanted to push his freak outs on her, knowing they were nothing compared to what she was probably going through. That thought just made him worry more about her. It still didn't feel right laying it all on her.
"I don't know... everything... anything..." he finally answered. "You probably weren't ready to talk to me about most of it anyway. I just... I don't know, needed to talk it out and even stupid bits of it would have been better than nothing."
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Post by Felicity Hjort on Dec 21, 2007 0:45:16 GMT -5
Now he wasn't looking at her. What had she done now?
Sitting her body down, away from the blanket, but still close to him and the fire, she waited. Was he going to tell her what he wanted to talk about, besides everything and anything? Was he going to start the conversation at least? What was she supposed to tell him? She yelled at him, cried to him, held on to him as long as she could before Corey came back, put on a brave face and sat back above the table to try and help keep the other Gryffindors calmer, cried to Corey, went into a bit of a daze now and then, tried to spend as much time as possible with him, he let her into the boy's loo, he held her, Raynor played favourites, Lily and she talked, and then the whole Celina thing? There really was too much to go into every detail.
Pulling her knees to her chest, she rested her chin on her knees and looked at him, watching as patiently as she could.
"I was scared, and you know that," she started. After all, she'd said some really horrible things. "And I didn't want you to do that thing with Hiro, or for you to leave." Truthfully, she wouldn't have minded if Corey hadn't come back, but just stayed over at the Slytherin table for the rest of the takeover, then Drew wouldn't have left her since he promised Corey he'd stay until he came back.
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Drew Thornton
Ministry of Magic
Auror-in-Training
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise...
Posts: 14,114
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Post by Drew Thornton on Dec 21, 2007 1:00:08 GMT -5
"I was scared too," Drew admitted, though he was pretty sure she had already known that. He had had a minor break down there under the Gryffindor table that first evening.
"And I didn't want to leave," he told her, letting out a long sigh. "But taking that portkey... and even that deal with Hiro... I thought we could actually do something to get us out of that mess. I mean... not anything major, but something." They had managed to get most of the little kids out, hadn't they? So, that was something he was kind of proud of.
"I didn't want to leave you," he told her again, looking up at her finally. He knew he could have refused and in all likelyhood, Raynor would have picked some other kid to take his place. And he had been angry at being called out like that, but in the end, he knew it was what needed to be done. "But, I had to... I mean, that's my... will be... is... my job, you know?"
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